Breakdown Point
by Fezzy
Summary: Sometimes a single new classmate can be too much; too much time, too much trouble, too much hurt, too much love - and when does it all come tumbling down? Tifa learns the hard way. Cloud, on the other hand, lost his balance a long time ago. High school AU
1. Chapter 1

AN: This story came from listening to the song "Think Twice" by Eve 6. That, and the need to satisfy my guilty pleasure - the high school world! What does this result in? Well, a high school fic with loads of relationship drama waiting around the corner. The pairings shall remain a secret, but my profile page could, perhaps, possibly, maybe be a hint. You'll just have to see how the drama unfolds.

I hope you will enjoy as much as I did while writing!

_Disclaimer: I own nothing._

**Chapter One**

_"Wait 'till the day you finally see  
I've been here waiting patiently"_

A light breeze from the ajar window woke her up. It was fall, so she really shouldn't be sleeping with her window open. But she slept better when the air was fresh and crisp, she had always been like that. When she was little she remembered to have hated bed time. The lights were put out and she had lain in her bed like that, her body growing more tired by every hour, but still she remained sleepless. Her head wouldn't calm down but she was too scared to get out of bed, too scared of getting scolded by her parents.

In the mornings she was cranky and reluctant to get up and start a new day, because of the long night of too little rest. Every time she had finally dozed off she would only wake up again to find her chest heavy and her breathing becoming difficult. The room closed in on her, air ran out of her lungs, she was suffocating in a cramped cage.

One day her mother forgot to close the window. The curtains swayed slightly, creating a ruffling sound that calmed the little girl tucked in her sheets. She was asleep before she knew it and that continued until morning chased away the darkness of the night. She jumped from her bed before her parents would come to wake her. This had never happened before.

After that her mother made sure the window was open, and it still was. Ruffling of the curtains still had the same soothing effect on her.

It was a late September Monday. Mornings were getting dimmer every day and the wind colder. She stacked thicker covers on her bed.

First a shower, breakfast with a towel-turban atop her head, then getting into her uniform and then fixing hair and makeup. Dad wasn't around, so she had the house to herself and could parade in her underwear as much as she liked. She needed to get going, though.

In the entry hallway she looked at her own image from the cabinet's mirror door. No teacher would have anything to point out about her uniform. Her skirt was the appropriate height, her jacket was properly buttoned up. It was too cold to show cleavage, anyway. Makeup was light and natural, only showing off her better features. She looked like a good girl.

"_Be a good girl for me, won't you?" _Her mother had said.

Always be a good girl. She had been, even when bad things happened.

She took her bag and left the house. Deep breath. Cool air entered her system. There wouldn't be snow today. Not for a month probably. She could always smell snow before it fell.

Coldness bit trough her stockings when she skipped down the steps from their porch. She went right past their garage and headed towards the street. She smiled when she noted their lawn was stiff with frost. It would probably make a rustling sound beneath her shoes.

In the garage stood the car her dad had gotten her. If machines had feelings, this one would probably feel deserted and lonely. She just liked to walk, even if it forced her to get up earlier. Mornings were the best; air still cold after the night, the quietness, sun peeking from behind the mountain. The neighbor's cat came from its nocturnal adventures as usual and looked satisfied. It mewed when she walked by before slipping through the hole in the garden fence.

Slowly her muscles built up warmth and her cheeks grew red like an apple. Other students appeared on the streets, all wandering towards their mutual destination by their method of choice. She knew most of them and greeted with the same sincere smile people always associated her with. But even if her smile was warm she wouldn't linger long enough to chat, always walking past with a determined step. She was well known and well liked in her school, but the people she greeted weren't her friends and that was her way of letting them know. They didn't mind, and what could they possibly have against her? She was never rude and never ignored them, she was always polite and would definitely listen if someone came up to her. But nobody ever wanted to disturb her.

The school buildings came into sight and she finally slowed down a little. The classroom she was headed for was situated in the far end of the east wing. During this time of day, the classroom would bathe in morning sun. She left her coat and scarf in her locker, the good mornings and hellos leaving her lips more often now as students filled the corridors.

Today was homeroom with Shera, so she didn't want to be late. Shera was nice, but strict just in the right measure as their class had its own share of troublemakers. Speak of the devil, she thought when she stepped through the open door and saw a familiar sight. Reno was leaning so far back on his chair that it should kip over any second now. Around him had gathered a flock of girls who didn't even belong to this class, giggling and squealing in delight when the paper planes Reno threw hit Rude's head. The latter didn't even flinch when the planes ricocheted from his scalp.

Sometimes one had to wonder just _why_ they were best friends.

"Hey," she said from the door with a laugh. Her classmates all acknowledged her in their own way as she plopped down to a free seat next to Elena. She was on good terms with the blonde like she was on good terms with everyone in her class, but they weren't really close. Her best friend was one grade lower, a junior.

Elena asked her about her weekend, to which she answered truthfully and told that she had done nothing special. When she asked Elena the same out of politeness, the blonde lost her usually cool demeanor and started telling,

"We went to Gold Saucer! Can you believe it? I've been saving money since summer and it was totally worth it even if the trip there took forever and Reno was blabbing the whole time and I swear I wanted to kick him out of the car-"

"All right kids, settle down, take a seat," came Shera's voice as she entered. She was one of the youngest and most liked teachers in Nibelheim High. "Reno, Mr. Highwind politely asked you – and I quote – to 'keep your sad little wiener along with your dirty hands to yourself and stop contaminating my students with your brain damage', end quote. I highly suggest you take his advice to heart."

Reno finally crashed down from his chair and the girls scampered away with a look of dread on their faces. One of the unwritten rules of this school was to not, under any circumstances, anger Mr. Highwind.

Shera closed the door, busily ignoring the snickering behind her back. It was not uncommon of Shera to pass messages from Cid Highwind, the school's math slash physics teacher slash genius when it came to anything mechanical. The twosome was a popular source of gossip amongst the students.

Everyone knew they weren't just work colleagues. With the whole school whispering about them it was miraculous enough that Cid and Shera themselves were yet to discover this. Nevertheless, students were already betting their money on when they'd finally get it going.

It took a moment for their teacher to gather her thoughts and for the redness to drain from her cheeks. She cleared her throat and waited for her class to quiet down.

The girl next to Elena turned her head towards the window. Shera was probably going to tell them yet again about their options after high school, as she had at least mentioned the subject every Moday during homeroom. Teachers were meant to make a fuss about it, but this particular fuss grated on her nerves. She had gotten her future figured out since the beginning of her third year.

"I have a big announcement to make," Shera kept a dramatic pause, which wasn't at all like her. She usually just read from her papers. "A new student has transferred to our class. He should be waiting outside."

The girl didn't move her gaze when Shera's steps went across the floor and the door was opened. "Come on in," she said to the newcomer. Then her feet coming back behind the newcomer's feet were heard. The girl remained unmoving, just watching how the rising sun drew a halo around Mt. Nibel towering over their town.

She heard the girls in her class intake a sharp breath. Her interest was finally perked, and she turned her head an inch. The new guy was handsome, but mere looks wouldn't shock her so.

Her lips moved soundlessly in slow motion and in perfect synch with him.

"My name is Cloud Strife."

This she already knew. It was Cloud. It really was him, even if he had changed, but there was no mistaking those eyes and those blonde spikes of hair… Immediately she was flooded with painful memories. About her, about him, about her mother –

'_No, no, no, no, no, no… I can't think about that. I won't.' _But the visions of him were so strong, so vivid and full of color, just like they had happened yesterday.

Cloud was speaking but she couldn't hear his words. It didn't matter. She'd have time to hear everything about him, she'd ask him countless questions, she'd have plenty of chances to see just how he had changed. Her face was practically beaming as she waited for him to notice her, for his guarded expression to turn into a surprised, yet happy look. He had to be glad to see her, he had to be grateful for meeting her again… what reason would he have not to?

She almost fidgeted eagerly when she saw his eyes roam about the classroom, studying his new classmates. She was sitting almost at the back, it was natural that he hadn't spotted her. She leaned forward, sat up a little higher, stared at him, her smile reaching her eyes. Then it was her turn to be scrutinized and she smiled even wider. '_Yes, smile, smile just like you did back then!'_

There was nothing. Not a single flicker of emotion in his eyes. He didn't flinch nor change his expression. And before she knew it, her second was over and he had moved onto Elena.

Slowly her senses returned and she started to be a little more receptive to her surroundings. Girls exchanged meaningful glances, text messages were already written away from Shera's eyes, but her gaze refused to leave Cloud. It didn't take him long to notice he was being stared at, so for a moment his eyes connected with the girl's in the back. Immediately the girl looked away, and there on her face were the fleeting remains of disappointment.

She was feeling confused and betrayed. This had to be the Cloud she knew, but why was he acting so strange? Did he truly not recognize her? …No, it wasn't possible when she had known him the instant he came in. Something wasn't right. Something was missing from the Cloud she remembered. Only now had she noticed how coldly he regarded his surroundings, how thoroughly displeased he seemed to be standing there. Cloud had never been great with people, but that only meant that he was a little withdrawn and sometimes hard to approach. He shouldn't be acting like this; he shouldn't be showing his revulsion towards them and the whole situation so openly.

Now came the anger. What had she done to deserve being treated this way? Why didn't he have the decency to at least smile at an old friend? Why was he being this asshole? Why did she care so much?

She wanted to bolt up from her seat and run out of the classroom. She wanted to cause a scene and prove that he was only pretending to be new here. She even wanted to punch him for getting her hopes up, and then destroying them so easily.

Instead she stared at her desk until end of class. She didn't look up even when Cloud was offered a seat somewhere nearby.

Her mother's voice echoed.

"_Be a good girl, Tifa." _

_

* * *

_

AN: So, what did you think?

I think Cloud seems a bit OOC in this one (well, maybe in the following parts as well), but that will be explained later. And I just had to pick fun on poor Reno.

Also, feedback equals one happy author!

_Lyrics from the song "Think Twice" by Eve 6.  
_


	2. Chapter 2

AN: I want to thank everyone who went through the trouble of leaving me a comment, they really made me smile. And, of course, my gratitude goes to those as well who put Breakdown Point on their alert list. Now I'm feeling very excited with this story.

Also, I'm having a problem with ratings. I started with T, because the beginning doesn't have anything scandalous, but later on things will get heavier. And, this is where _I_ get confused. There will be sexual themes (still not sure how far I'm going with that - it might be innocent or it might not), as well as drinking and swearing. I'm finding it hard to decide if that is suitable for young teens or not, because when I was around that age, I was already reading all kinds of stuff perhaps not really appropriate for me. ..wow, that makes my childhood sound so tainted, but, anyways! If you have better experience with ratings, do leave me a piece of advice. It will be greatly appreciated.

In this chapter we will learn a thing or two about Cloud and Tifa's past, but unfortunately it's nothing shocking. I shall leave the shocking stuff for later, he he he... or not.

_Disclaimer: I own nothing._

**Chapter two**

'_I know her,'_ was his initial thought. Then realization hit like he had smacked his head against a brick wall.

His new class looked like a bunch of idiots. One more reason to hate Nibelheim. He was feeling a little self conscious under all the looks but he kept his self control.

Then her face, and the detached wall he had made around himself nearly blew. He almost tripped, even if he was just standing in one place. How was that even possible?

Her face and he was stricken with surprised excitement and doubt. Her smile was glowing, glowing just for him, but Cloud's head filled with irritation. Just what were the odds of her being in the same class as him? She would ruin everything for him, she was the one thing keeping him from acting like he knew nothing of this town, like he had never been here before. He didn't want these memories that her mere presence was bringing up. He just wanted to forget he had lived here; he just wanted to forget he had known her. She was nothing more than a constant reminder of the reason for his sudden return.

Even when there was hurt in her eyes as she looked away, the only thing he wished for was not to see her face again.

* * *

Tifa was sitting in the school cafeteria and waiting for her friend. The large space was filled with students who were so loud it made her ears ring. She twirled the straw in her soda absentmindedly and stared at nothingness. No-one wanted to sit in her table; they knew it was reserved for Yuffie and Yuffie only.

Tifa had a small set of friends, even though she was popular. She could easily win any contest in her school, be it homecoming queen or student body president, but actual friends were rare. This was mainly because she chose them closely, and everybody else was kept behind a barrier. Sure, there were many who liked her and would have liked to be considered as a friend, but Tifa tended not to let people in easily. For most, winning her trust proved to be too difficult.

She still wasn't feeling too good, and that inflicted in her appetite. Her plate was usually full, as she wasn't one to stress about calories or losing weight. The amount of exercise she did was enough to keep her slim.

It appeared Cloud was attending a few of her classes. She had feigned indifference the whole time and hadn't spoken a single word with him. Normally, she would have welcomed the new classmate and tried to get to know him. Now she would refrain from doing that, no matter how many cross looks it earned her. She pretended as if she had no interest towards the new student, even if the whole school was busy whispering about him.

Nibelheim was a small town, after all, and every fresh piece of gossip was worth gold.

She didn't hear Yuffie approaching, and jumped when her friend materialized in front of her.

"Wake up!" Her friend ordered, her delicate wutaian features in an excited grin. Tifa groaned; she already knew what was coming. Yuffie dropped her tray on the table with a slam.

"Tifa, I need to inform you that I am deeply wounded and offended by your ignorance but that I am also such an amazing, forgiving and god damn noble person that I have decided to forgive you. Now, let's not waste any more time on that and concentrate on what's important," she took a breath before continuing with her ranting, "The new guy! Seriously hot, am I right? Now, spill! The Mighty Yuffie Kisaragi orders you!"

She pointed a fork against Tifa.

"Quit waving that around," the brunette said and hid her face in her hands. "People will think you're trying to kill me."

"Don't change the subject." Yuffie sounded dead serious and refused to put down the fork.

Tifa sighed, mumbling swears into her palms before leaning her head on one hand. She caught a glimpse of blonde hair in the corner table, alongside with Reno's flaming red head. It looked like he had found some friends after all. Reno probably hadn't noticed that Cloud considered him as something that had just crawled from under a stone. Reno was pretty weak when it came to judging someone's character, and even now Tifa guessed Cloud wasn't really smirking at the joke Reno had made. They sat with Reno's usual lot, the Turks, as some called them.

This included Reno himself, Rude, Tseng whom Elena had a major crush on, as well as Rufus Shinra. He was the leader of their little group, at least he acted like it. Students overall respected – or feared – him as he was the richest kid around. His dad was also one of the school's main financial backup, who had singlehandedly funded the renovation of the lobby area. This guaranteed in Mr. Shinra having a lot of influence over the board, and thus, controling the school.

Rufus was intelligent and good looking, and that combined with incredible family wealth was a big attraction for girls. What most of them didn't know was that he was also ruthless and fully capable of using people how it suited him best.

The two other members of their group were Scarlet, Rufus' number one follower and a royal skankoid, and Reeve Tuesti. He was probably the most decent one of the group and Tifa suspected the only reason he hung out with Rufus was to get a job in ShinRa Inc.

"Tifa, you're spacing out."

Her attention snapped back to Yuffie along her whiny voice. Her friend looked unsatisfied and even a little frustrated.

"Sorry," said Tifa, not offering any explanation. This didn't please Yuffie at all.

"Is something wrong? I mean, this is the best piece of gossip in a long time… Is there any way better to spice up our boring high school lives than a new student who is actually hot? Tifa, you must be sick not to be excited." Yuffie wasn't her best friend for no reason; she was already sensing something had happened.

Tifa shot a glare at the corner table. "I just don't get what's so special about him. He seems like a jerk to me." She muttered, moving her eyes to Yuffie.

The wutaian exchange student looked troubled. She hadn't touched her food either. "Yeah? Did you talk to him?"

"…No. I can't really explain it, but I have this feeling about him. Do me a favor and stay away from him, will you?" Tifa knew that not getting to know the fresh piece of meat would be torture for her friend. Poor Yuffie. But as long as this new Cloud continued to act as before, she would just play along and therefore Yuffie wasn't allowed to know of their past together. Why would Tifa even want to know Cloud, if he was such a jackass?

Yuffie had a pained expression and rubbed a hand down her face. She was silent for a moment, before sourly conceding, "If you say so."

Tifa reached across the table and put her hand over Yuffie's. The girl had transferred from Wutai when Tifa was a sophomore and they accidently got to know each other. Being with Yuffie was easy despite their differences, and if Yuffie was something, she was loyal. Before Yuffie, she really hadn't had a friend in many years. _'It took you long enough to get here,'_ she thought, smiling. Now she was happy to have her.

* * *

Tifa was even more grateful to Physical Education than normal. It was her favorite subject by far, but today she discovered newfound pleasures during warm-up in the freezing gym. P.E. classes were divided by sex, and that meant no boys, and _that_ meant no Cloud.

She could finally be free of him and the difficult feelings he brought up in her. She didn't have to profusely look away from him all the time, she didn't have to watch what she said and what the best was – she didn't have to restrain her feelings.

She knew the anger and resentment would finally burn out and fade, only to be substituted by what she really felt. And that would be much, much harder than just detesting Cloud. It was difficult to act you didn't care, when you didn't even understand. There was no way she could understand the new Cloud. She'd have to ask him at some point and finally confront the person he had become.

It scared her. Even if Cloud was connected to something very sad in her past, they still had mainly positive memories about each other. Cloud being like this would ruin those memories, would make them feel like a lie when Tifa very much wanted to believe in them. The moments those memories portrayed had helped her to get through a lot.

On the background the P.E. teacher, Barret, was yelling instructions – and that meant calling them useless mules and ordering three more laps around the gym. The girls complained under their breath, but none dared to challenge Barret.

Tifa simply picked up her pace. Exercise was, in her mind, the best way to relieve tension and work through problems. That was what she would do. Work through this, just like she had worked through much harder things. She was strong, after all.

* * *

_Tifa was ten when Cloud moved away. Tifa's mother had died nearly one year before, and Cloud pretty much was the closest friend she had at that time. All the kids she thought to have cared about her vanished, not comfortable with the change in their friend. Tifa, who had always been cheerful and social, started brooding and talking less and less every day. Only the boy in the house next door remained by her side, even if he couldn't find any words to comfort her with._

_Tifa started visiting the Strife's more often, and at one point she was more likely to be found in Ms. Strife's household than her own. With their neighbors she could find resemblance of a normal life. She'd come by after school and hang out with Cloud until his mother came home, and then Tifa would help Ms. Strife cook dinner. Baking lessons were the only thing to light a smile on her face during that year. Afterwards they'd always make Cloud be the guinea pig and try even their most experimental products._

_Come evening, and Tifa would reluctantly return to her own home. Ms. Strife never asked questions, but never shut the door on her. She was always welcome and slowly, with time, she started recovering. She would smile more and her eyes wouldn't be so puffy from crying all the time. In school, her friends would talk to her once again. She didn't have to come around so often anymore._

_She was sitting in the Strife's kitchen, happily devouring the freshly made cookies. She had finally gotten the receipt right, and even Cloud didn't turn green when he tasted the cookies. The boy sat next to her, both of them dangling their legs in silence when Ms. Strife announced she and Cloud would be going away._

_"To Midgar," she explained, "in next month. I got a better job there, and because Cloud doesn't have a dad, I need to take it. Then Cloud can go to the best schools."_

_Tifa didn't understand. Why were they leaving her? Why couldn't Cloud go to the same school as her, just like before? Why did everything have to change around her?_

_She had always thought that the Strife's would be there, in the house next door, forever. When everything else in her world was in turmoil, this house would always be the same, this family would always be something she could come to. She didn't want to lose them. She didn't want to lose a single thing ever again. But somehow everything she wished for just escaped her._

_"Tifa, dear, you can always write us. And call, too. It's not like we're going to space." But her comforting words didn't matter to Tifa. No matter how often she would write or call, they wouldn't be there to bake cookies with, to spend the afternoons with when she wanted to have nothing to do with her father, just walking around their home like a ghost and whispering words Tifa's mother couldn't hear anymore._

_In the end, she couldn't do anything about it. Of course she couldn't, and so she watched from her window as the men loaded up the trucks and drove away. Then Cloud and her mother got into their small car and took a final look at their house before disappearing for something Tifa thought to be eternity. The Strife's didn't know she was there, as she was supposed to be at school. They had said goodbye last night, but she had wanted to witness them leaving with her own eyes._

_The following years weren't easy, but gradually things turned to better. Her dad stopped drinking and started working, but their relationship was already hollow and weak so she didn't mind his long absences. They moved also away from the house they had lived in with the three of them, and one day Tifa read from the paper that their old house had been demolished._

* * *

His fingers rumbled softly on the steering wheel. He didn't know why he hadn't left already. The school bell had ringed some fifteen minutes ago, but he still was here. Just like waiting, even when he just sat there without any expectations.

His bright blue eyes scanned over the school courtyard and his eyebrows wrinkled in annoyance. What was he doing? That's right, just being plain ridiculous. He groaned and reached for his keys but then that heavy feeling that had glued him in his car seat came back, and Tifa walked into sight. Her face was almost completely hidden in the red scarf around her neck, but Cloud could make out that she was laughing.

He felt stupid and relieved.

Next to Tifa was walking a short, also dark haired girl who looked foreign. Maybe she was an exchange student. It was so like Tifa; stubbornly pushing away all suspicions and getting to know the odd new kid. Cloud remembered she had been the same about him, always remembering to acknowledge him even if others teased her about it.

He also remembered the crush he had on her. He had been so uncomfortable around her, always thinking of a way to impress her and failing miserably.

Now, he knew he didn't care about her anymore. Of course she was a little special, the only face he recognized here was hers, but the embarrassing crush was gone. They were only feelings of childish admiration.

After their move, he had been very interested in how she coped, but it was surprising to notice he still was, at least on some level. She was smiling and laughing, so she had indeed survived. But that was obvious; of course she did survive. She never needed him to help her, and this only confirmed his beliefs.

His gaze followed her until she left the school and parted ways with her friend. Just like he had suspected, she was headed in a strange direction.

So, she didn't live in that house after all.

* * *

AN: Still no explanation on what's bugging Cloud! Maybe next time? ...actually, he does act a little _stalker-y _in this chapter. He could be just crazy, but I'm not telling.

And, I feel bad about ganging Reeve up with the Turks, but I couldn't resist using that label to group them together. A gang with a name is much cooler. Sowwy :(

Anyways, take care and have a great September! Reviews will be met with lots of love!


	3. Chapter 3

AN: Oh ho! Yet another update!

Hehe, I'm in love with my new avatar pic (which I owe to my precious "Aniki", a.k.a friend...). Ain't Cloud just yummy? And conveniently enough, in todays chapter we will find out more of this particular chocobo-head.

My love and gratitude to those who rewieved and/or read, and one especially big thank you to ObsessiveCompulsiveValkyrie for the helpful words with my ratings problems :)  
Feedback inspires me write a whole lot more - and, as a side effect, makes me want to neglect schoolwork... Bad Fezzie.

**Chapter three**

_"__In the dark of the night I could hear you calling my name  
with the hardest of hearts I still feel full of pain"_

Cloud dropped his keys on the tabletop near the door and kicked his shoes off.

"Mom?" He called, shrugging his coat off and just leaving it on the floor with his shoes. It wasn't like his mom would mind. Ms. Strife had let go of nagging him a long time ago.

He entered the hallway which was filled with boxes on top of boxes. Still so much unpacking to do, he sighed. It all seemed so in vain – what was the point? He'd leave this place soon after, anyway. The thought made his chest ache, but he pushed the pain away. He wouldn't deal with it now.

He checked the open living room area in the end of the hallway, also remembering to take a look at the garden. There was no sign of his mother, but he wasn't worried. She didn't go out very often anymore, in fact, there were a lot of things she had stopped doing.

She was probably just asleep. Cloud went upstairs and knocked on the first door to his left. No answer, but he opened the door anyways. And just like he had expected his mom was sound asleep on the bed. Her feet were still on the floor, just like she had decided to sit down for a minute but fallen asleep instead.

Cloud walked over and lifted her feet on the mattress and corrected her form. She stirred lightly, but didn't wake up and he tucked his mom's blonde hair from her face and put the comforter around her. It was a good thing she slept so calmly, and this was probably even natural sleep because he didn't see her sleeping pills anywhere nearby. His gaze went past the picture frames on her nightstands. One photo was of Cloud and his fourth birthday, one was of him at fifteen with his mom, and the last one portrayed him and Tifa. The picture wasn't great; it was blurry and the focus was completely off, he and Tifa didn't even look at the camera, but somehow her mother liked it. In that picture, they were playing in the garden. Cloud remembered it. They were being pirates, their faces and clothes smudged with mud but neither cared. They were so immersed in their roles that they didn't even notice Cloud's mom sneaking about with a camera.

He left the room as quietly as he had came in, and after throwing his school stuff into his room, he descended back downstairs and opened a few of the boxes. He stared at them quietly, and the only sound was the creaking of the wooden floor boards when he shifted his weight from one side to another. He really didn't want to be here. His whole being screamed the need to go back to Midgar. There was no way his mother would've prevented it, if he said he wanted to go back. But, he knew he was only escaping, only running from the evident. This time he would be strong; for his mom, for himself, for them.

Sometimes he thought it would be better for his mom, if he had never been born. She wasn't even eighteen when she got pregnant, and the father disappeared the second he found out. Her parents didn't approve and they never spoke again. She was alone, but somehow they made it. They moved here, and Ms. Strife bought this house. It was old and probably should have been brought down a long time ago, looking at the condition. But his mom renovated the whole house on her own, even working at the same time. She was incredibly strong, and Cloud felt proud of her. Now he was almost the same age as her then, but there was no way he could survive the same things she had survived.

Cloud looked at the house. Even after they moved, it had stayed in their name. Maybe his mom had thought he would want to move back here, once he had graduated in Midgar. Maybe he would have. He had loved Nibelheim, he had missed the mountain air and the snow when they moved to Midgar. Now… there was nothing here for him.

He couldn't even say hi to the girl who he had once worshipped. It was his own damn fault, but that was the way he wanted it. Better not start reminiscing, better not get involved, better not form any bonds. Because, when it was all over, he would leave this place and never come back.

* * *

Ms. Strife woke up a few hours later and found her son downstairs, busily putting together the parts for the coffee table. He had already unpacked the books and put them in their shelf.

"Cloud," she said and he looked up, "you know you don't have to do that. You've got homework, remember?" She sat down on the second lowest step. Cloud replied her with a grunt, going back to work.

"Of course I do. Was it too loud? Did I wake you up?" He felt bad already, but his mom shook her head.

"No, no. I shouldn't have fallen asleep like that… I just felt a little lightheaded, thought I'd sit down and next I was out cold." She smiled. "Are you hungry? I could make you something."

Cloud thought about it for a while. He really didn't want to bother her, she should rest as much as possible, but she looked pretty good now. The shadows under her eyes were gone, she was cheerful and had a little more strength than usual. Coming down the stairs hadn't left her out of breath. He nodded slowly.

"If you feel up to it, a sandwich would be good. The school's food was horrible." He made a face, and his mom laughed. The sound was relieving and heartbreaking at the same time, and Cloud focused in his work, not wanting to look at her. Ms. Strife got up and headed for the kitchen, even humming a little. Cloud smiled sadly. It was always like this. Whatever his mom did, whatever he did, it all reminded him of the future. He knew what his future would be.

"Oh!" His mother was halfway through the kitchen door before she remembered something. "Cloud, you didn't run into Tifa, did you? She should be attending the same school."

"No," Cloud lied, "if she is, I didn't see her." He avoided his mom's disappointed gaze, but he couldn't close his ears from her sigh.

"Okay. That's too bad. I really wanted to see how she had grown up." She disappeared to the kitchen. Cloud had a nagging, guilty feeling so he got up as well and followed her. He leaned his shoulder on the doorframe.

"I mean I really didn't have time to ask about her… I'll do it tomorrow. But who knows, she might've gotten a scholarship somewhere else. You remember how she was, always the perfectionist."

Ms. Strife nodded, rummaging through their half empty cabinets. "Yeah, she probably gets straight A's, unlike a special someone we both know…" After throwing playful look around her shoulder she peeked inside the fridge. Her smile fell. "Oops. Looks like I forgot to go to the store…"

She was angry with herself, how she forgot things, how she could do even less with every passing day. She didn't show it, but Cloud read through her voice. He rushed forward, placing a hand on his mother's shoulder. "Don't worry about it. I'll go now. It's no big deal, really."

"Really?" She confirmed, still not looking at him. He gave her shoulder a light squeeze. "Really."

* * *

Cloud was becoming popular in his school very quickly. Girls swooned and the mere fact that he had come from Midgar made the guys respect him. Everybody in this town talked about moving into the largest city around, so Cloud basically didn't have to talk about anything else than just how great Midgar was.

He was growing tired of it already. It only made him think about what he had left behind.

He didn't see Tifa much. During the classes they shared she made it a point not to look at him, but Cloud sensed she was nervous and uncomfortable every time he was around. He tried not to get in her face too much.

He now sat in the back row, twirling his pencil in his fingers and trying to understand what the English teacher was saying. He found that he wasn't interested and let his eyes roam the classroom. His eyes lingered on Tifa's form, on her tense back. Had she just flinched? Maybe it was done unconsciously, maybe not. His gaze wouldn't move. How had he really expected her to react? He remembered her temper, how she was usually sweet and polite, but when something irritated her, she would lash out. Maybe that was what bothered him. She really should have come up to him and ask what his problem was. Instead she had chosen ignoring him, acting along and behaving like they had never met. Like they had never been friends.

He wondered if she still lived with her dad. He wondered if he was still a drunk. Tifa's mother had died in an accident, a car crash, and Mr. Lockhart was in the car as well. He survived with light bruising, but his wife died in the hospital. The guilt was probably horrible, but it didn't earn him the right to neglect her daughter when she struggled.

_One day Cloud found Tifa sitting on her porch, her pretty eyes swollen from crying. She was quiet and detached. Cloud simply took her hand and started walking, and they walked for a long time, going for the mountain. They didn't go very far, sitting on a steep hill where you could see the whole town. Come nightfall, the lights of Nibelheim sparkled like diamonds. It was cold and windy, but there on that hill, Tifa fell asleep with her head on Cloud's shoulder. She slept until dark when someone found them and contacted their parents. After waking up, she would hold on to Cloud's sleeve the whole trip home.  
_

_Tifa's dad wasn't very happy. He forbid his daughter from seeing Cloud again._

Tifa finally shifted and turned her head, this time flinching more visibly when her eyes met Cloud's. She quickly looked away and tried to act like it was an accident, but her surprise showed. Tifa had always been a bad liar.

Someone poked him in the arm. He tore his eyes from Tifa and looked to his left, where sat Rude. As expressionless as ever, he handed him a note apparently from Reno. He could barely resist rolling his eyes. The teacher wouldn't even notice if they talked.

He read the note.

_Shinra's throwing a party on Friday. Wanna come?_

He nearly frowned. That Shinra guy was a slick bastard who he didn't trust one bit. On the other hand, his mom would be happy if he led her to understand he was adapting to his new school. That, and he could always leave the party if it turned out to be lame.

He nodded at Reno and faked a grin.

* * *

It was Friday, and the night of the party. Everybody wanted to get in, as Rufus Shinra was famous for his parties. And why wouldn't he, with all the money he had? His family mansion had two pools, one outside and one inside, three stories and the front yard could easily rival a football field.

Tifa had visited Shinra Mansion many times now, but she still found navigating inside the countless rooms difficult. And the crowd of partygoers made it that much harder. Tifa tried to slip through the mass of bodies in her way, and protect her drink at the same time.

She was always invited to these parties, even if she didn't belong to Rufus' group. She was too popular to be uninvited. However, partying for her didn't mean as much having fun as it meant trying to survive the many drunken passes guys made at her. Even now someone tried to grope her ass, but she swatted his hand away, making sure to twist it in a painful angle. Guys never remembered that she had done martial arts for years, and could pretty much beat them up if she wanted.

She evaded a guy and a girl who seemed to be grown together from the mouth. This resulted in not looking ahead of her, and she collided with something.

"Hey! Watch it!" came a familiar voice. Tifa looked down and saw Yuffie's dark hair done in a cute bun. The wutaian recognized her friend at the same time, and immediately threw her hands around Tifa. "Tiiiifffaaaa, where have you been? I missed you!" She screamed and Tifa laughed.

There was a pleasant buzz in her head as well, but Yuffie was seriously drunk.

"Yuffie, did you get in a drinking competition again?" She asked, and her friend nodded her head convincingly, slurring, "Yess… but I did drink him under the fucking table! Aren't I great?!" She stroke a pose before a serious look crossed her face.

"Hey, Tifa, have you seen Valentine?" She leaned closer to Tifa's ear. The brunette's eyes widened.

"You mean Vincent Valentine? The guy who doesn't get a joke even if it hit him in the head?"

Vincent was a few years older than her, and had gone to their school. He used to hang with the Turks, but not so much anymore. He was known for his passive and almost lethargic nature.

"Yes," Yuffie admitted, "and, Tifa, I have to confess something." Pause. "I really fucking like him!" She yelled, waving her hands in the air. Alcohol combined with Yuffie always resulted in swearing and hyper activeness. Then the girl's hands flew to her cheeks. "He's just so dark and mysterious and cool and… AH! I see him!"

Yuffie bolted away in a flash, leaving Tifa to giggle by herself. Maybe this was why Yuffie had agreed to stay away from Cloud…

She set out to find a way to get outside. The noise and the amount of drunken people were getting to her, and she desperately needed some air. After a moment of useless searching, she finally found a door leading to the wooden veranda. She went over to the edge and hopped on the cold grass. There, a little farther from the house, stood a swing. It was set under a tree, overlooking a pond. Tifa wondered if the Shinra's had used a professional to design their garden. She sat down on the swing, rubbing her arms for warmth.

She was wearing tight fitted jeans and a silk top that was tight on the chest, but flowed freely down to her hips. On her shoulders was a short hoodie. She looked good, but not in a cheap way.

Tifa took a few deep breaths and was just thinking of going back inside to fetch Yuffie, as the younger girl probably couldn't get home by herself, when she heard steps approaching.

Cloud was far drunker than he had originally expected, and when he slumped down in the swing, he was only happy to sit next to a hot chick. He didn't even realize who it was before he saw two large ruby eyes staring at her. "Oh. Damn." He rubbed a hand down his face.

When she didn't leave immediately, he sneaked a glance at Tifa. She was looking away, biting her lip. _'Oh. What's this?'_

"How's your mom?" She asked weakly, still refusing to meet his eyes. It was the first time he heard her voice in about seven years. It felt odd, but mainly he was sorry that she had come up with that particular question.

"She's fine." It was uncomfortable, embarrassing, difficult and painful for both of them. Cloud was happy for the alcohol in his system, otherwise he probably couldn't handle this right now.

"Say something." There was hurt in her voice. But still she lingered.

"I just did."

"No, say something real. Tell me something. Anything."

"Why?" He saw Tifa's hands curl into fists. She probably battled her own feelings, conquered them, and finally looked at him. "Alright. Then I'll ask the questions."

He nodded. "Alright."

"Why did you come back?" There she went already, asking the questions that were better left alone. He shrugged.

"It's complicated. We lost the house in Midgar and have to stay here until mom figures out what we're going to do."

"Can I see her?"

"She's… not here." When he saw her curious look, he shook his head. "Like I said. It's complicated."

"Okay." From her eyes, Cloud saw that she believed him, no matter how vague his explanation was. It seemed that unlike Tifa, Cloud _was _a good liar. "Then, why did you pretend not to know me? Does it have something to do with why you hate this place so much?"

It was Cloud's turn to be a little confused. "Hate?" Pause. "I don't hate Nibelheim, I just don't care about it anymore. My life isn't here anymore, it's in Midgar. My school, my friends, my… everything. There is nothing here for me." His words were final.

"…You have me."

Tifa didn't know why she said that. She felt more shocked with herself than with anything Cloud had said. "I'm sorry," she muttered and looked down at her lap, completely humiliated. She thought she should leave before it got worse.

Cloud watched her. Really watched her; regarded her every feature and counted the ones he knew and the ones he didn't. He was mesmerized. Her pretty face, her long straight hair coming down like a waterfall on her shoulders and back, her skin having that healthy glow, her long, dark lashes framing those eyes that contrasted with her pale complexion. His brow furrowed; he tried to remember how the girl in Midgar had fair skin, had a face of pure porcelain, but all he could think of was what it would be like to lie so close to Tifa that her dark, silky strands of hair would blend together with his blonde spikes.

"I do?" he asked slowly and in deep tones. Tifa turned around and her eyes caught the light coming from the house. She was truly the traditional Nibelheim beauty, picture perfect amongst the snow and the dark. "What?" Her voice was only a whisper.

"I do still have you? I thought you couldn't stand the sight of me."

The light tease in his words made her lips curl a touch. "Well, you were being an ass."

Maybe there was something between them that could be salvaged. Maybe there was a part of Cloud that still resembled the little boy Tifa had once known. "Yeah, you have me. But I guess that's not much if you detest every other person in this town."

Cloud kept an intentional pause. "Reeve and that Valentine are okay."

"See? We're not all that bad," Tifa said, chuckling lightly. "You just chose to hang out with the wrong people."

"Who should I hang out with, then? You?" Cloud knew he was on dangerous grounds. He shouldn't start anything. But, somehow, he didn't care. Hopefully it was only the alcohol telling him Midgar was far away, almost in a different world altogether. Anything he did here would have no effect in Midar. It couldn't have.

His eyes were glued to Tifa's lips when she spoke. "I'm not saying it's impossible."

Her smile was simply alluring, and Cloud leaned forward, suddenly wanting to capture it with his own lips.

His mouth grazed hers and his eyes drank in the surprise her orbs screamed. In that fracture of a second, he was pulled into a different place that wiped away all his memories and erased the future he was so afraid of, and there he was, just floating in that empty space, wrapped in Tifa's intoxicating scent. He was addicted; he wanted more and more and more…

"No, Cloud." Tifa whispered and her hands pushed him away. She looked so sad as she left him there.

How could reality be so bitter, when the taste lingering on his lips was so sweet?

* * *

AN: It's just the third chapter and a kiss already?! And, Cloud has a girl in Midgar?! Oh no!  
Now, away with the exclamation points and question marks. Anyway I guess that's what you'd call rapid developement, but I did want to get things going.

Okay, 'til next time people, and feel free to leave a comment! ;)

_Lyrics from the song "Revelry" by Kings Of Leon._


	4. Chapter 4

AN: I'm back! And not with just one, but two chapters! Are you happy?  
It continues to amaze me that people actually enjoy this story. I love you all, my dear readers :) Okay, so, now to the reason as to why I decided to post two chapters at once. The main reason is the crap quality and the lack of action for chapter five. Originally I planned on posting that invidually but when I put myself in a reader's position that chapter became a disappointment. And now that I think about it, chapter five makes more sense coupled with chapter four. Combining them didn't work either (it would be one long and badly constructed chapter), hence the decision to post two chapters simultaneously.

Enough explaining already. I hope you like it!

_Disclaimer: I own nothing.  
_

**Chapter four**

"_A barren winter came over and your mood was like a fire  
seven years and a summer, and you still sit there cry  
You're better without me, you're one of a kind"_

Numerous questions, endless questions swirled in her head. It was all about questions; questions she had asked Cloud and questions she now asked herself. And questions she wanted to address at a divine power, because she couldn't solve them by herself. Every thread of strength ran away from her muscles, and she just stood there, on the Shinra driveway, watching her breath turn into mist in the freezing air. The cold pinched her skin, but she was numb.

She had wiped the kiss away again and again. It was so wrong. It was so sudden.

It was wonderful, and she couldn't get it from her head. She looked behind her. _'What if he comes after me? What do I do next?'_

She probably had to get away. But… Yuffie. She dreaded going in and looking for her friend, but she couldn't leave her.

Tifa dropped down on her heels. She was just so… confused. At first they were talking, even joking, and she had been glad. She wanted them to know each other, she wanted them to be friends again. Then he would do something like that and completely shock her.

But she knew the reason she had left. They were too fragile. And, she sensed something heavy from Cloud. Something bad that worried her deeply… like he was teetering on the edge of a cliff and the littlest of pushes could throw him down. She shouldn't get involved before she knew what it was.

She ignored the nagging feeling at the back of her mind which reminded her of her usual tendencies. She was too compassionate and felt too much empathy when she saw someone struggle. People normally qualified this as good traits in a human being, but there was a limit to how far you should try to understand and help another person. Tifa was blind to that limit every time she thought she could help someone, being kind and generous by nature, but also knowing what it was like to suffer. Her own past pain would have been significantly easier to handle, if someone was there to be with her, to support her. She didn't want anyone to go through the same, not when she could make a difference.

'_There is no way you can leave him alone,' _the voice taunted and Tifa shook her head involuntarily. There had to be a way. She shouldn't get messed up in something complicated, even if it was for her childhood friend.

No. Not childhood friend. If they couldn't go back to normal after tonight, she would forget as well that they had known each other. That he had once meant a world, even if she was young and stupid and hurting.

Tifa got up and went inside, placing every step with extra care and continuously looking around her, trying to spot blonde hair coming her way. If he were to confront her, she would be at a total loss for words.

"Yuffie?" she called, moving forwards in the crowd and even pushing people aside which was unusual of her. They were too drunk to notice, anyway. "Yuffie!" Now there was more eagerness, more impatience in her voice. She wanted out. She wanted to go back home; away from the music, away from the people, away from the heat. She had to cool down. Calling her friend's name several times, she finally saw the tiny figure sitting on a chair in a rather slumped position. There was some random guy talking to her, but Tifa guessed Yuffie's answers were pretty much incomprehensible.

She finally arrived, glaring openly at the guy. He vanished. "Hey Yuff, wanna get home?" Her only reply was a slur of words and a headshake, which Tifa ignored. She put her hand around Yuffie's waist and yanked her up. The wutaian leaned heavily on her, but Tifa managed to support her and get both of them out. She didn't see Yuffie's face as the girl was head down, but could already figure she was wasted. Tifa took them in the direction she thought her car would be. She was pleasantly surprised to actually see it there, and had to let go of Yuffie when she fumbled for her keys.

Yuffie slumped down on the driveway and swayed from right to left. It looked dangerously like she was about to collapse. "Hang in there," Tifa said absently. Where the hell were the damn keys? She remembered putting them in her purse…

Then the thought hit her. She couldn't drive. She wasn't very drunk, but definitely over the limit. "Shit!"

"Whaattt… Tiff…aaa!" Her friend croaked from the ground, desperately trying to focus her eyes on Tifa's standing form.

"It's nothing." Tifa grumbled and fell silent for a few deep, calming breaths. She was already freezing. "Say, Yuffie, how do you feel about a nice long walk home? It will probably sober you right up."

There was a long wail as Yuffie threw her hands up and promptly fell on her back. "Nnoooo…!"

"What are we going to do, then?" Tifa leaned against the driver door, sighing. "I don't want to stay here either." But as expected, Yuffie didn't have any creative ideas to share and settled for mumbling drunkenly on the ground. Tifa thought she should probably lift her up, but there was no strength in her muscles. This whole evening was turning into a headache.

"Do you need a ride?" There was a voice from behind them. Very deep and calm, no, calm wasn't the right word. Lifeless. Tifa had heard it before and turned around to see the tall figure of Vincent Valentine. His dark clothes and hair were hard to make out in the dim light.

Tifa's surprise turned into frustration. There, behind Vincent, was standing none other than Cloud. His footing didn't seem very secure, and Tifa figured he must have gotten drunker than before. Great. His eyes still gleamed brightly as if the dark had no affect on them. Tifa leaped to the snoring Yuffie's side and tried to haul her up. This was even better than great, because if someone told Yuffie what had happened, she would be eternally pissed at Tifa for letting Vincent see her like this. "No, thanks… We're just… fine…" she grunted between breaths.

The sight must have been pretty pathetic, as it made the always stoic Vincent stride forward and seize Yuffie under her arm. He lifted the girl lightly as a feather and the stunned Tifa let go. "…thanks."

"It's nothing." His voice was truly like velvet, but empty as if it had been drained from emotion. "I hope you don't mind I'm dropping Cloud off as well. My car is right there next to yours."

Tifa's eyes met Clouds. There was something sharp in his gaze that she didn't like, but she had no choice but to give in. "Of course not." She started after Vincent, intending to open the back door for Yuffie, when Cloud's voice interrupted. "Put her in the front, Vincent. I'll sit with Lockhart."

Tifa drew a quick breath at his words but refused to meet his eyes, which burned holes in her back. Vincent just turned his head slightly, as if considering the look on Cloud's face, but didn't have any objections. Of course he didn't have. And so, Yuffie was set on the front seat and Cloud slid in the back next to Tifa. He still wouldn't stop staring at her, but the look he gave her wasn't simply pleasant. It wasn't something you expected to be getting after being kissed by the same man.

Vincent's car smelled strongly of leather and the engine emitted a low growl, sending soft tremors through the whole vehicle. They pulled away from the mansion and darkness encircled them.

Air inside the vehicle was freezing, but not from the temperature. Tifa concentrated on just staring outside even if she couldn't see a single thing, but felt Cloud's eyes on her the whole time. She was growing more uneasy with every passing second, and hoped for some miraculous interruption. It could be anything, really, as long as it pulled Cloud's attention away from her. But the heavy, awful silence just stretched on. Vincent either didn't sense the strangling atmosphere, or paid no heed to it. He just drove quietly ahead. Tifa frowned on the inside, thinking he had it easy. Even Yuffie had stopped snoring.

Tifa called for her willpower but found nothing. She was too nervous to look at him, too confused to say anything, and to be frank, scared of the dark air that had surrounded Cloud. What would he say? Would he try to do it again? Would he apologize? Once again, the questions flooded her mind and she scrunched her eyebrows, completely unaware of doing it.

Cloud's sudden, sour voice made her jump. "Was it that awful?" His voice was low and there was something in it that Tifa couldn't read. She finally turned around, anxiously fidgeting with the hem of her top. "What?" Cloud didn't look at her anymore. It had stopped the second she turned to face him.

"You know what." He muttered, pressing his fingers to his temples as in pain. He mumbled something along the lines of, "it won't leave my head. What I did. It won't go away, damn damn damn damn… No matter what I try to think… "

Was it panic Tifa sensed in him? Alarms went off in her head when she saw his fingers curl into his own hair, tugging on it forcefully. "Damn damn damn… damn…" The curses continued, and Tifa's hand shot out to encircle Cloud's fingers with her own.

"Stop. Please." She couldn't prevent her voice from shaking, and the words came out weak, almost as pleas. She was doing something incredibly foolish, when she should just do her best to stay away from him. She pulled his hands towards her, away from his hair, where they had been twisted. "Stop it." Now her hands trembled as well and fear surged in her veins. Fear of him, fear of the incredible instability she sensed in him. Just what kind of monsters did he battle?

Vincent's eyes were reflected on the mirror. "What's going on?" But he probably couldn't see more than the crouched form of Cloud so Tifa reacted on instinct and leaned forward, flashing a smile. "It's nothing. He's tired." There. It sounded pretty convincing, considering the fact that she didn't even know why she was lying. She felt Cloud's hands slip away, and squeezed harder.

"Let go." His voice, like steel, rasped and he tried to distance his body from Tifa's. The brunette still held Vincent's gaze trough the mirror, and she could see he didn't believe her. She didn't expect that. She was counting on his nature and his usual habit of not interfering, of distancing himself from everyone's business. It worked, and Vincent's crimson eyes went back to the road.

"Let go," Cloud said, a little louder this time. Tifa scooted so their bodies were pressed together, her thigh to his, but she did not feel it. Frantic whispers left her lips that were hovering just above Cloud's ear. "Cloud, don't do this now. Don't behave like this. You don't want them to know, right? Then don't behave like this, and I'll let go. It will be okay." Her nails dug into the skin of his hands and the dark satin of her hair was like a curtain separating them from everything else, from the world itself.

Cloud's breathing eased down, his muscles relaxed and his hands stopped coiling in her grasp, and she finally released him. "You okay?"

The voice in Tifa's head came back when she let those words leave her. It mocked her, knowing now that it had been right all along. She couldn't keep away from him. She had already started caring. She tried her best to ignore the voice while she waited for his answers. It took him a few more seconds. "…yeah." He sounded a little bit more in control, and Tifa could relax herself. He hadn't actually broken down yet, but merely seeing him like that had really terrified her. She remained close to Cloud, her head bent down like his, but not really aware of their proximity.

She wasn't sure she should, but she asked anyway,

"What was that?"

Cloud's head turned towards the window and, again, he was silent before answering. "I made a mistake. Back there." He was closing off, regretting his weakness, regretting that Tifa had seen it. It surprised her how well she could read him. "Cloud, we can't. You know that, right? Not like this." She whispered, feeling the referred kiss burn her lips yet again.

"I know," he replied. "I've been doing some pretty messed up stuff lately, but it won't happen again. I swear." Pale street lights swirled past in the window, illuminating his face in their cold hues. His lips moved. "It's just… God, sometimes…" There, there it was again; the vulnerability and the sensitive boy still inside him –

"What? What is it?"

But Tifa knew the moment was already over and that a wall had formed between them. Somehow, she felt incredibly lonely as she watched Cloud's empty face, his cheek pressed against the cold window and his eyes staring blankly ahead. If it was seven years ago, he probably would have opened up to her, if she gently urged him. That kind of trust and care had begun to form between them… only to be torn to pieces by time and distance coming between them.

Tifa closed her eyes and moved back to her own side. Her head leaned on the back rest. "Cloud?" she felt exhausted, but something still had to be said. Probably for his sake only, because she knew it wouldn't help her in the slightest.

Cloud didn't even acknowledge that she had spoken to him.

"We can forget the whole thing ever happened. We never need to speak about it again, all right?"

"Yeah. I don't care."

After that, nothing was said during the rest of the drive.

Tifa struggled to stay awake and keep giving Vincent instructions, but her relief was evident when her house came into sight. The porch light was on, just like she had left it. Vincent pulled in on the short driveway leading towards the garage. Their house was pretty large for only two people, with too stories and spacey rooms. Its stone walls were a soft eggshell color and the roof was black, and the simplistic colors combined with the very geometrical and precise architecture made the house look modern …and cold, as Tifa liked to think.

She had loved their old house; how it was tilted and distorted, how it had all these little flaws, etched into her memory forever. The tiles would fall from the roof, paint would chip from the window frames and the ceiling above the fireplace was black with soot. The whole house aged with the people who lived in it, and all around the imperfections were marks left by the Lockharts. Compared to that, this fancy building was luxurious – but also empty and impersonal. It didn't feel like home, even when she had lived here for many years. It still didn't look anything like them.

If someone asked her, she would have moved back into their own house without a beat. But, it was not the same for her father. When his wife died, Mr. Lockhart did everything he could to get rid of painful memories. To him, it meant moving from the house that still smelled like his wife and selling all the furniture he had once bought with her for their first home together. In that house, it felt like Mrs. Lockhart was still around; unseen and unheard and unreachable, but always haunting in every corner and behind every window. Tifa's dad couldn't stand it and drank to scare the ghosts away until alcohol stopped working, and they moved away.

Tifa opened the door. She noticed Cloud's head turn in the direction of her house. "Thanks a lot, Vincent. We owe you." She said, stepping out and closing the door before Cloud could get a better look. Vincent got out as well, and they both went around to drag Yuffie from the car. The tall man even carried Tifa's friend to the door. He was surprisingly helpful, and Tifa had to swallow a giggle when Yuffie's head turned in her sleep and she buried her face in his chest. Vincent's face had gone completely blank – well, even more blank than normal. Tifa got the door open and let Vincent hand Yuffie over, so that the smaller girl was positioned against Tifa.

Tifa offered Vincent a quick smile before heading in, "Thank you again, and good night."

"Good night," came the quiet reply and Vincent's form drew away. Tifa guided Yuffie and herself inside the hallway and flipped on the light. Yuffie was slowly waking and babbled words Tifa couldn't understand. She set her friend down and started on the task of getting them both out of their shoes, then picked Yuffie up again and went for the stairs. "Yuffie, the stairs. Wake up." She shook the wutaian girl gently, until she stirred enough to realize what was going on… to some extent, at least. She rubbed her eyes and mumbled more, until she managed to start walking the stairs, one foot at a time. It took them several minutes to reach the final step, but at last Yuffie collapsed on Tifa's bed, fast asleep already. Tifa, on the other hand, wasn't so lucky. She fetched Yuffie a bucket in case she felt sick – which she undoubtedly would –, rolled a mattress on the floor and went to wash her face and teeth. She pulled an old t-shirt over her head, opened the window and slipped in her makeshift bed, pulling the covers over her head.

Thoughts swirled and ignored feelings tugged on her mind. But she was far too tired to think this trough now, to think about anything that had happened. _'I'll do it tomorrow.'_

Her lips wouldn't stop tickling.

* * *

"I want to die," Yuffie moaned with her head between her knees. She had just come from the toilet and sat down in the couch in Tifa's living room. Her friend laughed and even had the nerve not to feel bad about it. After all, Yuffie had brought this on herself.

Tifa did hand her a large glass of water in the end. "Here, it won't make it go away but you'll feel better quicker."

"No, Tifa, seriously – just take that remote and stuff it down my throat," the wutaian continued and turned her bloodshot eyes to Tifa. The brunette laughed again and backed away.

"Ew, Yuff, you look like a zombie just about to eat me."

"Gee, thanks a lot." Yuffie slumped deeper in the cushions, bringing a hand to her eyes. She probably had one hell of a headache, despite the aspirin Tifa had given her earlier. Tifa sat down besides her and patted her shoulder, changing the channel with her other hand. Soap reruns were on; the perfect cure for a hangover brain. They had slept 'til noon and now neither of them knew what time it was. In the kitchen were the remains of home delivered pizza.

Yuffie suddenly put one of the pillows on her face, like she was about to suffocate herself.

"What?" Tifa inquired.

"Today is Saturday, right? I was hoping it was somehow Sunday, but miracles don't happen, do they…" The dark haired girl muttered, her voice smothered by the pillow.

Tifa sat up and yanked the pillow from her friend's grasp. "Explain yourself."

There was a deep sigh. "Saturday is the day I call my dad. I always do that, because if I don't, he'll swim across the ocean to yell at me how I'm so irresponsible and immature and how he expected more of me when he let me transfer schools… And that's just what happens if I _don't_ call. But if I call him now, he'll know I've been drinking and then it's the same speech, only worse." The sigh made a comeback. "Stupid Godo."

"You should call him. In case he really does swim here." Tifa said, but inside she was sympathetic. Yuffie's relationship with her dad wasn't easy either. They cared about each other deeply, but Godo Kisaragi had very high expectations of his daughter, which she found difficult to fulfill. Or just didn't care about her father's wishes. Yuffie had joked with Tifa that the fights with her dad were so bad she had to move to a different continent.

"I don't wanna," Yuffie whined and then looked hopefully at Tifa. "Tifa?"

"…Yes?" She replied, sensing something ominous in those pleading eyes.

"Tifa, you're my very, very, very dearest best friend, right? You think of me as a sister, right?"

"…Yes…"

"Then, as my very best dearest friend slash twin sister separated at birth, you wouldn't mind calling my dad for me? You'll just have to agree with everything he says and say 'Yes, Father' every now and then. He won't suspect a thing!" Before Tifa had even noticed, Yuffie had moved so close that their faces were inches apart. The girl's face beamed, but Tifa was unaffected and moved coldly away.

"Your dad? No way, he's too scary!" In fact, Tifa hadn't ever met Yuffie's dad face to face, but the few pictures hanging in Yuffie's place were enough proof. In every photo, the man had the same look of disapproval.

Yuffie quit her sweet and innocent-act and pouted. "You're a bad friend! And to think I even called you a sister!" Tifa just snorted.

"Get over it." With that, she stood and went to rummage through the kitchen cabinets, looking for anything sweet and greasy and bad for them but what would taste so good. Sometimes one could have a moment of weakness.

"By the way, Tifa," a thoughtful looking Yuffie said, sprawled on the couch, when her brunette friend came back, a bowl in her hands that was filled to the brim with store-bought donuts and cupcakes. "There is something bothering me about yesterday."

Tifa set the bowl on the floor and sat down next to it. She picked up a cupcake. "Yeah? What about it?"

Yuffie did the same, explaining, "Well, the last thing I remember about you is bumping to each other after I won that drinking competition. I think I said something pretty embarrassing things then, but, I didn't see you after that. Where were you, and more importantly, who were you with? Don't tell me you met some super hot guy but forgot to mention it!"

"There is nothing embarrassing about liking someone. I was just surprised with the object of your affections," said Tifa softly, looking Yuffie in the eyes. She admitted to herself she was trying to distract her friend, but she wasn't certain if she was comfortable with telling Yuffie what had happened. She hadn't really given thought to it, never mind the whole evening.

There was one thing she knew. She couldn't talk about the kiss. She didn't want to talk about it.

"I don't know. But I wish I could remember what I said to him…" Yuffie hid her head in the pillows, mortified. Tifa offered her another cupcake. "I'm sure you maintained your reputation." She said, lying of course, but couldn't find the heart to tell Yuffie what truly had happened. How she had nearly drooled all over Vincent's shirt – she was really better off not knowing that stuff. When she found out, now that was another case, but Tifa would deal with her famous wutaian temper then and there.

"Back to what we were discussing," the said wutaian reminded, looking expectant. "What oh what kept you so entertained?"

Tifa waved her hand in the air dismissively. "Nothing special happened. Strife, the new guy, came to talk to me – but yeah, he was the same as everybody else. He seemed to think my face was down here," she told in a bored voice, motioning to her chest area. So, she told the truth – partly.

"Well, you do have a nice rack." Yuffie remarked naturally, making Tifa give her a flat look. She shrugged. "What? You should be happy that boys even bother to stare down your top. It's not like they do it to me; I have nothing to show." She rolled on her stomach. "But I guess you were right telling me not to approach him. It would've been a waste of time now that we know the type he prefers. You think he'll hook up with Scarlet?"

Yuffie had a pleasant laugh, but Tifa didn't find the idea at all amusing. "No way. He has to have some level of taste, because he thinks Vincent and Reeve are okay. The rest of the Turks weren't even mentioned."

"Really!?" Yuffie bolted up, apparently forgetting her headache, "he knows Vincent?!"

Tifa stayed calm. "Yeah. We shared a ride."

"We shared a ride with Vincent?! And you didn't tell me?!"

"I was just coming to that. Calm down before you give yourself a stroke."

Yuffie grabbed her head, and for a moment Tifa thought she was really having an infarct. But, it seemed her headache was coming back with a vengeance. Yuffie crouched down, swearing aloud. "…Jesus, that hurt."

Tifa just smiled faintly at her. With Yuffie, there never was a boring moment. "So?"

"So what?"

"Do you forgive me for not telling you?"

Her friend seemed to ponder this suggestion, until finally nodded her head. "I guess. But there is one exception: we need to start hanging around with this Cloud Strife, and you'll make it happen."

Tifa frowned. "I don't think that's a good idea." But she knew there was no stopping Yuffie once she got something in her head.

"Oh come on now! It couldn't be so bad, just a few admiring glances here and there, and I get to spend time with the man of my dreams. Do it for me, Tifa! Please!" She had risen to her knees once again, not realizing it would backfire on her.

"No."

"Pretty please?"

A heated staring contest ensued between them, until Tifa threw in the towel. She felt too guilty about lying anyway. But she still had the right to grumble about it. "…fine. I'll talk to him on Monday, but if he as far as looks at me funny, you're on your own." She bit her lip, casting her eyes down but hoping Yuffie wouldn't notice.

Cloud wouldn't do that. He would rather cut off his own hand than touch her.

Lucky for Tifa, her friend was way too ecstatic to see or hear anything. When she heard Tifa's agreement, she launched herself from the couch and threw her hands around Tifa. "Yay! Tifa, you're the best! My very best dearest friend! I'll make your dad adopt me so we'll be sisters for real!"

Tifa laughed and hugged her back. She'd just have to see how this played out. She half hoped Cloud would ignore her, so she could go back to Yuffie and say she'd tried her best.

"Yeah, yeah. But I think you'll still have to call your dad."

* * *

AN: Onwards to the next chapter, peeps!

_Lyrics from the song "Soulweeper #2" by Volbeat._


	5. Chapter 5

AN: This is the second part of my double update in which we see Cloud's take on the "morning after"... Again, I apologize for the lack of action in this one. I wanted to sort out Cloud's thoughts properly.

_Disclaimer: I own nothing._

**Chapter five**

"_Let me come in  
Be there inside her  
Here it begins, here is the sin  
Something to lie about"_

A thousand bees buzzed inside Cloud's head, and even the running of the water couldn't erase their sound. He stood in the shower, had been standing there for many minutes, just letting the warmth wash over him and the steam envelope him.

He was not clean. No matter what he did, his previous actions wouldn't go away. He felt like crap, and it wasn't due to the hangover. It was mental. He wanted to beat himself up and to rip his lips apart and to crush his hands so that he couldn't touch a living thing ever again. What had he done? Who was he becoming? He wasn't some cheating asshole. He was supposed to be faithful and not spare a single glance towards the girls of this town.

But… Tifa. Oh God, Tifa, and her scent and her lips and her eyes and her hair and her skin. She wouldn't leave his head; she would follow his every step and watch his every breath. Constantly there, hovering in his sub consciousness. Making him think about yesterday, about the mistake, about how fucked up he was.

He got out, put on pants and went out to the balcony to smoke. His hands trembled when he took out the white, slim object and put it to his lips. He really wasn't a smoker. Honest. But he kept a pack stored away for emergencies, and this was one of them. The coldness made his skin prickle, and, in contrast, when he inhaled the smoke burned in his lungs. It wasn't pleasant, none of this was pleasant.

Inhale, exhale, smoke tangled upwards in the air. He followed the haphazard ornaments it drew, but couldn't really concentrate. He must have looked like a junkey; standing there, half naked, shivering from the cold and the shock and the hangover. He was pathetic. He smoked another cigarette.

The light hurt his eyes.

Pain was good. He deserved that. It made him think a little clearer, or maybe it was the nicotine and all the poisons entering his system.

He had thought about calling Zack and telling him everything, but decided against it. He knew he'd only break down, maybe cry and roll around in self pity. He wanted that even less than he wanted this guilt and regret eating away his insides. He always ran to Zack for help, but Zack couldn't fix this. He wasn't sure if he could fix it himself.

Third cigarette, and now he was feeling sick. He put it out and headed inside, carefully hiding the pack in his sock drawer. He pulled a clean shirt over his head, hoping his mom wouldn't notice the smell of smoke. It was probably a futile hope. He sat down, his head in his hands, to gather his thoughts.

All right. He had kissed Tifa, his childhood friend he wasn't supposed to know, his first crush who he wasn't supposed to be attracted to. Why had he done it? He was drunk… no, that was only an excuse. Inside, he knew the reason. The reason was playing her old records downstairs. All these cheesy, sappy songs he used to hate as a kid. He'd have to throw away the albums afterwards, he'd have to sell the house, he'd have to burn all the pictures; he'd have to destroy every piece of evidence… Panic was coming back, and he concentrated on breathing. There, inhale, exhale, and slowly his hands stopped trembling.

Cloud knew he was so damn lonely and so damn scared. But why Tifa? Why didn't any girl do; someone he didn't know from before, someone who had nothing to do with him? No, he wasn't some coldhearted bastard who'd use any anonymous girl to satisfy his hunger.

The answer was in her words; telling him he still had her, that he still had someone in this world. That had somehow numbed the pain. And her smile and her presence, how she had been there, only inches from him and not thousands of miles away like the others. Cloud started to realize why he had been so smitten with her for all those years they spent together.

Tifa was dangerous. He should try his best to remain at a safe distance. No, that wasn't right; he _would_ stay away. He would be strong and never look at Tifa again. He would redeem himself.

He sat for a few more minutes.

His insides were becoming hollow. He realized it now – this town, soon to be dressed in the innocent white of snow, idyllic and beautiful, was already killing him. Oh, the irony.

* * *

Cloud's mother was sitting at the kitchen table, the paper spread before her and a coffee mug in her hand. Music streamed in from the living room, the volume was high, just how she liked it.

"Good morning," she said, not turning to face her son when he appeared. Cloud breezed by and grabbed the largest mug around before settling down across from his mother. She lifted her gaze, studied him silently but said nothing about the very dark shadows under his eyes or the look on his face.

"I didn't hear you come in last night. Were you late?" She wasn't complaining or scolding but merely asking. She had given up on that part of parenting and now concentrated on the positive sides. Cloud could pretty much do what he wanted. "Yeah," he answered, taking an apple from the fruit bowl. Last night, he had found his mom sprawled on the couch. She had been waiting for him; silly, responsible woman. He almost took her hand which was resting on the table.

She flipped one page. "And did you have fun?"

"Sort of. Vincent gave me a lift home." The apple was like ash in his mouth, he really didn't have an appetite but filling his stomach up with something would probably make him feel better. His coffee was black; he didn't feel like he earned his milk or sugar today.

"So that's where your car is. You could have called me, you know, and I would have come to pick you up. I still do that." Ms. Strife had stopped reading and focused her eyes on Cloud's face. They looked solemn and calm, just like her words had sounded, but inside Cloud they wrecked chaos. "I know mom, but I can take care of myself. You don't need to wait up like you did yesterday."

His mother frowned. "You're not all grown up, Cloud. You worry too much. I'm your mother, so I'm supposed to do all the worrying."

"I don't worry," he said, voice low, "I'm fine."

"Don't lie."

"What should I do, then? You tell me all the time to be normal, but when I do that, you're still not satisfied. Tell me, just what the hell do you want?! " Cloud suddenly noticed he was standing. And shouting. At his mother.

Her only reaction to his outburst was a sad look. "I want what I've always wanted - for you to be happy."

"Happy? _Happy?! _How could I be? There is nothing happy here, there is nothing normal here. There is no 'fine' in our lives, not anymore." His breathing had become heavy and rapid, and blood pounded in his ears, but finally he started to calm down and dropped back into his chair. He was such a low, low human being. "I'm sorry," he said, not meeting his mother's gaze, "I'm sorry, but 'happy' is just bullshit."

His mother's hand closed around his, squeezing tightly, almost like she was scared of letting go. "I'm sorry too. It's not easy." Her words earned a dry, sarcastic chuckle from him. "Damn right it's not easy. It's a nightmare that I can't wake up from."

Silence followed his words; silence that was heavy like lead from the sadness and the hurt and the powerlessness. Cloud rose from his seat, went around the table and pulled his mom against him. She was so tiny and frail, almost like a doll in his arms when he hugged her. She hugged back with every piece of strength she had left, she hugged him for a long time, until the threat of tears went away. And Cloud held her, even if it hurt him.

Ignorance was so much easier than this.

When she pulled back, she fixed strands of hair from his face and smiled at him. "I have my doctor's appointment today to renew my prescription. Will you drive me?"

Cloud nodded. He should be doing everything his mom asked him to, even if it meant like acting the happy family. What he was experiencing was rough, rougher than anything else in his life, but it must be even harder for his mother. No, unbearable was the right description, but she still found the strength to smile and get up every morning. If it were Cloud, he would have stayed in his bed, hoping to sleep past everything painful.

"Sure, if your car starts."

He hated the deathtrap his mom used to drive. She had gotten him a nice car, but refused to sell the old one, even if it broke down every other day and Cloud had to fix it, yet again. It would be an embarrassment to be seen in that thing, and even worse, with his mom! He wondered what the idiots in school would have to say about that.

His mom kicked him out of the kitchen, telling him to get dressed properly.

* * *

While his mother was with the doctor, Cloud sat in the lobby area, just flipping through a women's magazine. The headlines jumped across his eyes. '_How_ _to Please Your Man'_, '_The Official Guide to a Perfect Date'_, '_The 100 Best Presents This Christmas'_... his grin froze.

'_Is He Cheating?'_

The words screamed at him and his stomach did flips. He almost dropped the magazine from his hands, like it had burned him. The lady on the bench across from him looked curious. Cloud coughed and put the magazine back in the stand, feigning indifference, but his mind raced.

Exactly what constituted a cheater? Was he one of them? Would the rules apply to him and his current situation in life? He didn't know. He hadn't ever meant for this to happen – no, he had never ever even dreamed himself capable of doing it. Of hurting someone like that.

Cloud tried to bring in mind the face of the girl in Midgar. It was surprisingly hard, like he couldn't remember her features. Like she was some distant creature in a dream he had had last night, fading away with dawn. He wasn't sure if the girl even existed. He sighed, and flipped his phone open.

'_Maybe I should call,' _he thought, but his finger wouldn't move to press the speed dial. She was number one there. Zack was second. They were his 911, his safety net, but calling them now would only blow everything right up, and then he'd have nothing to return to after leaving Nibelheim.

This was the case. He was too selfish to tell the truth. Too much of a coward to face the consequences.

Just face it, he thought coldly. _'They believed in you, and you cheated. You're the worst, the lowest of the lowest.' _Cloud didn't even realize he had been standing in the same spot for minutes, staring at empty space with a terrible look of horror on his face. He could never face them. If he did that, he would only cower with fear and in the end, they'd be the ones consoling him, the criminal and villain of this sad story.

Cloud felt physically sick, and started for the toilets, just as his mother stepped out of the doctor's room.

He must have looked green or something, because she was alarmed the moment she saw her son. "Cloud? Is everything all right?" Ms. Strife stepped closer to examine him, but Cloud evaded her. He took a heavy breath, shook his head, and forced his lips into something resembling a smile. "It's nothing. I just wanted to wash my hands, you know, because of the flu going around…" He quickly sidestepped his mother and disappeared into the men's facilities.

Inside, he leaned against one of the sinks, gripping the porcelain sides so hard it turned his knuckles white. _'Get it together,_' he told the mirror before him. The man staring back at him was a pathetic sight and one he didn't care to watch for long. He couldn't have his mother asking questions all the time, because sooner or later, the explanation would burst out from him. And, the last thing his mom deserved right now was to know that like father, like son and that Cloud was a failure unworthy of people's trust.

But, he did wash his hands and walk his mother back to the car, busily trying to banish her incredulous looks with lively chatter. He was relieved when the car's radio sputtered to life, and his mother turned the volume up, smiling and humming along.

* * *

"Now, are you sure you can drive back? You're not tired or anything?" Cloud was practically interrogating his mom, standing beside the open driver window. His brow was furrowed and he had a very, very serious and earnest look. This earned him a pinch on the cheek. "I told you not to be so grown up all the time," Ms. Strife chided, but couldn't keep from smiling. Ever since he was a little boy, Cloud had tried to take care of her. He still hadn't shaken the habit. "I haven't driven in a while, but it'll be okay."

"All right, but call me if anything happens."

"Yes, boss."

"Promise?"

"Cloud, I'm rolling up the window."

"Mom…" The engine growled. Or, as Cloud liked to put it, had a coughing fit. His mom rolled the window up with full speed, but it seemed to be stuck. "Okay, mom, I believe you. You'll be fine; this heap doesn't do over thirty miles, after all." He grinned when his mom shooed him away from the car, and started to turn the vehicle. The brakes made a horrible sound, but finally the car was out of sight.

Now, Cloud headed for his own car that was a little further down. He looked around in the Shinra Mansion front yard and chuckled lightly. Someone had a busy day ahead of them, evening out the dirt which was full of skid marks. Earlier, he had pressed the doorbell to the house, but only the cleaning lady came to open up. She told him that none of the Shinra's were home.

His car came into sight, and he went through his pockets to find the keys. He got interrupted just as he was about to open the door.

"Cloud?" A hesitant voice. Cloud's eyes narrowed before he turned around, every muscle in his body tensing. The timing was just… marvelous. He regarded Tifa coolly and acknowledged her with a wave of his hand. Then he turned his back to her.

Tifa shifted her weight from one foot to the other. She was so nervous Cloud could smell it. It appeared he wielded surprising power over her. She tried to act cool and gathered, but inside she was a mess, and it leaked trough. Cloud would know.

"Who did you come here with? I thought I heard a car starting."

Cloud nearly jumped. "Vincent," he said quickly, clasping the door handle. He peeked around his shoulder. Tifa looked thoughtful. "Yeah? I remember his car was different, but I guess he has many." She shrugged, glanced at Cloud, blinked, and turned her eyes away. She was uncomfortable.

"What about you?" asked Cloud after a while, "who dropped you here?"

"Me?" She laughed. "I ran here."

Cloud was so surprised with her answer that he went over her from with his eyes again. She was indeed wearing sweats and her cheeks were a bright red color. "You're not supposed to do exercise hangover, you know," he remarked before he could stop himself. Tifa laughed a nervous, probably unintentional laugh that escaped from her chest, clear and melodic and unreserved. She killed the sound as soon as it left her, and tried to hide her embarrassment. She probably wanted to appear as detached as he did. But, Cloud thought to himself, she would never be able to do it.

"I know, but it hasn't killed me yet."

Cloud knew he should have gotten into his car already. He had no reason to stay and chat.

"Did you really run the whole trip? Answer honestly. I won't tell anyone if you cheated." The choice of words was pure self-torture. He almost allowed himself a bitter smile. But it felt horrible to see, that on Tifa's face, were the beginnings of a real, sincere smile. The corners of her mouth twitched when she tried to control them.

"I did, honest! I always run when I have nothing better do, so I've become pretty good at it." She even took one step further from her car and closer to him. Cloud was rooted to the ground when he should have been backing away and doubling the distance between them. "Run because you have nothing better to do? You're so perfect it's disgusting." The muscles in his lower face contracted, and he found he was grinning faintly.

Tifa's eyes sparkled and she pushed her hair behind her ear. Her earrings gleamed in the light. "Don't say that. I'm just like everyone – except that I like running. It's pretty fun, once you get into it. Clears the head."

Suddenly, Cloud was very interested. "Really?" If it would make him come back to his senses, he would do it. But he probably shouldn't be getting his advice from Tifa. She tilted her head.

"Really. The first few miles are horrible, but it gets better. But, I can't believe you never just go for a run."

"Well, I've always been into things that go a little bit faster than my own legs." It was the first time they touched the subject of their shared past. Tifa lit up like a light bulb and laughed again, this time completely free. She was letting her guard down. She was making a mistake. "I remember that," she said. "You had a fortune's worth of motorbike models and got really mad at me when I accidently broke one of them."

"Accidently?" He defended. "Explain to me how crashing that model with a rock is accidental."

Tifa batted her eyelashes innocently. "I was only testing its durability. You know, making sure you got your money's worth." But, she couldn't hold her act for long and broke out in a grin. "I hope you're not holding a grudge. After all, your mom did fix it."

Cloud's ghost of a smile fell. She had said the one wrong thing, no, actually it was the right thing. It brought him back to earth and made him remember who he was, and who was he with. His face became expressionless, the playful words he had intended to say disappeared from his lips, and he made only the smallest of nods. "Yeah." He said nothing after that, brought up no further funny details from the past. He just stared at Tifa with empty eyes.

She stopped smiling as well, sensing the clear change in Cloud's attitude. She couldn't hide her confusion; it showed in the light widening of her eyes and in the subtle frown on her lips. She had dropped her reservations, she had shown him glimpses of her true self, she had become vulnerable but Cloud felt no sympathy or pity and offered no explanation. He was being cruel.

"I should go." His words were cold and he broke the connection between them by looking away as he opened the door to his car. Before getting in, his ears caught the sound of Tifa's voice, bitter and resentful.

"Yeah, yeah you should."

Cloud started the engine and saw Tifa's form close her own door with an angry slam. He let her speed away before steering himself out of the Shinra's driveway. She probably wasn't going to speak with him again.

* * *

AN: Oh, Cloud is such a mess - just the way I like it.

Like always, I would be pleased to hear your thoughts and comments :) Until next time, everybody!

_Lyrics from the song "Open Car" by Porcupine Tree._


	6. Chapter 6

AN: Alrighty, it's time yet again for another update of Breakdown Point. As usual, my gratitude goes to all the readers out there! You are the best and I can't begin to tell how much I appreciate it.  
So, with this chapter we are nearing the first "turning point" of the story, as I call it in my head. Like I promised many reviewers, Cloud will get it together soon enough and hopefully will stop tormenting Tifa. Or, Tifa will finally kick his good-for-nothing ass! But all that's coming up right after this chapter.  
Oh, and I won't probably be able to update the next one in my usual pace as exams are starting next week. Wish me luck and enjoy!

_Disclaimer: I own nothing._

**Chapter six**

"_Twisting and turning,  
Your feelings are burning  
You're breaking the girl"_

Tifa was, once again, walking back to school. Today her steps were faster than usual, and also the expression on her face was different. Closed off, somehow. She didn't even acknowledge her surroundings and the exceptionally beautiful light that cascaded it's veil over the town. She found she couldn't really appreciate these things anymore. There was more on her mind, this morning.

She was about halfway there when her phone started rumbling. She reached into her pocket, glanced at the screen which flashed 'Yuffie' and put the phone to her ear. "Morning." Her voice was tense.

"Good morning!" Yuffie, on the other hand sounded so chipper that it made Tifa's head hurt. "You remember what day it is?" Then, there was the sound of Yuffie greeting the old hag, Mrs. Jones, who lived downstairs in the same apartment complex. She usually pretended not to know the nosy, annoying lady, but today seemed to be an exception in that as well.

"It's Monday," said Tifa darkly. Her mood became worse with every step she took closer to the school. She knew what was coming next and moved the phone a little further from her ear. And, surely enough, shouting ensued, "Yes! But it's NOT just any Monday, as we both know! Further generations shall name today as the day one Yuffie Kisaragi started her quest to conquer the heart of one Vincent Valentine! What do you make of that?!"

Tifa attempted some kind of lame reply, but her friend wasn't even listening. "Agh! I'm so pumped!"

Tifa swallowed an irritated sigh. "That's great. Look, I'll see you after homeroom, okay? 'Bye." She ended the call immediately, not even waiting for Yuffie's response. That probably counted as hanging up, but for once, Tifa didn't care. She had been a fool agreeing to Yuffie's request. Yuffie maybe could profit from befriending Cloud, but in Tifa's case the only result was a big humiliation. The thought made blood rush in her veins, and her face turned hot.

Tifa couldn't remember the last time she had been as mad as she was on Saturday, driving back home from the Shinra's. Her trembling hands squeezed the wheel almost painfully and she was blinking away angry tears the whole trip. She hated Cloud. She _hated_ him. But parts of the resentment were also directed at herself, for being such a damn fool. It was the same thing all over again; she practically let him screw her up – if not that, then she made it ridiculously easy. She had vowed to stay aloof, to stay cold, but when the time came she did her best to get his attention and make him like her again. When he burned past bridges, she rushed to repair the damages. Again and again. Why couldn't she just let go? She seemed to lose her head every time Cloud was near, and it vexed her.

The events replayed themselves in her head. Just like last Monday, he had appeared; she had let her hopes up and got hurt in the process. This was not normal for her. She could easily distance herself from any guy, in fact, she was the one messing up people's heads. She was pretty, smart, popular and actually nice. She had it all going for her…but apparently none of that had an effect on Cloud. Nothing she did affected him, but he, he probably wasn't even aware how strong of an impact his actions had on her. No matter what she did, no matter how she tried to shield herself, he always got under her skin.

She sighed moodily when she got to her locker, shrugged out of her coat, put it in and banged the door close. Other students threw wary glances at her. Tifa was supposed to be immune for the blues Monday inflicted and so they found her current behavior odd. This resulted in further annoyance on her part, and she stormed forward, books pressed hard against her chest. She actually bumped into a freshman and didn't stop to gather the bewildered girl's stuff, like she would do in any other case, on any other day.

Due to her brisk pace this morning, she was a good fifteen minutes early and the classroom was completely empty. Officially, students weren't allowed in before class begun, but Shera usually came to open the door for them so they wouldn't have to loiter around in the hallways. Gritting her teeth, she sat down in the last row so that she would be situated right next to Cloud. That was, if he wouldn't change seats the moment he saw her.

Her phone beeped. She guessed it was Yuffie, and after contemplating for a while she decided to check out the text anyway, even if the contents were obvious. _'Don't forget to talk to him!!!'_

She didn't bother replying.

Outside, students talked, laughed and made the usual noise. One year from now and she wouldn't be listening to their sounds anymore. She probably wouldn't even be in Nibelheim, if everything went how her dad wanted it to. After sobering up, her father had started a business and poured all his time and resources into expanding it. Sure enough, things got rolling and he had to travel more and more often to the Eastern Continent. Now, they could afford two houses; one here, and one in Junon where Mr. Lockhart resided for a good three weeks each month. He wanted Tifa to move there with him after high school, because Junon had the best colleges and he had the money. In his head, Tifa's future was nothing but bright and shiny and paved with golden tiles.

She was drawn back from her thoughts by steps and other noises signaling that someone was coming. She sat up, whole body rigid and stared at the door intensely. Her expectations came true as Reno sauntered in tailed by Rude, then Elena and a familiar male blonde. Tifa tried to relax her shoulders, but found her muscles to be locked with tension. All four eyed her in a surprised tone when they noted where she was sitting. None dared to mention this, and they approached, feigning indifference.

Tifa swallowed and forced on a smile. "Good morning." She clasped her hands together to keep them from shaking too much. She had to concentrate on pushing her feelings in the background.

"Hey Lockhart," Reno greeted before plopping down in his usual seat in the far left corner. "I didn't see you at Shinra's on Friday… or maybe I just don't remember. I was pretty hammered." He sounded very pleased with himself.

"Yes," Tifa replied pleasantly, "I did hear that Yuffie drank you under the table." She kept her poker face and watched the redhead try to think of a good comeback. Then Elena moved to sit down next to her, and Tifa hurried to place her hands on the desk. She listened to her own voice like it was playing on record somewhere else. "I'm sorry, Elena, but I was reserving this for Cloud." She didn't even look at the girl; her eyes were directed to Cloud the whole time she spoke. Not ducking, not cowering, but facing him and his ice blue stare head on.

"Right, Cloud?" Her voice was clear. It did not waver, not even for once. Suddenly, she saw something. Blink once and she would've missed it, but now she was certain. Uncertainty hovered behind his mask. Cloud was unsettled and taken aback by her course of action.

'_Yes!' _She triumphed inwardly. She had presumed his beliefs correctly – he had thought his cold and rude demeanor the other day would have driven Tifa away. And, if it wasn't for Yuffie, it would have worked fabulously. But now she was making a fool of herself and faking that she didn't get the message.

"…Right." Cloud was back in control and stepped closer, set his pack back on the desk and pulled out the chair. Tifa leaned back but didn't take her eyes off him.

Around them, Reno and Elena were exchanging glances that spoke many words. Rude's participating in this mute conversation was questionable, as nobody knew where he was looking behind his shades. He sat down next to Reno, leaving one seat open between him and Tifa, and eventually Elena did the same, only choosing a place close to the wall, next row. They started blabbing in hushed tones, obviously talking about the twosome sitting further.

Their surprise was understandable. After all, last week Tifa didn't even acknowledge that a Cloud Strife walked the earth, and now they were sitting together, although both were stiff like statues.

Tifa started to take out her notes and pencil case in an attempt of appearing calm and collected. She finally moved her eyes forward, and could swear she had just heard a relieved breath leave Cloud's lips. "Cloud," she said in the best nonchalant sounding way she could muster, "I wanted to talk to you about what I said on Friday, if that's all right with you."

Alarms went off in her head. She was being too formal, and he would become suspicious, if he wasn't already. She hurried to continue, "I mean what we talked about hanging out. I, uh, wanted to say I wasn't joking, back then." Already this miserable charade of hers was falling apart, and surely Cloud would see that she was so nervous she nearly sweated. Tifa sneaked a hidden glance at his profile.

His mouth was in a thin, serious line, but otherwise his face was completely blank. Tifa wished she could read his thoughts, and it irritated her that he could be this impassive. It was like talking to a stone. The Cloud she remembered hadn't been much of a talker, but at least she could have guessed what he felt. Now, there was no trace of emotion, not a single hint.

She was growing more desperate with every passing second he stayed silent. Until, after what felt like an eternity, he spoke up, "What is this about, Tifa?" His eyes, they where squinted, they looked threatening, but Tifa couldn't be scared. She couldn't remember what the feeling of fear was like.

The make believe smile she had been sporting fell, leaving her face unmasked. It was the first time in seven years he had said her name aloud, to her ears, for her to hear. She felt it in every corner of her being; a sensation of recovering something that had been lost for a long time, and at the same time, disappointment and longing. How she wished he would lose the formality, how she wished he would call her with that old nickname, the one that only he had used.

"Say it," she whispered. Cloud turned around and her eyes widened. She hadn't meant to say it. "What?"

Tifa prayed he hadn't heard her properly. "Nothing, nothing! I was just… uh, never mind. " She shrank in her chair, hoping the floor would break from under her and suck her into oblivion. It was happening again. Cloud was getting to her, albeit in a different way than before.

Just then, students started coming in and filling the classroom up with their lively chatter. Tifa faked to be writing something in her calendar, so that she had an opportunity to ignore Cloud for a while. He hadn't said anything after her mess-up and just regarded her with his pretty, but emotionless eyes. _'This is hopeless,' _Tifa thought, _'I can't penetrate his wall without blowing my own cover first.'_ She took a deep breath and tried to come up with something else to say, something to distract him, but was interrupted when Shera walked in and homeroom began.

* * *

Cloud sat in his uncomfortable chair, unable to relax. He was feeling confused as hell. What was Tifa doing? She reacted completely contrary to what he had expected. He'd never have thought she would agree to sit, or be for that matter, less than fifteen feet from him. And now she was there, speaking utter nonsense and being all happy like Saturday had never happened.

There was no way for her to like him, not anymore. Not even the fleeting memories she had clung to would blind her eyes anymore. She had to know he had changed, and wasn't the same Cloud she once considered a friend.

He watched her during homeroom, and noticed something was wrong. Tifa looked strained and weary, like she was trying to hold onto something that was undeniably slipping away. It wasn't like her; something was amiss.

'_No,'_ he realized, _'I can't be relying on my expectations.' _Seven years had gone past without a word from each other, so who was he to say he knew what Tifa would do next? She could have changed too, actually, it was more than likely she had. Seven years was a long time and Tifa had barely started recovering from the death of her mother, when Cloud left for Midgar. Still, from what he had seen so far, she was still kind, gentle and caring; the way she smiled when he first came to class, the way she tried to console him in the car on Friday, and even offering to forget the horrible thing he had done. Tifa could have a soft spot for him, but he didn't think it explained everything.

When he was little, he used to think Tifa was an angel, until he saw her fall down and cut her knee. Blood had come out, and it was dark red and thick, just like his. Back then, he found it difficult to believe. She was too pretty and nice to be one of the mortal kids, who picked on him.

Well, she was still pretty, actually, more than that. She was beautiful, attractive… addictive. Someone to be wanted and craved like no angel would be. He had learned this on Friday when he first tasted her. Kissing her, he had felt her lips grow hot from the blood surging in and he had felt the moisture of her saliva, sweet but tainted with alcohol. Angels couldn't have saliva, angels couldn't have bodily reactions.

And, angels could never have eyes like hers; ones that would turn black from lust if he touched her just right.

He was having dangerous thoughts, likely of the same kind he had on Friday when he thought about Tifa's hair mixing up with his. Cloud shook his head, trying to revert back into reality and into the classroom where bleary eyed students tried to keep up with Shera. He had to decide how to proceed. He could keep giving Tifa the same treatment as before, or he could play along for a moment and see what she was up to. If she was up to something, that is. Cloud tried to ignore his conscience informing him that he was falling again and again into traps of his own making.

* * *

The bell rang, signaling recess. Shera looked up from her papers, astonished. "It's break time already?" She wondered, and her glasses nearly slid from her nose. She usually got a little carried away when explaining and was always surprised when the clock decided to interrupt her teaching.

The students scrambled to their feet and started to exit with far more enthusiasm that they had come in with.

Tifa, just like their homeroom teacher, was startled how fast the period flew by. Her mind blanked, she could find no good excuse to keep talking with Cloud and stop him from walking out. If he did, she doubted she had the strength to chase after him. Slower than she usually would, Tifa started packing her stuff up, where as Cloud just rose and threw everything in his pack back. He gave her an almost waiting look, which she thankfully didn't notice. It probably would have scared her speechless, as it told Cloud was on to something.

"So," Tifa said after clearing her throat. Her bravery was nearly gone. "What do you think?"

Cloud was silent for a while, but didn't just bail, which Tifa thought was a good sign. "About what you…?"

"About what I said earlier, yeah." Damn. She still couldn't look at him, so she accidentally-on-purpose dropped her pencil and bend over to fetch it. Tifa blabbed on, "I thought that, maybe, you'd come run with me some time? Not like a marathon or anything, but something fit for a greenhorn…" She was being abnormally chatty, he had to notice. He had to know she was freaking out this very second.

When he said nothing, she just pushed forward, like nothing was wrong. "Hey, I believe we have Biology up next. Wanna go together? But I have to meet up with my friend first," she rambled obliviously. She was probably compensating for his silence with more words of her own. To her own ears, that carefree voice she used sounded hollow, plastic and embarrassing.

Tifa zipped her bag close with way more force than required. She stood up so briskly that her chair nearly fell down.

'_Oh God. I can't do this, I can't, there's no way—'_

"Okay," Cloud said, his voice distant. "Reeve's coming too, so I guess it's all right."

Tifa turned her shocked face to him, the word 'Really?' almost escaping her. She managed a smile. "Yay."

'_Yay? YAY? I'm so losing it…'_

* * *

Yuffie leaned against her locker, books pressed to her chest and her face in an impatient scrunch. She tapped the floor loudly with her shoe, until a familiar figure came into vision. Yuffie now leaned on her toes, trying to see over the other students' heads if there was someone with Tifa.

Sometimes being so short was a damn nuisance. Yuffie did a little hop, and for a fracture of a second she saw blonde spikes next to Tifa's dark brown head. She grinned widely as they came closer. Tifa smiled and waved, but Cloud remained expressionless. Wow, he was like a block of ice sometimes.

Tifa turned to the blonde and gestured in Yuffie's direction, "Cloud, this is Yuffie." She settled for watching when her friend moved to make an impression.

The wutaian stuck her face close to his and stated, "Hey, your hair looks even funnier up close! I think I shall name you Spikey!"

This time, Cloud reacted. His face turned into a deep frown. "What did you say?"

"Yuffie!" Tifa exclaimed, looking outright horrified.

"Ho? Spikey? That _is_ quite fitting." Reeve made his arrival from behind them, clearly enjoying how Cloud's expression turned even darker.

Tifa grabbed Yuffie's arm rather forcefully, bringing the girl's loud snickers into an abrupt end. The brunette smiled sweetly. "If you'll excuse us, I have to talk to my friend…" She pulled the struggling Yuffie away with her. Cloud and Reeve were left standing behind, wearing utterly opposite expressions.

"Yuffie, are you trying to kill me?! I thought you wanted him to like you!"

The smaller girl winced. "Him? Nobody said anything about wanting him to do something! It's Valentine I want to like me!" Her brown eyes stared at Tifa dryly, clearly in a '_Tifa-do-try-to-concentrate'_ kind of way.

"I know that!" the brunette snapped and stabbed a finger at Yuffie's chest. "But how do you intend getting him introduce you and Vincent, if he hates you on the first sight?!" People around them took a few steps further, sensing the heated tones used in their conversation.

It was Yuffie's time to frown. "What? That was just me and my charming personality!"

"Well, un-charm yourself or you'll ruin everything," ordered Tifa, crossing her arms to her chest and glaring down to Yuffie.

"Stop being so bossy!"

"You're the one making me do this!"

Yuffie grumbled, "…fine. But I don't wanna suck up to him!"

"Whatever, let's just go," Tifa said, exasperated, and walked back to the boys. Reeve was openly amused, where as Cloud looked mainly just bored.

"Satisfying chat?" Reeve smiled and Tifa let out a small laugh. She had to act as natural as possible. "You could say that," she answered. "I'm Tifa."

"Yeah, I knew that. I'm Reeve."

"I knew that, too." Tifa retorted, smiling, and felt Yuffie stalk in from behind her. Reeve peered in the wutaian girl's direction. "And you're Yuffie, right? In a town this small everybody knows the exchange students…"

"Yup!" replied Yuffie, obviously pleased that she had a reputation. "The one and only Yuffie Kisaragi."

Cloud snorted. Yuffie glared. Tifa let out a sound somewhere between a whimper and a bark.

* * *

Biology was an uncomfortable experience. Tifa sat on one side of Cloud and Reeve on the other. Conversation, luckily, wasn't possible as the whole classroom was grave silent. Everybody just stared blankly at their textbooks, hoping to be spared Hojo's attention, be it negative or positive.

Hojo was the school's creepy teacher responsible for the students' education in Biology and Chemistry. He was rarely seen talking to other teachers – or anyone for that matter. Students feared him, and not for the same reasons they feared Cid or Barret, but because there was something undeniably fishy about him. The rumor was anybody who got sentenced to detention by him, would also be subjected to one of his wacky experiments and could never go back to normal. But, that was just a rumor.

Those who believed it said no-one lived to tell the tale.

After class, the threesome parted ways in the hallway. Tifa suppressed a loud sigh of relief when she saw Cloud and Reeve's backs recede further. She was exhausted. Keeping up appearances was a ton load of more work than she had expected, and the day wasn't even halfway through! This little plot of Yuffie's was going to make her crazy.

Tifa was thankful that she didn't share Math with Cloud.

Lunchtime rolled around and Tifa hurried to join up with Yuffie on their way to the cafeteria. Filling up her tray, Tifa was already heading towards their usual table, when Yuffie jabbed her in the ribs with her elbow. She nodded purposefully in the direction of Cloud and Reeve, sitting apart from the rest of the Turks. Yuffie arched her eyebrows when Tifa didn't move.

She didn't want to go. She didn't want to deal with his icy stares and smile that smile so false, it made her face hurt. Tifa looked at Yuffie for mercy, but found none. The smaller girl stomped forward, an ambitious grin spreading on her features. Tifa hung her head and followed behind.

At their arrival, Reeve looked up and seemed delighted but Cloud was, once again, blank and lifeless. Yuffie, who didn't even bother asking whether or not they could sit here, dropped her tray down and pulled out a chair. Tifa still followed her example and seated herself directly opposite Cloud. She noted he was only pushing the food around on his plate.

She timidly pushed her apple towards him. She had fought quite a battle for that particular piece of fruit, as most of the apples available were battered or suspiciously squishy to the touch.

Reeve and Yuffie were babbling away in the background, their topics of conversation overlapping each other constantly, so Tifa felt a little safer. She glanced at Cloud. "You should eat something," she suggested, tone soft, bordering on gentle. On the inside, though, Tifa couldn't believe herself. She was supposed to be angry at him, offended, but somehow he worried her too much. His cheeks held no color, his eyes were dull. In her memory, those eyes always sparked and glowed ephemerally – the most beautiful eyes she had ever seen.

Cloud cast his eyes down. He looked… regretful. His voice was very quiet. "What are you doing, Tifa?"

"I'm not doing anything," she quickly defended and flashed a smile, hoping it would rescue her from that investigative gaze of his. But no, his orbs continued to burn her and she found herself incapable of doing nothing but staring back, fascinated. She took back her words, his eyes were still strikingly pretty…

"Stop-" he started, but then they were interrupted,

"Hey!" Yuffie yelled, striking down her can of soda. "Tuesti here doesn't believe I outdrank Reno! Tifa, tell him the truth!"

Reeve put his hands up in a peaceful gesture. "Here, now, I was merely suggesting it to be unlikely for someone your size to have better tolerance -"

"You callin' me a midget?! You racist!"

Reno arrived right in the middle of their squabble, "What, somebody talking shit about me behind my back?! Don't try to deny it, I heard my name just now!"

Tifa grabbed Yuffie's waist to prevent her from reaching across the table and strangling Reeve by the collar. Simultaneously, her ears picked up the sound of Cloud's chair, scraping the floor. "Where are you going?" She heard herself asking, before letting out a small cry as Yuffie yanked forward, screaming her to let go so she could kick the racist's ass.

"Forget it," said Cloud and left the scene.

In the end it took one teacher and a cook from the cafeteria to calm Yuffie down. The damages were one broken plate, and fistfuls of Reno's and Reeve's hair.

* * *

Tifa stood alone in the school courtyard, trying hard to look like she wasn't expecting anyone. But truthfully, she couldn't keep her head from turning around or her eyes from scanning the area; left to right, right to left. After a while of contemplating, she made up her mind and started to take uncertain steps towards the parking lot, situated in front of the football field.

School had just ended, and Tifa had already informed Yuffie she had something urgent and couldn't wait this time. She was acting stupid, she knew, but worry ate away her heart.

She had a theory which she hoped to prove right. According to her calculations, Cloud wasn't the way he was because he wanted it. Something was wrong with him. Something pressed on his mind, and Tifa was determined to find out just what.

When she came to the parking lot, she didn't know if answers were what she'd be getting today. But she'd have to try, try just this once and then she could give up… She spotted Cloud's blonde head nearing his car and quickened her pace in hopes of catching up. When he opened the door, she became desperate and called out, "Cloud!"

Stumbling into a halt, she saw him cringe visibly. She wouldn't allow herself to feel hurt about that.

"Cloud, wait."

He turned around to face her, but kept the door open, like he was about to escape given the tiniest chance. He didn't even bother covering up his displeasure. "What?" came the short, and undeniably rude inquiry.

Now was time for the emergency lie she came up with on the way. "I, uh… Is there any way you could give me a ride home?" There went her convenient excuse, flying right through the window… She couldn't bear the sight of him and turned her gaze to the pavement, feeling embarrassed. No matter. It had to be done.

Cloud was suspicious and thought about her request for a while. "Are you sure?" He asked for some reason Tifa didn't know. She stepped closer. "What do you mean?"

"…Nothing," he said, and there was definite evasiveness in his voice. Then, as if to distract her, he muttered, "Climb in."

Tifa took a nervous breath and hurried after him, opening the passenger side door and sliding down next to him. His car was pretty nice with dark interiors and metallic details. The scent lingering inside was probably him. Tifa watched Cloud start the car in silence and pull away from the school.

The rumble of the engine soothed her down a bit. "Mind if I change the station?" she asked, referring to the radio. He nodded his approval, eyes on the road.

"You remember where I live?"

Another nod. He really didn't waste his words. Tifa kept checking her phone when the silence stretched on.

The sceneries changed as the town went by, but Tifa couldn't figure out the right way to approach him. He was so deep in his shell, that she started to doubt herself with every passing second, to the point where she actually regretted getting in his car. She reached again for the radio controls, but stopped her hand just in time. She had to relax and think this trough before they came up to her house…

Then, Cloud did something unexpected. He initiated a conversation.

"Tifa, why are you here? I know you always walk home."

"I..." She searched for the right words, and decided on honesty. "I wanted to ask you something."

"You could have asked me in school."

"No, I couldn't," she immediately retorted. Cloud's eyebrows rose. "Why?"

"You always run away. Not literally, but you just… close off."

He blinked. "Okay. Ask me now."

Tifa just stared at him for a moment, wondering if he would really answer. "..Okay," she said, still a little doubtful. "What were you about to say today? In the cafeteria." She kept watching him, expectantly. He licked his lips, stopping at a red light.

"It was nothing."

Tifa looked down. Just like that, he brushed her off. They started moving and Tifa's whisper was almost inaudible under the engine's low growl, "…you did it again. You run away. I don't understand you."

Cloud didn't answer and Tifa stopped pestering him, feeling like she was fighting a losing battle. He was not going to warm up to her.

Finally her house came into sight. Tifa submitted to her defeat, grabbing her bag. They slowed down, her fingers touched the door handle, she moved to open it, but her lips spoke on their own. "Do you hate me?"

"No."

"Then why do you deny our past?"

"… I don't know."

Those first words were so hard, but suddenly she couldn't stop. "Well, I _do_ know something," she almost spat out. "I can't do this anymore. I can't pretend you're nothing to me when you're not. You mean too much. I wish you didn't, but you do. And it hurts me when you look at me so cold, like I'm a stranger, like I never was part of your life. You remind me of what was good in my childhood, and the way you are now makes every memory I have feel like a lie."

She sounded sad, but sincere. She was offering all she had, all she felt, putting her very soul on the line. Cloud's eyes widened just a fracture as he listened.

"I missed you. I still miss you, " said Tifa and climbed out before the tears came.

* * *

AN: ... Did you know that the average teenager thinks about sex every 15 seconds? Well, you do now. And hopefully everyone will see that I didn't mean to portray Cloud as some perv, but as a completely normal young man with healthy needs... Kya ha ha ha! Just kidding. And please excuse my sad attempt for Scarlet laughter.. In my defense, I got up around six AM today...

I wish everyone a fun weekend and see you next time! Review, if you please!

_Lyrics from the song "Breaking The Girl" by Red Hot Chili Peppers._


	7. Chapter 7

AN: UGH. It is snowing here... That sucks. But, hello again everybody, I am back after a few weeks of silence. It is likely that I won't be able to update every week like I did before, partly because of school and life just in general, but also because of what I call as the 'honeymoon phase' with this story is now over, and the text doesn't just escape from under my fingers like it used to. Of course I have no intention of deserting Breakdown Point - all the good stuff is still on the way - but this is how it'll be.

Again, my gratitude goes to all the readers and reviewers. You are what makes this story worth writing.

_Disclaimer: I own nothing._

**Chapter seven**

_"__Day breaking on the boulevard  
Feel the sun warming up your second hand heart  
Light swimming right across your face  
And you think maybe someday, yeah  
Maybe someday"_

It was Wednesday morning, and Tifa shivered under the covers. She didn't want to stick even a toe out in the cold room, much less her whole body. Nonetheless, school called. She braced herself and threw the covers off, jumping onto the cold floor. She quickly pulled over a robe and slipped into her own bathroom to take a shower.

Hot steam enveloped her and put a stop to the shivers. She didn't have an early morning today, it was already bright outside, and so she could spend a little longer under the running water. The pipes creaked when her father turned on the water downstairs.

He had arrived late last night, but was up already. He never slept well after a trip. Tifa had tidied up the house, changed fresh sheets into his bed, and picked him up from the train station. It felt like welcoming a guest, but at least this guest made breakfast.

Getting out, she dressed in a pair of sweats and a t-shirt and headed downstairs. Just as suspected, Mr. Lockhart was standing in the kitchen, waiting for his toast to pop up. He turned around. "Morning."

"Good morning," said Tifa and went to give him a light peck on the cheek, just like the good daughter she was. Their relationship had been like this for a long time; picture perfect on the outside, but more or less hollow in the inside. They never really talked, even if her father called at least three times a week to make sure everything was alright. Arguments were rare and Tifa's father bragged this was because Tifa was such a great daughter, but truthfully they tried to keep out of each other's business. Tifa did care for him but often felt that she didn't quite know the man she called her father. If something happened, good or bad, her father wasn't the one she wanted to tell about it.

She poured herself a cup of coffee. "What's up today?"

"The usual, as always. I'll be making a few calls and then I have to go through my emails, or more likely a mountain of spam." He finally got his toast, grabbed some marmalade and sat down. "Are the papers in the usual place?"

"Of course." Tifa always saved him the local Nibelheim newspapers from the previous week, so that he could always catch up on what was going on. Not that a lot happened, anyway, but the papers were still stacked in a neat pile in her father's den. She also sat down and reached for the cereal box.

"How's school going?" He asked, just like always. It was their most common topic of conversation. He always wanted to make sure she was being responsible about her studies.

"Same old, same old," she replied, but added as an afterthought, "A new kid came in last Monday." This was in case her father got in contact with Shera. He raised an eyebrow. "That's nice. Does he, or she, fit in well?"

Tifa shrugged. "It's a he, but, yeah I guess. I didn't get to know him that well."

"Hm, that's probably good. You should keep focused. And, that Yuffie girl makes up for at least a dozen friends." He smiled lightly. It had taken him some time getting used to Yuffie's eccentrics, but he'd come to accept the girl. But, the poor – and few – boyfriend candidates in the past had been a different case altogether.

"You're right. But, I need to get myself ready or I'll be late." She finished her cereal and made to get up. "Do you want me to drive you?" asked Mr. Lockhart before wolfing down the rest of his toast. Tifa shook her head. "Thanks, but I'll take my own car today."

He nodded. "Oh. Marlene, right?"

"Right."

* * *

Cloud lay in his bed and stared at the ceiling. He'd been doing that for the past twenty minutes, just thinking, and listening to the sounds the old house made. His mother was napping, again, in her own bedroom. She wasn't feeling well today – wooziness, general fatigue and constant waves of nausea, but thankfully no pain. The hardest part of it all was watching her try to hide the pain. She almost succeeded, but Cloud knew what it meant when she cringed with every movement, and it tortured him, because there was absolutely nothing he could do.

He was useless. He'd been that from the start. He put his arm over his eyes and let out a breath.

He still hadn't called Zack or his girlfriend. Both had left him messages that he had fussed over, but deleted in the end. _'I'm being a coward,'_ he told himself countless times every day. But what was he going to tell them? That everything still sucked? He had no good news, he hadn't had those in about a year.

But no, brooding didn't help matters in the least bit. Cloud got up and allowed himself a smoke on the balcony. The number of emergency cigarettes in his stash had been decreasing steadily these last few days, he noted while lighting up. He decided to think about something else, to evade his problems, and found his thoughts slipping towards Monday afternoon and in particular, the drive to Tifa's house. His mind had a habit of doing that, now, and he always felt guilty afterwards but not enough to stop.

"I miss you, huh?" He muttered aloud, quoting the words that wouldn't leave him alone. That certainly wasn't an act on her part. In school, however, the ridiculous play continued. Tifa still forced herself in his company with her loud and obnoxious friend; she always sat next to him in class and talked a year's worth. But, she never talked about herself; always referred to others, what she'd heard, and what people beside her thought or did. Cloud rarely responded, because he thought her words were empty. He held no interest towards the people she spoke of.

'_Tifa, just what am I going to do with you?'_

Seven years back, he would have been at the top of the world if Tifa willingly spent that much time with him. Now it made things more difficult. He tried to distance himself from her, he tried to protect them both, but everyday she undermined his efforts. And he couldn't stay cold if she was so near all the time, slowly but steadily enchanting him. What if he would fall for her? When the snow fell and she became the Nibelheim Princess once more, what if he couldn't resist her magic anymore? Then what?

He had no answers.

'_Is she just a distraction?' _Watching his mother suffer was unbearable.

Only questions. No answers. And, no more cigarettes.

* * *

"Tifa, I'm done! I can watch cartoons now, right?"

The brown haired girl's head popped up, a happy grin lighting her features and the last remains of Tifa's concentration flew away. She nodded her head once, and the girl bolted towards the living room, leaving Tifa alone in the table. The brunette pushed her own mountain of homework away, and set out to check Marlene's.

Marlene was the P.E. teacher Barret's adoptive daughter who Tifa babysitted for every now and then. This arrangement was made a few years back, when Tifa stumbled upon a very frightened and lost Marlene on the street. Between tears, Marlene told her she was at a park with her daddy, playing with other kids until she noticed a cat and followed it, and before she knew it, she didn't know where she was.

Tifa stayed with the girl until her panicked father appeared and proved to be none other than Mr. Wallace. Needless to say, this was a big surprise for both parties, but after just a few days Barret asked Tifa if she'd be willing to watch over Marlene sometimes. It seemed the girl had taken an immediate liking to her. Tifa earned herself a little extra, but most of all, she came to adore the little girl as well. Now Marlene was like a little sister to her.

Finishing up, Tifa stood and followed Marlene into the Wallace living room, where she found the girl, happily sprawled on her stomach before the TV and singing along with the opening theme of her favorite show. Tifa plopped down in the couch. "What do you want to eat today, Marlene?"

The girl turned her head, "Pancakes!"

"Again?" Tifa attempted a frown, but melted before Marlene's hopeful eyes. She was probably spoiling the girl.

"The ones Tifa makes are so yummy! When my Daddy makes them, they turn out all black and weird tasting…" The brunette had to laugh at Marlene's dreadful expression and fake gagging. There certainly was a limit to Barret's cooking abilities, no matter how good of a father he otherwise was. Tifa had never deemed him the sort of man to take another man's daughter under his wing, but apparently, under his hard exterior Barret Wallace was a big ol' softie.

Tifa had heard the story behind Marlene's adoption. She was the daughter of a family Barret was close to in his home village of Corel, and her parents died in a fire when Marlene was still a toddler. Barret didn't hesitate with taking her in, and decided a change of scenery would do Marlene – and him – good. His own wife died in the fire, too. Barret and Marlene couldn't be any more different, but loved each other dearly and for Tifa, who had faced loss herself, getting along with and understanding them was easy.

"All right, all right, pancakes it is. But I think we need to visit the store, first. You know your daddy doesn't keep pancake stuff in the house… Men, huh?" Tifa winked at the girl and earned a giggle in return. They watched the cartoons end together before getting up and setting out. Tifa made sure Marlene was dressed warmly, as the weather had been biting cold since morning, then locked the house and climbed in her car with Marlene in tow.

* * *

There weren't a lot of vacant spots in the nearby grocery store's parking lot, so Tifa had to park pretty far from the entrance. They got out and Marlene skipped along the pavement while Tifa ran over the shopping list in her mind. She had to practically tear Marlene away from the old lady and her dog waiting before the doors.

Grabbing a basket, they started picking up things according to Tifa's instructions. Marlene was as eager to help as ever, so they finished up pretty quick and headed for the checkout counters but not before making a spare stop at the candy section, due to Marlene's insisting gaze. Marlene got her lollipop and Tifa got her dose of guilty conscience.

She paid and Marlene packed up at the same time, anxious to unwrap her piece of candy.

Tifa never expected to run into him.

Cloud stood in front of the doors with a fresh pack of smokes. He'd just been slipping one of the slim tubes between his lips when he heard a familiar voice accompanied by a lighter, younger one. He whirled around, knowing that he couldn't avoid her.

"Oh. Hey." The cigarettes were hidden in his pocket.

Tifa peeked over the paper bag she carried, her mouth hanging slightly open. "…Hey." She stopped dead in her tracks, and Marlene mimicked, making curious glances in Cloud's direction. She finally piped up, "Hello!"

Cloud's eyes slid to the little girl who smiled from ear to ear at him. He was a little thrown off by her friendliness, but managed a nod. "Hi." And the little girl's smile grew even wider.

"Do… do you live nearby?" Tifa asked, almost like hiding behind the bag. Cloud nodded dumbly, forgetting himself. "Yeah. But I know you don't." He was painfully aware of Marlene's eyes going back and forth between him and Tifa, and without a doubt, in her head a big misunderstanding was cooking up.

In Tifa's head, her own words from before repeated over and over again. On Monday, in the car, she had gone totally overboard. There was no need for confessions like that. But what bugged her more was his lack of reaction, even when she went all out and put her pride on the line.

Still, he did nothing. He didn't give even the smallest of responds, but just left her hanging. She was still feeling self conscious about that, and couldn't quite look him in the eye.

And, he looked disturbingly good in the afternoon light which made his hair shine gold and his white skin glow. Tifa blinked, her cheeks flushing hotly, and remembered to answer just in time. "I don't, but I was watching her. " Then, she turned to Marlene, grateful of the distraction.

"Marlene, why don't you introduce yourself to Cloud?"

The girl stepped forward, "Nice to meet you, I'm Marlene! Marlene Wallace!"

Cloud's forehead wrinkled in thought, "Wallace? As in…?"

"Yeah," nodded Tifa, "Barret Wallace's daughter. And I'm not just fishing for good grades. It's a long story."

"I never thought otherwise," said Cloud quietly and gave Tifa a start. First ignorance and now compliments? She almost let the groceries fall from her grasp as she tried to come up with a decent reply. She was unsuccessful, and the silence continued with Tifa just fidgeting and Cloud trying to look everywhere else than at her. Marlene was the only one seemingly comfortable with this situation.

After what felt like an eternity, Cloud cleared his throat and stuck out a finger towards the bag in Tifa's arms. "Let me handle those," he grunted.

Tifa jumped visibly, "Huh?!" Now _that_ was a surprise.

A dark look came across the blonde's face. "The bag."

"Oh, oh, sorry… okay…" Tifa mumbled, feeling her cheeks flame up and offered Cloud the groceries. He reached over, and their hands brushed briefly when he accepted the bag. Tifa tried to understand what was going on, but Cloud's behavior just seemed more and more surreal with every second.

"I'll show Mr. Cloud to the car!" stated Marlene happily and started skipping again. She was almost overly cheerful, thought Tifa as she followed the little girl with Cloud. "I really could have managed that, you know," she felt obliged to say, and stole a glance at him from the corner of her eyes. He was wearing what she guessed was a simple, black T-shirt with only a zipped hoodie of a very dark wine red color. It brought out the striking blue in his eyes. Casual, laidback, but so very becoming…

"You don't mind, do you?" asked Cloud, and Tifa thought for a moment there was uncertainty in his voice. She shook her head furiously, "Of course not! I just didn't expect you to pop up like that…" her voice died down with her nerves. She looked down and smiled tensely. No further words were said until they reached her car and Marlene, who was jumping up impatiently before it. "Tifa, let's go! Pancakes! I'm hungry!"

Tifa unlocked and held the back door for Cloud to set down the groceries. He did so and straightened up, looking like he didn't know how to proceed. Tifa offered a small smile. "…Thanks."

"Yeah."

Marlene tugged on Tifa's sleeve, "Hey, hey! Does Cloud want to eat pancakes with us? He can, right, Tifa?" She beamed up at the older girl, and then at Cloud.

Tifa staggered, feeling almost woozy about the thought of inviting him over, "I, uh, yeah, it's all right… I mean if he, uh, Cloud, wants to, that is… Pancakes…" She suddenly blushed and felt like an idiot for it.

Cloud stared, blinked, and looked away. All of a sudden, he became stiff. "No. I need to go," and with just that, he vanished. Stunned, Tifa watched his retreating back and couldn't help but feel like he'd just made an escape. There was another tug on her sleeve and she looked down to find Marlene's big, confused eyes.

"Why did Cloud become so angry? Did I do something bad?" Tifa bend down to the girl's level, sending a glare in the direction Cloud had left for. "No, sweetheart, it's nothing you did. You were being very nice and polite. Cloud is a dummy, that's all."

Marlene pondered this, and nodded, the corners of her mouth turning upwards, "Yeah, he is! He just turned down the best pancakes in the world!"

* * *

Ms. Strife twirled some spaghetti around her fork, lifted it and put back down before it was even halfway towards her mouth. She pushed her plate away, offering her son an apologetic smile. "I'm sorry, Cloud, it seems nothing goes down today."

Cloud had already finished his own meal of the leftover pasta he'd made yesterday, and rose to take both of their plates. "Its okay, Mom, as long as you keep yourself hydrated," he reminded while emptying the contents on his mother's plate in the garbage. His mother had eaten a complete two mouthfuls of food before giving up.

It was something. Sometimes only the smell of food could make her vomit.

He turned around, inspecting the woman sitting at the table. She was pale as a sheet, and the almost feverish glistening of her eyes had him worried. He went over to press a hand to her forehead, only to find it cool and dry. He let out a sigh of relief.

A fever would be bad. Her system probably couldn't take it. But, this didn't look good either; his mother didn't even have the strength to nag him about fussing over her. Cloud leaned against the tabletop, continuing to watch her. "Are you sure you're okay? Maybe I should take you to the doctor's, just in case."

"And what good would that do?" she responded, shaking her head lightly in refusal. Standing up, she had to wait a few seconds to even her breath out. "I think I need to lie down for just a bit. Thanks for the food." She flashed a tired smile before heading to the living room.

Cloud sighed yet again and turned to do the dishes. He couldn't shake the image of his mother's eyes; full of suffering, weary and sad. Days like these were the hardest to cope with. On days like these, he almost wished for closure, wished for someone to put them out of their misery. This wasn't living. His mother's heart might have beaten, her lungs might have breathed, but in truth she was nothing but a corpse. A ghost of what she'd been.

Finishing up, he went to the living room with a glass of water and his mother's sleeping pills.

"Here. Sleep would do you some good."

She looked up. "What? But I want to be awake at least when you're here…"

"Oh, come on, Mom," he urged her, "I'm going out anyways."

"Where?" she finally accepted the pills and gulped one down with a sip of water. Cloud shrugged.

"I don't know. Out." He knew damn well.

"Oh," came the reply. She was too tired to pry further. Cloud walked in his room to change, and when he came back down, she was deep in her drugged sleep. He hoped it allowed her some form of relief; one that he couldn't seem to find. All he could do was to search for something to help control the damages.

He stepped out and took a breath of cold, dry air. _'Now, let's see if you were right, Tifa.'_

* * *

It was already dark when he had managed to make up his mind. His t-shirt felt moist from sweat and his muscles burned, but finally he arrived at the large stone built house. The Lockhart's had it pretty fancy. He estimated that the garage was bigger than their living room back home. He took a moment to catch his breath before jogging up to the porch, and as not to lose his resolve, pressed the doorbell without a wait. Three times. Just to be sure.

He was certain of this. Well, yeah, almost certain. He'd never know what his thoughts would be tomorrow morning or the day after that – or maybe he'd think this way forever. But right now, no matter how hard he wanted otherwise, he was in this town and in that house, with his dying mother.

He had many things in his hands. He had the pained expressions of his mother, he had the promises he made to the girl in Midgar, he had the fear and anxiety he felt himself, and he had the echo of Tifa's words. _I miss you. _He didn't know the future, he didn't know how painful it would be, he didn't know how many would get hurt in the process, but he knew the present.

The present was, that in order to go through this ordeal, to say goodbye, he couldn't remain alone.

He would break before the time came. And, he would only break sooner if he had to resist Tifa.

Tifa had gravity; she pulled him to her with unknown powers. Tifa was strong, beautiful and wise. Tifa's presence soothed the anguish in him, Tifa's mere smile drowned out the reality. Tifa was the only cure and the only refuge here, when he was so far away from the familiar faces in Midgar. He had been fighting gravity, but it would stop now.

He waited. It took ages for the door to be answered. Tifa's face appeared, and immediately upon seeing who it was, a guarded expression came over her features.

She quickly blocked the doorway with her frame, hissing, "Cloud! What the hell are you doing here so late?!"

Cloud frowned and looked at his watch, remembering only now he'd been out for several hours. It was a little over ten PM. "I went for a run," he stated like it was the simplest thing in the world. Tifa was too surprised to make a nasty comment, even if she wasn't feeling very happy to see him. He had on sweats and his hair pointed everywhere from the wind, so she believed him, but it didn't change her attitude one bit.

There was a male voice from behind her, "Tifa! Who is it?" Cloud recognized it, and tensed.

Tifa's brow furrowed slightly and she moved to close the door. "Go home, Cloud. You shouldn't be here."

"No!" He said with more force than intended and hurried to cover his mistake, "I mean, please, I need to talk to you…" Cloud grasped the door handle, just to drive his point home. He looked at Tifa sternly and the brunette gave a little involuntary pout.

"Wait here," she told him and disappeared, pulling the door close with her. The porch light went off, leaving Cloud there in the dark. He felt very much like the idiot he undoubtedly was.

After a few minutes, Tifa emerged once more, pulling on a coat. Her hair was wet. "Okay. I've got about thirty minutes. Let's walk." They descended the steps, and turned right on the street. Tifa pulled the coat tighter around herself, and Cloud was beginning to feel cold as well due to the thin layer of sweat on his skin cooling down.

It was pitch black, and Cloud couldn't see Tifa's face, but he guessed she wasn't too pleased with his silence. But, as dumb as it sounded, he hadn't really thought about what to tell her. 'I had a change of heart', 'I want to start over' - it all sounded wrong in his head. But he had to come up with something to not piss her off.

"Was that your dad?" he finally piped up, keeping his eyes down, "Back there." Both quickened their pace as if to get further from the house at the mention of Tifa's dad. It could have been for warmth, too, but who knew?

"Yep," Tifa said simply, clearly leaving the responsibility of keeping up conversation up to Cloud. She probably knew he was stalling just as well as he did. "From your reaction, I take it he still hates me," remarked Cloud, hoping to achieve a tone that resembled casual.

"I don't know about that. He was pretty happy when you moved away."

"... Then I'm making his life miserable again."

"Well, not really. He doesn't live here anymore."

At that, Cloud's eyebrows rose a little. He was feeling the tiniest bit more relaxed now. "What do you mean?" He could do this. They could be comfortable together, just like they had once been. They couldn't go back to those childhood days, but, something from then could be resurrected to this day.

Tifa tied her wet hair up, obviously not liking the sensation of cold strands to her face. She explained, "He's away a lot. Work stuff. He's got his own place in Junon now, and this is just the week he spends with me." Her eyes still refused to meet Cloud's and there was clear apprehension in the air around her; the way she made sure not to step too close to him, even though they were walking next to each other on the relatively narrow pathway. She was reluctant to be here. And, for a very good reason too, thought Cloud with a sense of remorse. He was the one to blame, he knew.

"Why didn't you move with him?" For the time being, he had to keep talking, even if he wasn't the tiniest bit interested in Mr. Lockhart.

The girl beside him let out a thoughtful breath, and started to finger one dark strand of her hair, absently. "I didn't want to leave Nibelheim. We fought about that a lot, but he came around. With terms, of course." At least she didn't answer him with single syllables, like he had done. Maybe it was her way of letting him feel the burn for his previous lack of manners.

Cloud had to start thinking about where this was going. Tifa was probably doing the same. But right now, he didn't even have the faintest idea of where _they_ were going. "What's so great about Nibelheim?" He asked.

"What's so great about Midgar?" countered Tifa without missing a beat. Was there pride in her words, surfacing after the doubt projected at her hometown? Cloud let out a low chuckle, as if to prevent any further tension between them. He really hadn't meant to provoke an argument, but he suspected Tifa was looking for any excuse to stop being patient with him. She wouldn't start yelling until she had a good reason to.

"It's… different. Bigger. Livelier," he explained, but it was more like thinking aloud than actually contributing to the conversation. Something tugged at the back of his mind, making him add, "But Nibelheim is more beautiful. Especially in the winter." He felt compelled to steal a glance at Tifa, who never responded to his words. They fell silent after that, both sinking into his or her private thoughts. The sound of their steps resounded back from the pavement.

"Cloud, I don't think you asked me here to discuss the differences of Nibelheim and Midgar." Tifa spoke up, coming to a halt. Her patience was drawing close to its limits, and they had walked quite a distance from her house. Cloud stopped as well, hiding his anxiety. He wasn't ready. He motioned towards the playground ahead, "Yeah… let's sit down. Just for a moment, okay?" He was lying again. He needed more than a moment.

Tifa seemed to have a hard time making up her mind, glancing back and forth between the direction they had come from and Cloud's face. At last, she let out an irritated huff, "All right. But this is the last time." She didn't elaborate, but Cloud understood. She was at her wit's end. She'd made that pretty clear on Monday.

Inside, Tifa was trying her best not to get optimistic. She couldn't expect anything of Cloud, not even when he had taken the initiative and probably talked more than she'd heard during the whole time he had been back. No, in fact, Tifa was pretty certain this time wouldn't be different from the others. She had tried appealing to him, appealing to the past they'd spent together, to get him open up – and nothing. She had already given up on him. He had made something clear too - he wasn't worth the effort.

With tentative steps she followed him into the park and watched him lean against one of the swing set's poles. Tifa herself sat in the swing, burying her shoes in the fine gravel under her soles. She waited. She waited some more.

She narrowed her eyes and swept her gaze over Cloud, who was busily studying the deep blue, almost black night sky. What was he waiting for? This was getting ridiculous, but Tifa decided to grant him a few more minutes. Just a few moments, and then she would be gone with definite proof that she had been a fool for allowing herself hope.

Those minutes went by without a single word from Cloud, and Tifa got fed up.

"I'm going home," she stated with finality, getting up. Cloud jumped visibly, "No, Tifa, please – "

Without looking at him, she just resumed walking with her hands balled into tight fists. She heard his steps fall into gravel behind her, but there was no way she was stopping now…

Cloud grabbed her, his fingers closing around her wrist, "Wait!"

Recovering from the small stumble the abrupt stop had caused her, Tifa ripped herself free and whirled around fiercely. "What?" The surprise in Cloud's bright orbs only fueled her anger, "What is it?! What the hell is it you want from me?!"

Her loud, hard voice echoed in the dead silence of the night. Cloud had lifted his hand up to stop her again, but never dared to touch. His mouth was hanging slightly open, while Tifa's chest heaved with violent breaths. She tore herself away from his vicinity, not wanting to experience his body so close to her that she could feel his warmth and smell his skin. Her fingers intertwined with the metallic hoops of the fence surrounding the park, and she leaned against it heavily, trying her best not to kick the whole thing down.

The silence was so loud it screamed in her ears. Every second Cloud stayed quiet made her blood feel like poison. _'Why am I the only one feeling this?'_

Tifa let her head drop.

"This 'hot and cold' game is getting quite old, Cloud." Her voice was hollow, and she asked him again, "What do you want?"

Cloud's mouth opened and closed again. Helpless, he stared at Tifa's back and listened to her beaten sound. He was wrecking her. She, who was so strong and kind, was suffering because of him. It would have been better if Tifa hurt him, as well. Slapped him across the face or something. Compared to this, that would have been…

A dry sob escaped Tifa. The words burst from Cloud's lips.

"I want us to be friends." He saw Tifa's shoulders shudder, and her head tilt upwards. Her face was still hidden behind thick layers of hair. "No, that's not it," he breathed, followed with brief hesitation, "I… I _need_ us to be friends."

Something heavy shifted from his chest and his eyes were glued to Tifa's form.

It was her time to be silent and to feel what it was like when there were no right words. Maybe she didn't believe him. Cloud wondered a moment, and then approached her with silent steps. He could now hear her breathe. Feeling incredibly self conscious, he brushed an uncertain hand over her arm. He almost expected the slap, but quite surprisingly, Tifa just accepted his touch without protesting. The scent of her freshly washed hair filled his nose, and he whispered, "…Please."

Finally she turned to face him, two ruby eyes connecting with his own. Raw emotions flashed across her face; hurt, uncertainty, doubt – hope and delight. They were standing so close he could easily wrap his arms around her, but refused, and instead settled with looking into her eyes and letting her see he was being honest. She needed reassurance, she needed to be sure, and he understood that.

And Tifa, for the first time since his return, felt they were on the same wavelength. Her hand moved on its own and took hold of Cloud's sleeve. "Really?" Her voice was small, but Cloud's nod was enough to make her lips tug into a faint smile.

"Really. And…" he fixed his gaze somewhere else, "I'm sorry. For a lot of things."

Tifa noticed the look of guilt and something much, much heavier in his eyes and pulled on his sleeve lightly, as if to remind him her touch was still there, and she was still here – with him.

"It's okay."

Something like a smile appeared on his face.

"Really?"

"Really."

There, in the darkness, in the coldness, Tifa felt the hurt wash away and be replaced by something warm and soothing. Parts of the feeling she recognized from her past, and parts were new and surprising to her. And, standing there, with her, Cloud felt the cure of her smile seep into his soul and heal that which was broken.

* * *

AN: So? What did you think? Since English is not my first language writing emotional scenes is a challenge for me, and thus I'd really appreciate it if someone left me their opinion on how'd I do :)  
Anyways... I love awkward Cloud and Tifa. They're so uncool. And now we know that what's bugging Cloud is actually bugging his mom. It probably wasn't a big surprise though, I'm pretty sure I made it seem obvious in the previous chapters... But, I made Cloud and Tifa get along again and all is well in the world...

Until next time!

_Lyrics from the song "The Difference" by Matchbox Twenty._


	8. Chapter 8

AN: I learned something new. It appears that the word 'blonde', which I've been frequently associating with our dear Cloud, actually refers to a female person and that the masculine form is 'blond'. From now on, I'll be using the latter. Sorry for the mix-up.

My love to every reader and reviewer out there. Let's get this chapter going!

_Disclaimer: I own nothing._

**Chapter eight**

"_I heard you found a wishing well in the city  
Console me in my darkest hour (in my darkest hour)  
and you throw me down"_

After a week, the matter of Cloud and Tifa quickly surged to the top on Nibelheim High's list of gossip. Were they dating? Were they just friends? Nobody seemed to know the details, except that they were close. Guys and girls sighed all the same. If they were indeed together, they made the ideal couple that no one would dare to break up, even if he or she had feelings towards the blond or the brunette. Still, competitions were made as to who would first discover the true nature of their relationship but so far there was no success. Tifa and Cloud were constantly seen together in and out of school, and the whirl of rumors just escalated.

Seemingly oblivious to the rumors, the said twosome went about their days. It felt like all the worries of the world were gone – and for a while, they were.

* * *

Tifa was happy. Tifa was content. Somehow, she felt as if she'd been in a long sleep and had just woken up.

It seemed she and Cloud were far more compatible than she'd ever expected. The past week had made all of the previous difficulties vanish and anyone could tell that she had laughed and smiled more than she had in a long, long time. They got along so well that sometimes she forgot they had ever been separated from each other. It was easy. It was natural.

Tifa found she liked this new, more confident Cloud.

Now they stood next to each other in the school corridor, exchanging amused glances while Yuffie tried to pick up a fight with Reeve. The poor guy was exhausted because he was yet to understand Yuffie did this only because Reeve made it so easy. His life would become incredibly easier if he just stopped caring when Yuffie twisted his words around and forced Reeve to correct himself endlessly.

Tifa leaned towards Cloud, "Should we help him?"

"Nah," the blond replied, "I think he'll make president if he gets through this." Tifa grinned in return and was just about to answer him when she felt a tap on her shoulder. Both she and Cloud looked around.

"Excuse me…" It was a fake calm voice with masked nervousness. The voice belonged to their classmate, Jessie, "Tifa, can I talk to you…?"

Tifa was surprised with Jessie's sudden approach. Tifa, like many others, had the impression of Jessie that she was shy and quiet. They rarely spoke, and she didn't know the girl very well, except that Jessie was a genius when it came to computers. She also fixed everybody their very authentic looking but very fake I.D.'s.

Tifa quickly flashed a smile, "Sure." She then threw a glance in Cloud's direction, who only shrugged his shoulders lightly and turned back to their bickering friends. Tifa followed Jessie until the girl stopped at a remotely quiet spot further down the hallway. She patiently considered the girl before her, who fidgeted slightly, trying hard to hide her embarrassment. But, behind the uncertainty there was a determined shine in her eyes.

"Yes?" Tifa urged gently. She felt Cloud's eyes on her back, but didn't look at him.

"Alright, so… I don't mean to be rude or anything, but you seem to be kind of close with C…Clo… uh, Strife. . Right?" Jessie blinked furiously and couldn't quite meet Tifa's eyes. Instead, she focused on a spot near her feet. Tifa gave a light 'hm' and tilted her head, but on the inside she already knew where this was headed.

She was, of course, aware of the rumors. According to them, she and Cloud were going out. It amused and irked her at the same time, because people were interested enough to talk about them on the sides, but no one had the nerve to come up and ask. But, apparently that didn't include Jessie. It was even more surprising that the one brave enough to confront Tifa herself was this shy girl.

But the mention of the blond made her turn her head a bit, allowing her to sneak a hidden glance at the boy. Sudden warmth strangled her insides when she remembered the arrangements they'd made previously…

_Their footsteps were falling in sync as they walked, noticed Tifa when they approached the Biology class. She had just finished telling him her father was out of town again and she had the house to herself. Now, there was a brief moment of silence and Tifa felt involuntary jitters run up and down her spine. _

"_Say, Cloud, how do you like Biology…?" She tried to sound as normal as she could._

_Cloud arched one questioning eyebrow. "…Fine, I guess… Why?" And Tifa smiled hesitantly in return. _

"_But are you any good at it?" She pried even further, and sensed Cloud was becoming suspicious. She removed her eyes from him, afraid that he'd see trough her not-so-clever plot, "Because if you are, then maybe you could, you know, help me understand a couple of things sometime soon?" _

_The classroom had just come into view, but Cloud had stopped abruptly. Now, his brow furrowed and he gave his companion a dark look, "Cut the crap, Tifa. You know I'm dumb as a rock when it comes to Biology." His words might have been blunt, as was the stare drilling its way through Tifa's scull, but there was a definite sense of underlying amusement. _

_Tifa giggled when she turned to him, "I'm sorry, I'm sorry! I was just trying to be sensitive…" She couldn't help the smile tilting her lips. All right, so she had spied on Cloud's homework when they checked the answers. What was so wrong about that? She was just being a concerned friend._

_Cloud replied her with a mock insulted huff, which made Tifa smile even more, "You could've just asked me if I needed help, instead of such ridiculous scheming." _

"_I'm sorry, okay?" Tifa reminded snidely, reaching over to poke his arm. "So, how about you come over to my place tomorrow? I could explain you a thing or two. You don't even have to worry about dinner, I'll cook!" _

_Suddenly, a horrified look came over Cloud's face as he sputtered, "C-cook? You? That's not necessary, I assure you…" This earned him another, this time fiercer poke accompanied with an offended "Hey!" _

_Tifa sniffed and put her arms to her chest. "Hmph! Be a brat then and don't eat it, but could I remind you that I've cooked for my father and myself for the past eight years!" _

"_So, you're saying there's been improvement? Like, no food poisonings during the last six months?" Cloud eyed her suspiciously, his old traumas of tasting Tifa's cooking rising into mind. He resisted the urge to cover his mouth with his hand. The brunette frowned and nearly spat, "Of course not, you jerk! Yuffie eats my food all the time!" _

"_Hm, that doesn't really convince me. There must be a reason as to why that girl is nuts… Tifa, what on earth have you been feeding her?" Twisting his upper body to the left, Cloud evaded Tifa's hand trying to pinch him yet again. _

"_Shut up!" The brunette finally shouted, making people look long in their direction. She didn't know herself why she was getting so riled up over such a silly matter. More importantly, she should be feeling happy that Cloud teased her! Moments like this, when he was so far from the silent and emotionless ghost he had been the first days were worth gold. _

_Tifa looked away. Okay, so, maybe she did know why she was becoming flustered. "Look," she mumbled, "If you don't want my help then just say so…" _

_She didn't see it, but with her words, the devious mirth dropped from Cloud's eyes. _

"_You're way too easy, Lockhart. Almost like Reeve." The blond said, waiting until Tifa's gaze lifted to meet him. "Of course I want your help, Teef." _

"What about him?" asked Tifa, coming back to reality.

Jessie's hands balled into fists, "What I mean is, you wouldn't know if he was… seeing someone, would you?" Her mouth formed a tight line, as if to keep her lower lip from trembling. Tifa swallowed a sigh. So, Jessie was one of the many girls throwing long, wistful glances at Cloud.

"You're asking if he has a girlfriend?"

Her voice was polite, but gone was the light tone. She knew this situation was nerve-wracking for Jessie just by itself, but she couldn't help herself and asking for confirmation, even when it so obviously pained the girl.

'_I just want to see how serious she is'_, she told herself. _'As his friend, it's my job to see what kind of girls he gets involved with…'_

But the truth was that Cloud getting in a relationship with someone she didn't know made her feel… uncomfortable. She didn't know what it was. She and Cloud were still building their friendship and healing the already inflicted damage… so it was natural of her to be possessive over him… right?

Jessie clenched her jaw, and momentarily met her gaze, "…Yes."

And Tifa forced her smile into more of an apologetic expression, "I'm sorry, I think he just got out of a relationship… It was pretty serious… He's in no state to start dating anytime soon…"

With her words, with her convenient little lie she shot down the girls feeble hopes. There came the disappointment - the corners of Jessie's mouth dropped and her shoulders drooped.

"Oh," she whispered with her head down and thus missing the hollow look on Tifa's face.

"I see," Jessie said after a while, "Sorry for bothering you." She gave Tifa a timid nod of her head, and walked away towards a group of girls with anticipating looks. Tifa watched her back for a while.

Her expression was blank. She was lying to herself, too.

She didn't lie for Cloud's benefit – she had lied with her own interests in mind. Just what those interests were, she wasn't quite sure, but it was certain she didn't want any other girl to enter Cloud's life right now.

'_Funny. I never thought myself to be the jealous kind-" _

But her thoughts got interrupted when a warm hand landed on her shoulder. She turned around to meet a pair of eyes, so beautiful it reminded her of oceans glittering in the sun. She was instantly pulled in and forgot what it was to feel guilt about a lie. She forgot what it was to feel altogether.

"Tifa?" he asked, wary. Tifa spared Jessie's back a single, last glance.

"You alright? What was that about?" Cloud questioned, and the touch of his hand disappeared. Tifa regained some of her senses, shook her head and smiled.

"Nothing, absolutely nothing. "

Cloud watched her for a long time, trying to read her expression, but Tifa's smile didn't falter one bit. "…Okay," he resigned after a while of silent contemplation, "Come on. We're gonna be late."

They took off towards the English classroom, debating yet again over Tifa's cooking skills, and soon Cloud forgot about his doubts.

* * *

English class ended, and Tifa parted ways with Cloud, setting onto the task of finding Yuffie. She knew they hadn't had a chance to really talk like they used to. For the past few days they'd spent their moments together always in the company of others. And, Tifa was sure Yuffie had a lot to say – she just didn't show it, most likely for Tifa's sake. But there was no doubt that Yuffie had picked up on the change in her friend's relationship with Cloud. Hell, the whole school was onto them!

Tifa hurried towards the more rarely used, older part of the school where the P.E. hall and the inner courtyard were situated. Almost no-one visited the courtyard; the front steps of the school were much more popular, mostly due to the warming sunlight that graced students for most of the day. But, this guaranteed that Tifa and Yuffie had a spot they could go to if the hustle and bustle of the school became too much to handle.

Now, Tifa wrapped her coat tighter around herself and went to wait on one of the benches worn off by both use and age. She could hear the opposite doors opening up, and seconds later Yuffie came into view. The skirt of her uniform was cut very short, a trademark of hers if you will, and it swayed around her legs with the movement of her hip that came naturally to the slender girl. Yuffie was short and frail, but that only gave her speed and agility only a few could match. Her every move had also this special grace of a feline that Tifa had seen on no-one else. Maybe it was the Wutai blood in her.

Yuffie lifted her hand up in the air, and Tifa greeted with a smile, "Hey." She watched the smaller girl drop next to her.

"I hate equations," Yuffie declared after giving a long, deep sigh. She received a pat on the shoulder and then glanced at Tifa. "Where's your playmate?"

"Yuffie, that's gross!" Tifa immediately responded, making Yuffie burst out in a laugh. Tifa's expression had been worth seeing. "No, seriously, where is he?"

Tifa's eyebrows rose, "Why do you care?"

"I don't," sniffed Yuffie, "It's just weird seeing you without him. I thought you two were mentally grown together or something." She kept her eyes on Tifa, and even if her tone was light, the unsaid question still hanged. The brunette sighed,

"His day ended already. But, yeah, we've been spending a lot of time together lately… You don't think it's weird, do you?"

"No, it's not weird at all… at least _that _isn't. I'm more interested as to _why_ this sudden change? Weren't you the one telling me to stay away from him?" The wutaian looked at her friend expectantly while Tifa looked for words.

To speak the truth, Tifa didn't know herself why everything was different now… in her head, the reasons had stopped being relevant. The only thing that mattered was change, and change for the better. She had been terribly angry at him, but now it was hard to even remember why. Those feelings were like from a different world altogether, and the person feeling them was different from the Tifa now. But, in the dark of the night, just what had inspired her to be so forgiving? What made her forget the insult Cloud's actions had inflicted on her? She had always been a forgiving person, but there had to be more.

When he said those words… A kind of serenity had filled her, a feel of ultimate certainty. That it was right, that things were as they should, that she had no reason for doubt. He had said what she needed to hear and everything else lost its significance. Yes. Why he had changed his mind – she was confident not knowing.

So, just what should she tell her friend? The truth? She did feel bad about lying, but did Cloud want anyone to know about their past?

Then, a defensive voice arose in her head, _'If he truly wants to be friends, then there's no need to lie or keep secrets, right?' _Exactly. Tifa shouldn't degrade herself to low scheming, like there was something between them that couldn't deal with daylight. She didn't want that.

"You're right," she admitted, "It is different now. But, Yuffie, before I get to that, I need to tell you something…" She looked down, not quite sure how Yuffie would handle her news. The other girl immediately sensed how reserved Tifa was, and tilted her head a little, apprehensive of the look on Tifa's face. It was guilt, no doubt about it. "Go on."

Tifa took a breath to collect herself.

"When I led you to understand that I didn't know Cloud, I kind of lied to you," she revealed, fingering a strand of her hair, a nervous habit, and trying desperately to see if her friend was mad. Yuffie's mouth formed a serious line, she blinked her eyes with surprise, but she was clearly trying hard not to jump into conclusions or overreact before Tifa had finished. "…Okay," she finally said, her continuous stare making Tifa fidget.

"Actually it's… kind of the opposite. I've known him for almost all my life. He lived next door to my old house, and while we weren't really close or anything, he was there when my mom died and I was having a hard time…"

Now, Yuffie was too curious to be offended, "So? What happened?"

Tifa exhaled, and a distant look clouded her eyes, "Well, about a year later he and his mom moved away. I never heard of him – you know how kids that age are. Out of sight, out of mind, apparently." She leaned back on the bench and shook her head, dispelling the sad memories of a time long gone, "Are you mad?"

Yuffie thought about it for a moment. "…No, I guess. I just don't understand why you two ignored each other for so long."

Her friend let out a soft chuckle, ignoring the pressing fact that Cloud still hadn't told her why he acted the way he did before, "It's sort of complicated… We still have a lot to work out between us." At Tifa's vague explanation, Yuffie became suspicious but didn't let her thoughts show. She was, even if most people didn't notice it, a potentially considerate person. "If you say so…" But when Tifa didn't bother to elaborate, Yuffie let the subject go, releasing a big huff.

"Childhood friends, huh? Actually, if you think about it, it's pretty romantic…" She raised a suggestive eyebrow at Tifa, who immediately felt her cheeks grow warm. "Not you too, Yuff!" The brunette cried out and made Yuffie break out in laughter.

"Ha ha ha! Just admit it, Tifa, you've been thinking about it…! And if you haven't, you're in denial!"

"We're just friends!"

Yuffie snickered on for a bit longer, before fixing Tifa an inquisitive look, "So, that'd make him free game to us who see him as someone possibly worth dating?" But she already got her answer when she saw Tifa's face go blank.

"I…" muttered Tifa and looked away, "I thought you liked Vincent…"

"I was just asking… and I do," Yuffie responded in a bored tone, "You're no fun."

Tifa sighed with relief, glad that her friend let the subject go. She closed her eyes and leaned back,"Look, Yuff, I know you're dying to pair me up with somebody, but it's just too early for me and Cloud, okay? So no insinuations when he's around…" She opened her eyes to find Yuffie busily evading her gaze. "Right, Yuffie?" Tifa asked in a more stern voice, fixing Yuffie a very serious look.

The wutaian fidgeted around for a little longer, until finally submitting, "All right all right! There won't be any dirty remarks. But, Tifa, you're so boring! The least you could do is have a few moments of innocent, naked fun with him! A lot of 'friends' do it!"

"Tha- that's…" staggered Tifa, outright shocked, "D-definitely not! Yuffie!"

"Geez, don't be such a virgin, Tifa! I know you're dying to see him naked!"

Tifa bit her lip and looked away. Yuffie was making her feel embarrassed. She didn't want to think about Cloud that way, although sometimes she found herself watching his lips as he spoke, and remembering how soft they had touched her own, how warm they were compared to the cold nighttime air. "… I, I think he looks good enough with his clothes on…" She mumbled, almost too quiet for her friend to hear, and pressed her hands tightly to her knees.

Yuffie stared at her friend intently for a while, until crossing her arms and releasing a loud '_hmppff!_' But when Tifa still didn't meet her eyes, she spoke up, "Listen up, Tifa. If you still see him as some scrawny boy you knew seven years ago, you've got to shake that image and fast! I know you well enough to see that you like him – maybe not enough to date him right away, but that time might come faster than you'd expect."

"What… what do you mean?" Tifa turned her head slightly.

"He's not going to be around forever," Yuffie continued in an uncharacteristically solemn voice, "If you don't open your eyes soon, someone else might steal him away and then it's going to be hard being friends anymore. You don't want that, do you?"

Immediately, the talk Tifa had with Jessie flashed into mind. She shook her head fiercely, "No."

For now, all she wanted was to be with him. Make up for lost times, or something. She couldn't know if there'd be a day she wished for more. Now, she looked at Yuffie, and in her eyes flashed determination. "No. I don't want that."

* * *

The next day, Cloud and Tifa exited his car on the driveway of her house. Cloud inspected the house with interest, as he had been here only in the dark and had only a vague picture of it in his head. As Tifa opened the door, he let out a low whistle, "I think I see now why you no longer live next door…" Indeed, the ceiling was unusually high and that combined with the mirror doors of the closets, the sense of space only increased. Tifa set down her keys on the wooden, black tabletop near the door, "Feel free to look around."

She then took his coat and placed them in one of the closets, watching Cloud disappear deeper into the house. She could hear his tentative steps falling on the stone floors. She followed behind him, turned right at the first door, into the kitchen and started taking out something to drink. A few moments went by, until Cloud appeared at the doorway, "Tifa, this house is enormous… I got lost at least three times on the way."

Tifa chuckled, "You tell me. It makes no sense that I live here practically on my own."

She motioned towards the table and turned to take classes from the cupboard above the freshly polished steel sink. Their kitchen was very modern with the latest appliances along, glass details and smooth surfaces of black and white.

"This place would be perfect for partying," remarked Cloud, accepting the glass Tifa offered to him.

The brunette sat down as well, sighing, "Yeah, Yuffie makes sure to remind me about that every time she comes around." She slumped against the back rest of her chair and looked at the ceiling, but when she brought her gaze back down, she found Cloud watching her with a sort of complicated look. There was slight uncertainty in his eyes, like he didn't know if he should voice his thoughts or not.

Tifa smiled at him, "Out with it, Strife."

Cloud released a breath, still unsure, and rubbed the back of his head. He averted his gaze, "So, you and your dad… Do you know… does he still…?" His voice was very timid, he couldn't quite meet Tifa's gaze, but his eyes still darted somewhere close to her face and then back away again. He _wanted_ to look, but always got too scared.

"Drink…?" asked Tifa, completing his sentence. When Cloud finally dared to look at her, she shook her head and smiled, trying to signal that the subject wasn't overly painful for her. At least not anymore. "No. He hasn't had a single beer since he became sober." Instantly, there was relief on Cloud's face as he nodded.

"Good. Though, looking at this house, I probably should have guessed that. I wish I could afford this…" He mused. Cloud and his mom didn't have it so bad themselves, but a house like this was way beyond her salary.

"You do?" Tifa asked and raised her eyebrows,"I'd rather live in my old house than this place."

Cloud's brow furrowed, "What? That's crazy. Your old place was falling apart!"

"Hey! If you insult my house, you insult me! Besides, in my opinion, the house just needed a little bit of loving work here and there…" Tifa sniffed, crossing her arms with false offense. Cloud looked at her a like she was crazy a little longer, until finally shrugging, "Suit yourself…"

Mock glares were exchanged and they lapsed into a silence that lasted until Tifa let her arms drop and rose, "…Well, should we get started then? Or are you hungry or anything?"

Cloud immediately stood up too to fetch their books from the bags they'd left by the door. "Not yet – and now that we're talking about food, you're not cooking anything, got it? The least I can do is treat you to a pizza…" He then disappeared into the hallway and out of reach for Tifa to voice her objections. The brunette sighed and submitted to her defeat.

* * *

Teaching, found Tifa, was a good excuse to keep watching Cloud when he didn't notice it. She thought it was irresistibly cute how his brow furrowed in concentration – it was exactly identical to the memory she had of him in her head. While she explained things to him, she found her thoughts working their way into a different direction.

If Cloud was studying Biology, then Tifa was studying him.

The more she got to know him, the stronger she felt that he was hiding something. Even though he talked, even though he joked, it seemed as though deep down, he kept his guard up. Like he couldn't really let himself go - he was always careful of his words and actions. He was acting carefree when he wasn't. And, he refused to talk about himself; he dodged her questions, changed the subject and immediately retracted back to his shell.

Something was wrong, but Tifa was afraid to directly ask him about it. She didn't want things to go back the way they were – she didn't want them to go back to the way they were. But, it would be hard being really friends, if he never really opened up to her. _'Maybe he'll tell me in his own time,'_ thought Tifa and refused to acknowledge she was lying to herself. Cloud, even as a little boy was highly secretive and shared the common male pattern of thinking that men didn't go crying about their problems. That men either solved their difficulties by themselves or shut up about them.

About an hour later, Tifa estimated they'd reached the limits of Cloud's learning capacities, finished her sentence and pushed the books away. "I think that is enough for today," she said, stretching her arms above her head. Cloud seemed relieved as well, "That was… efficient."

Tifa grinned, "You think? Maybe I should take up teaching as a profession…" She stood up and moved towards the kitchen phone. "How about that pizza now?"

Cloud nodded his head eagerly in agreement as he stacked the books into a pile. He then went to look for the toilet while Tifa dialed the nearest pizza place's number, placed their order and gave the address. Walking out of the kitchen, she found Cloud sitting cross-legged before their large widescreen TV and surfing through the wide variety of channels.

He turned his head, "Home theater, Tifa? Seriously? You're as rich as that Shinra bastard!"

Tifa put a hand to her heart and acted offended, "What? Don't put me in the same league as him… My dad just happens to like his sports. Too bad he's never home to watch them." She threw herself on the couch, stomach down. "Food's here in twenty minutes."

"That's fast," Cloud said in a tone full of suspect, "What'd you do? Bribe them?" He nimbly dodged the pillow Tifa threw at him. The brunette pouted, "Very funny. But, what do you want to do now…?"

Immediately, Yuffie's voice invaded her mind. What oh what could two teenagers of the opposite sex do to kill time? Tifa nearly groaned and quickly looked away from Cloud, who had just turned the TV off. He shrugged his shoulders, and when neither of them could think of anything, a slightly awkward quietness took over.

There was still so much to define in their relationship and despite all the easiness, they were still getting to know each other again. In moments like these, figuring out how to proceed was difficult.

With that in mind, Tifa finally spoke up, breaking the silence, "Hey, did you know that according to popular beliefs, we're dating?" Her voice was laced with a little more cheer and carelessness than needed, because truthfully, she was nervous talking about this. They'd been busy ignoring the rumors but deep down Tifa felt that the subject needed to be addressed eventually.

"Tsch," Cloud snorted, "Doesn't anyone have better things to do than talk about other people? I mean, how could that even be…" He shook his head a little.

Tifa sat up and nodded like she agreed, but still, her eyes had widened up a bit when she heard his words. Was it so impossible that they be more than friends? Of course, it was still terribly early, but he _had_ already kissed her… It hurt and confused her a little, but she covered it up. Anyway, she was thinking too much about what Yuffie said earlier.

She looked at her lap, "But, I am really happy that we're friends again… To be honest, there was a point when I thought I didn't want anything to do with you." She smiled hesitantly, but Cloud's eyes darkened a little. He sighed. "Yeah, I thought you wouldn't… What changed your mind?"

"It's stupid really…" Tifa said quietly with a sheepish look, but at the anticipation on Cloud's face, she melted. "Actually, it was more or less Yuffie's idea for me to keep talking with you."

The blond was, quite understandably, surprised. "But… why? Don't tell me that nutjob has a secret crush on me…" His face paled impressively and Tifa laughed, "No… or at least not on you." She replied, smiling deviously.

This, of course, sparked Cloud's interest,"So, who's she got the hots for? Reeve? Poor guy…" He chuckled faintly, his lips turning into something close to a smirk. He was very likely thinking about appropriate ways how to torture Yuffie the next day.

Feeling like a bad friend, Tifa mentally apologized to Yuffie and rushed to intercept any plot that had been forming in Cloud's brain, "No, you're wrong! And, Cloud, you have to promise not to tell anybody, okay?" She fixed him one of her well rehearsed looks commanding absolute authority and insisting to be obeyed. She completed the expression by putting her hands to her hips. When he didn't answer, she cleared her throat loudly.

"Cloud. Promise me."

The blond looked away and finally nodded his head in such a tiny movement that it was hard to recognize. "…Okay. But only if you tell me. Though, I did think the I-like-you-therefore-I'm-making-your-life-miserable thing was a little on the kindergarten level…"

"Good," said Tifa, satisfied. She felt kind of guilty for spilling Yuffie's secret, but hey, maybe Cloud could do something to help?

"Alright, so you're not allowed to say anything, but Yuffie's been eyeing that friend of yours, Vincent… So she thought up of this ridiculous plan that if you and I became close, then she'd get to know him too…" She smiled crookedly, half apprehensive, and half anticipating how Cloud would react.

His brow furrowed. "You mean Valentine?" When she nodded, his surprise deepened. "… Serious?"

Tifa nodded again, and then Cloud stood up and ran a hand through his already messy looking hair, "I don't get it. They have nothing in common. And he's probably the most unsocial person I know. More importantly, have they ever even met…?" His eyes clearly told that he was thinking this was a bad idea. Tifa didn't feel too at ease with that, but didn't bring it up. Yet.

"Well, last time they met was after Rufus' party…" she noticed Cloud's face go blank at the mention, and she herself had to stop her hand from subconsciously touching her lips, "And he did go to our school for a while. So they're not strangers."

"But still…" he started but didn't finish, instead turning to look out from the window.

"But what?" Tifa questioned, her voice sounding a little defensive. "You're acting like it's awfully serious when this is nothing like that… If they don't work out, they don't, and if they do then it's all good, right?"

Cloud turned around and watched Tifa with an unreadable look. "Is Yuffie aware of this? From what I've seen of that girl, she doesn't do anything halfheartedly… This could be a mistake, bringing two people together when they know so little of each other." He took a breath, and then added, "… Someone always gets hurt. That's the way it is."

Hearing the subdued, but real bitterness under his quiet tone, Tifa grew reluctant to discuss the matter any further. But, she had to stand up for her friend, and so she rose from the couch, "Look, I think I know Yuffie a little better… She knows that there are risks but what harm is there getting to know the guy? They can handle themselves." Tifa didn't want to start a fight, it was the last thing she wanted, but she didn't quite get why Cloud was making such a big deal out of this.

They watched each other for a while before Cloud gave another shake of his head. "If you say so." He turned his head so that his face was hidden from view.

Tifa bit her lip. She didn't know if she appreciated his tone which had so many underlying meanings hidden behind that submissiveness. If he had something to say, he should just say it… Then again, she was sorry that the previously cheery atmosphere had turned out to be so heavy and ridden with unsaid words. But before she could think of anything to lighten the mood, the doorbell rang and they both jumped. The tension broke, but Tifa didn't feel relieved.

"Pizza," said Tifa softly.

"Yeah," nodded Cloud. "I'll get my wallet."

They left the living room and headed for the door, but not before making a quick stop at the kitchen. Tifa lingered in the doorway, watching how he went through his pack back. She didn't hide the regret on her face, for she was sure Cloud felt it too.

When he passed her and she moved to give him room to go by, she reached out her hand and touched his shoulder lightly. Cloud halted, if just for a moment, before continuing towards the door. Tifa walked behind him, talking quietly, "Hey, this is just one of Yuffie's tricks, right…? She's probably just bored. It'll pass when she blows off some steam and sees Vincent's just another guy…" She reconciled.

Cloud waited a second at the door, not opening, but just standing there. Then he turned his face an inch and nodded.

Tifa smiled, and he knew she did, even if he couldn't see it.

And Tifa knew that the little dispute was over, because both of them wanted for this to work out. Perhaps not for the same reasons, but they were here, trying. That made Tifa happy enough.

As she was thinking this, not letting her smile wither away, Cloud had opened the door and was paying the young delivery boy. It was at this moment that Tifa saw something drop from his wallet when he was fishing for notes. He didn't notice at all, so she naturally bent over to pick it up.

A photograph, she realized. A photograph of a girl she didn't know.

She couldn't tear her eyes off, even though her mind did enormous leaps and came to hasty conclusions. _'You're overanalyzing again, Tifa. Just give it back, be the good girl…_' But still, her eyes stayed transfixed on the small item that she could easily fit in the center of her palm, that she could easily crush into nothingness.

The corners were wrinkled and worn, just like all the corners of all the pictures held in wallets and taken everywhere with their owner, never parting, always there to be looked at, to be remembered.

The girl was beautiful. Tifa could see it in one look.

Wavy chestnut hair fell to her shoulders and bangs framed her face perfectly, but their shade couldn't dim the shine of her large, bright green eyes. Her skin was of the finest porcelain white Tifa had ever seen.

Yes, she was really very beautiful. But not just because of her face, but because of how she _was._ The girl didn't look at the camera, she was facing someone left out of the picture. She was talking with her hands animatedly up in the air. It was the radiant smile reflected on the girl's lips and eyes that struck Tifa the most: she could feel the warmth of it, so timeless, so perfectly immortalized in that one moment and in that one, little, worn out photograph.

"…Tifa?"

Almost reluctantly, she was pulled from the dreamlike world of the picture, and could no longer sense the girl's smile upon her. She looked up into Cloud's bewildered eyes. She suddenly knew that he didn't know she was holding the picture, and before even realizing what was happening, she hid the nameless, smiling girl in her sleeve.

* * *

AN: I apologize if I moved too fast with this one... I wanted to get to the good stuff. And, everybody's guess about Cloud's girlfriend was correct after all... though you people should be happy that, unlike I threatened to, I didn't make someone like Elmyra his slightly older sweetheart... I'm kidding, of course. The thought of that utterly horrible and unnatural pairing still cracks me up, though. If anyone can think of a more horrid and nightmarish FFVII pairing, I'd like to know, please.

As always, all thoughts are welcomed! Even if you feel like flaming about Aerith, just go right ahead... Take care, people!

_Lyrics from the song "Losing Touch" by The Killers._


	9. Chapter 9

AN: Hello... anybody out there?

So, what can I say? Except that I'm back. Sort of. And that I'm sorry for the unnancounced break this story was kind of on. If you're interested (which I'm sure you're not), excuses are found on the top of my profile page.

Along with my little wish that everybody hasn't completely forgotten about this story, I bring to you - after several months - chapter nine of Breakdown Point. Also with the last chapter, the limit of 50 reviews was broken, of which I am truly truly truly grateful to all you people out there! It's a big deal to me. And, thanks (?) for the creepy pairings I asked for last time around. I love you.

_Disclaimer: I own nothing._

**Chapter Nine**

"_And I feel  
Like everything I sow  
is been swept away  
Well I refuse to let you go _

_I can't get it right, get it right  
since I met you"_

Tifa closed the door behind Cloud, exhaled raggedly, turned around and leaned against the door. Then her knees finally gave out and she slumped on the floor, covering her face with her hands.

'_I don't understand. I don't understand anything… All I wanted was a little more time with you… So why is it like this? Why is it so much to ask?'_

And no matter how hard she tried to prevent it, the conversation she'd just had came flooding back.

_The cardboard boxes lay empty on the table as Cloud finished off the rest of Tifa's pizza. The brunette looked at him silently, with her jaw in her palm, and wondered why all the boys her age had appetites that knew no limits. _

_Her other hand rested in her lap with the photograph still in her sleeve. It weighed down on her, pulled her shoulders towards the ground, made her feel heavy as though every cell in her body had turned into cement. _

_At first she thought about sneaking the picture back into Cloud's wallet, but when she saw him slip it into his pants pocket, she let go of the idea. She was feeling guilty and paranoid. On one hand, she wanted to know, and on the other… well, she thought she already knew. She just didn't want to hear it coming from his mouth, because then it would be real, then she couldn't delude herself anymore. Why was it that learning this girl's identity seemed so final? Like it would end everything and there would be no going back? _

_She turned her gaze away from him, and her hand balled into a tight fist. She couldn't keep acting like such a coward. She was making this too big of a deal. This wasn't she'd been taught to be. _

_She rose to put the pizza boxes away, and when she came back, the picture sat in the middle of the table where she'd left it seconds ago. She saw Cloud stare at the smiling girl, and felt something shift inside her. _

_Tifa sat down, masking calmness that she didn't feel, "You dropped that… before." _

_Wordless, Cloud nodded and kept looking. His face was completely devoid of emotion. "… Yeah. That's Aerith." He said finally, voice so quiet it bordered on a whisper. _

_Tifa's whole body was so tense she felt as if she had frozen. Her every muscle was tightened to its limit. Aerith. The name fit her; something ephemeral, someone descending from a world far better than this one. _

_"Is she… your girlfriend?" But now, now her courage failed, and she had to clench her eyes shut because she couldn't bear to look at him. His words still reached, and Tifa waited for them, not noticing that her breath had caught up in her throat. _

"… _Yes." _

_The second it had taken him to confirm her beliefs felt like an eternity. Regret burst in Tifa's chest, suffocating her, burning her, making her feel as if a cold hand had just closed around her heart. But she kept her cool demeanor, she didn't tell him how bad it felt, she didn't tell him how bad she wanted to take everything back… Not see him in class during his first day, not hating him, not missing him and definitely not deciding to become friends again… She didn't tell him she wished for him to stay in Midgar. To stay with that girl and never come back in her life. _

_When she opened her eyes, her gaze instantly locked with Cloud's. She understood then that he was sorry too. Sorry for her, sorry for him, sorry for all the things that couldn't be. He wouldn't say it aloud, he wouldn't betray that beautiful, smiling girl, but he felt it and couldn't – wouldn't – kill the feeling making him repent every choice and every turn. _

_For a moment it was alright not to play friends, not to worry about boundaries. For a moment it was alright to feel sorry that things were the way they were. _

"_Do you love her?" Tifa asked, her voice tight with just barely controlled feelings. She was hurting herself, she didn't need to know these things… but in a way, she did though. Right now, she wasn't acting according to her better judgment, but merely doing what her feelings told her to. And now that meant only confirming her beliefs, because if she wouldn't, she'd just keep up those feeble hopes and suffer when they got crushed later on._

_Cloud blinked, maybe surprised that Tifa would ask this. But for a second, Tifa thought she saw hesitation in his eyes. No, it couldn't be, she was only imagining things. Only trying to hope, because hope was what got her here in the first place. Without it, she wouldn't be sitting here with Cloud and trying to distract herself from the looming disappointment within. _

"_Yeah, I do." He answered, his face forming a gentle, yet wistful smile. "I don't know if she loves me, though. You can never tell with Aerith. She's different from the rest… so good, so generous, so kind. But she's just that to everybody, equally. She makes no exceptions." He shook his head, and then glanced at Tifa, as if to see if she thought his words to be weird. The brunette nodded, signaling him to continue. _

"_She loves everybody. She gives everybody a second chance. She doesn't discriminate between people. That's why I can't ask her to pick me, to love only me, to belong to me, to forget everything and everybody else. If she had to choose between helping me and helping a stranger, she couldn't do it based on who's more important to her. She'd help the one in greater need." Cloud let out a deep breath. It seemed as if he had given this matter a lot of thought. There was no blame in his voice, only understanding. He'd probably accepted the fact that there was nothing he could do to change this girl._

_Tifa was silent for a long while, processing all he had said, trying to comprehend the feelings his words brought up in her. Finally, she felt strong enough to speak, _

"… _She's almost like a saint." Then, she gave him a crooked, almost bitter smile to which he responded by chuckling mirthlessly. "Yeah. It's what keeps us together and drives us apart."_

_They became silent after that. There was nothing left to say. There was nothing they could say to make it better. Because the worst hopes to go down in flames are the ones never to be acknowledged. _

'_You never know what you've got until it's gone, huh?' Tifa had never felt those words to be truer than they were at that moment. _

Ten minutes later, Tifa forced herself to get up, even if the world was shifting around her, even if the ground raveled beneath her feet. She had been right. Nothing was the same. Everything had been altered.

But was it better that she knew there was a girl named Aerith? That she knew someone was waiting for Cloud, thousands of miles away, but at the same time – here. She was in his wallet, in his mind, in his life and Tifa could do nothing to change it. So was knowledge better than remaining oblivious?

The truth was, she didn't know. In a way it relieved her to know what she would have gotten herself into.

But, that stubborn voice inside her head told her she was already in it.

* * *

Cloud stood on the Lockhart's porch until he finally let out a sigh and headed for his car. He had been contemplating whether or not to go back inside.

But what good would come of it if he went storming back, gathered Tifa in his arms, telling her that… that what? He couldn't promise her anything. He most definitely could not tell her how much he wanted her, how much he needed her. And not just because of his mother, but because right now he had seen all the _what ifs _and _would be's _mirrored in her eyes as the very image of his own. What if he had never left. What if they had remained in houses next door. What if he had never forgotten her. What if they had gotten closer. What if they had been together…

No. He shook his head, willing for the visions to leave his head. He couldn't just decide to forget everything and start anew, because no matter what they did, Aerith's smiling face would always come in between. Whatever chance he and Tifa had, had been blown up the second she saw the picture. Or, actually, he reminded himself, there had never been a real chance. He had left. He had forgotten her. He had found another girl.

Because of that, they could never be.

But when he was driving home, he found himself mesmerized by the images of another life invading his mind. Images where the photograph didn't exist, where he didn't know a girl named Aerith. Where he was free to hold, kiss and touch Tifa without guilt weighing down on his heart, without feeling like he was tainting her with his hands. It was a tempting world but a forbidden one nevertheless – and maybe that was what fascinated him so. Maybe he was one of those guys who wanted something just because they couldn't have it. Maybe. He had never felt so out of sorts as he had these last few days. Like he was starting to forget who he, as a person, was.

* * *

Yuffie waited in front of her apartment building, arms crossed to her chest and a pout on her face. She kept looking up and down the quiet street, constantly waiting for the car to show up.

She had a reason for being so impatient and cranky like she had been all day long. A few days ago, they'd been sitting at the school cafeteria with their regular group when the subject of weekend plans came up. It appeared Cloud and Reeve were hanging out at Vincent's place on Friday night, and after stomping violently on the brunette's toes, Yuffie finally got Tifa to ask if they could come along. And, to Yuffie's surprise, the gloomy pincushion named Cloud had agreed immediately. There was definitely something suspicious about that.

And speaking about gloominess, Yuffie had noticed that a certain best friend of hers had been uncharacteristically down these last few days. Yuffie had asked Tifa about it in a relatively sensitive way, but the brunette had turned mute every time. Something was undeniably up, and Yuffie didn't appreciate one bit that she was being left outside of the loop.

But, right now she didn't have time to worry about anyone else's relationships. She had to look, sound and _be_ the best she could tonight… but, Yuffie, like every other teenage girl in the world, was becoming more and more nervous. Funny. She hadn't even thought that nervous was a word that applied to her… She was supposed to be immune to that. And, she wished she could be.

Really now, where had her usual confidence gone? Nothing threw Yuffie Kisaragi off balance.

Or so she had thought, but then came the day she had transferred to Nibelheim High. She still remembered it quite clearly. She had been walking towards the steps, not the least bit thrown off by the inquisitive looks other students gave her. School had already begun two weeks ago, but this was her very first day here. She was almost enjoying the attention her different looks were earning her, and just concentrated on striding across the schoolyard in her uniform so brand new that the pleating on the skirt was still stiff around her legs. Immediately she saw that some kind of hierarchy had formed between the students. The obvious leader was the guy in the center of a fairly large group with light blond, nearly orange hair. Then there was the usual swarm of girls around him – Yuffie thought it to be incredibly corny – and several guys. One of them, standing with his hands crossed, immediately picked up Yuffie's interest. Regardless of the distance, Yuffie could clearly see that even though he was surrounded by people, he was by no means _with_ them. The way he could separate himself from the crowd intrigued her tremendously.

And, of course, Yuffie had never seen a guy quite like him. Wutai, a traditionally closed country, was nowadays open to foreign travelers and markets, but it was still pretty rare to see people from the other continents. But even Nibelheim people didn't have that pale of a skin tone, resembling almost a ghostly white, and the way his skin contrasted with his long, shining black hair… Yuffie could wait no more, and jumped to seize the hand of the nearest student and demanded to know the mysterious long haired guy's name.

'_Vincent Valentine.'_

Even now, Yuffie had to smirk by herself when she said it in her mind. Ever since she had gotten hold of that name, she had been dying to know just what made this seemingly unreachable man tick and how much effort had to be made to bring down the carefully built wall around him. She knew it was a conquest of sorts, she had after all always been a girl fond of challenges; she would do just about_ anything_ if dared. She knew it could end badly, but hell, no pain meant no gain! Plus, this obsession of hers had kept her quite busy for the last three years, even if all the progress had been made in the last few weeks. And that, mused Yuffie, was for the greater good of the whole society, because she had these kind of kleptomaniac tendencies which seemed to surface more frequently whenever she found herself bored with her life.

She had almost raided the pockets of her fellow students upon hearing that Vincent Valentine didn't go to the school regularly and that he was only finishing a couple of courses to officially get out of the place. But then, quite fortunately, she had befriended Tifa and the brunette always talked her out of pulling crazy stunts like breaking into the principal's office and replacing all the mechanic pencils with broken substitutes.

Minutes crawled by, and Yuffie started to tap the pavement with her foot. She was cold already, so where the hell were Tifa and that pincushion of hers? Yuffie was just about to dial Tifa's number on her cell when the dark colored vehicle pulled into view and stopped before her.

Yuffie let out a loud huff and scrambled into the back seat and into the warmth of the car. "So," she rubbed her arms, "What happened? Did Spikey run out of hair gel?"

Cloud glared at her through the mirror but said nothing. Tifa turned around in her seat to face Yuffie, and flashed an apologetic smile. "Sorry, last minute change of clothes… It seems that the plan for tonight has changed." She glanced at Cloud, who nodded, "Yeah. Reeve called and told me the Turks dragged him and Vincent for a tour in the bars. So that's where we're going now."

Yuffie frowned. "What? But you know I can't get in! If you'd called me just a little earlier I could have had that girl in your class, Jessie, work her magic and…" Why, why, why did she have to be a year younger than everybody else? And why, why, oh why did she have to be so damn short!? Surely this was no big deal to Cloud and Tifa who were both eighteen already, but Yuffie wasn't even seventeen yet! And not to mention she wasn't dressed in her get-into-a-bar-as-a-minor outfit! Tifa could've gotten in easily even if she wasn't eighteen; with just a little make up and a pair of high-heeled shoes and people thought she was close to twenty years.

Yuffie crossed her arms and kicked the back of Tifa's seat stubbornly. The brunette peeked in her direction again. "Calm down, it'll be fine…"

"Yeah?" sniffed Yuffie, "How can you be so sure? You'll be in before you know it and I'll be standing alone outside, trying to bribe the bouncer!"

"Yuffie…" Tifa sighed. "You know that's not how it is. If you don't go, no-one goes. Right, Cloud?" She turned to the said blond for support. Cloud squirmed for a second, obviously trying to evade the question by playing deaf. He didn't exactly see Yuffie as his friend, and definitely not as someone worth staying in the cold for. But, he could feel Tifa's stern stare on him, so he finally gave a hesitant nod. "Of course."

Tifa beamed, "See? No-one's gonna abandon you! We'll all go in and have a good time!" With a flip of her hair, she sat back, facing forwards and turned the radio up. Yuffie just cursed under her breath and waited for them to reach downtown. _'Tifa, you better be right about that…'_

* * *

The single club in Nibelheim was called Lunatic High and the name was pretty accurate, as it was the place for local teens to blow off steam, so to speak. The line at the entrance was about sixty feet long even if there was a constant flow of people going in and out to smoke and just cool off. A menacious looking pair of bouncers patrolled before the doors, but even the more rowdy clubbers were let in, as weekend brought in business without which the club wouldn't survive.

Tifa, Cloud and Yuffie stood in the line like they had done for the previous two minutes. Tifa kept looking for familiar faces, Cloud tried not to stare at the gorgeous looking brunette beside him and Yuffie was busy appearing as eighteen as she could. The air was numbing and the temperature below freezing and the three of them were all eager to get inside where it would be loud, crowded, and extremely hot.

Tifa nudged Cloud, and the latter immediately pretended not to have been looking at her. He was only a man, after all.

"Hey, Cloud, I know you're used to bigger and wilder clubs but this ain't so scruffy after all, huh? You better admit that not everything about Nibelheim sucks…" She grinned when he crossed his arms.

"I never said that it sucks… much. But I guess I'll see just how crazy you people can get…" He knew things hadn't been normal between them for the last few days, but the smile on Tifa's face made it that much easier to forget all the uncomfortable stuff. Her presence was working its magic on him yet again and he felt the worries start to lift from his shoulders and be replaced with something akin to contentment. No matter how fake, no matter how temporary it might have been, but for a while he felt better.

Tifa stopped smiling but held his gaze for a little while longer. Maybe she was thinking along the same lines that no matter how difficult it was between them right now, they were still friends. Finally she broke the eye contact and turned to Yuffie, who had been unusually silent since they'd arrived at the queue's end. "You okay?" she asked, lifting one eyebrow perfectly plucked into shape.

The shorter girl just chewed on her thumb nail and didn't meet Tifa's eyes. Instead she stared at the bouncers and kept a track of the people they were letting in and of the ones they asked to show some I.D. And, with her luck…

Yuffie just shook her head with a dark look on her face. She didn't even want to finish that thought.

Slowly but surely, the line of eager people went forward, and the threesome arrived at the doors. Tifa grabbed Yuffie's hand, "Come on, you go first, and try not to look so horrified…" she whispered, and guided the stiff girl in front of the bouncers. "Hi!" she chirped and pushed Yuffie towards the doors. The usually graceful girl nearly tripped on her feet.

One of the bouncers set a heavy hand on the Wutaian girl's shoulder. Tifa saw Yuffie turn into stone and flashed a blinding smile at the two burly males. "Is there some sort of problem…?" She kept smiling and ignoring Cloud's annoyed looks.

"There is. I'd like to see some ID," said the man who was still holding Yuffie's shoulder. "From all of you."

Tifa and Cloud started digging through their pockets, and all the while Yuffie's eyes grew impossibly wide and the look on her face became frantic. She didn't even bother to act like she had just misplaced her papers. She knew this was going to happen, but she hadn't realized how mortifying it would be… She closed her eyes. People in the line after them started to grumble impatiently.

Then, a smooth, laidback voice came from somewhere nearby.

"Oh, there you are. I've been looking all over for you guys." Rufus Shinra put out his cigarette in one elegant motion and smiled pleasantly. Or, it would have been pleasant if it wasn't so incredibly fake. The threesome all gaped at him. It wasn't normal for Rufus Shinra to be so… friendly.

The bouncers saw who it was, and immediately the other one let Yuffie from his grasp. Rufus regarded the men coolly, "Gentlemen, I believe there has been a big misunderstanding here. These are my friends who I've personally invited." The way he flipped his hair, the perfect arrogance and that came naturally only to those born in wealth would've sent girls swooning; the silent confidence in the belief that he was above all others as well as knowledge of the fact that it was money that ruled the world.

"Terribly sorry, Mr. Shinra," said the bigger one of the men, "We weren't aware of that."

Suddenly, Cloud coughed, desperately trying to hide the snort that attempted to escape. They called him Mr. Shinra_. Mr. Shinra. _Okay, so the guy was heir to the biggest company in the world, but seriously, he was also still a kid yet to finish high school…

Rufus smoothed the sleeves of his trademark white jacket. "It's fine." With that, he brushed the men off and headed inside, waving for Tifa, Cloud and Yuffie to follow.

Yuffie, recently woken from her stupor, had just begun to realize that she was really in. An enormous grin lighted up her features, and she hurried to catch up to Rufus, "How'd you do that?" Her grin turned lopsided. "And, uh, thanks for saving my ass out there…"

Rufus looked down at her, and for some reason Yuffie felt it wasn't just because of the difference in height, "It just happens that this club's part of a concern, and my father is the major shareholder. You're quite welcome, even though it wasn't a big deal."

Yuffie felt like slapping herself in the forehead. Of course Rufus' freaking dad owned the place! Realistically, it should have been surprising, but the way Rufus said it, it sounded like the simplest thing in the world. As she stopped to hang her coat up, she gave Rufus' back one last glance. Sure, she was grateful, but she didn't particularly care for the guy. Just now he had been nothing but polite, even had that odd but refined way of speaking which made him seem a few years older, very much like Reeve, but there was one large difference between them. Despite all her teasing, Yuffie thought Reeve was a genuinely nice fellow, where as with Rufus there was always a sense of condescending from the blond. Like he didn't view others as equals…. which he probably didn't.

The Wutaian shook her head along with the thought. It didn't matter what she thought of Rufus Shinra, after all, she wasn't here for him.

Cloud and Tifa had walked in behind Yuffie and Rufus, and both of their faces were filled with disbelief. "I didn't know you and Rufus were that good friends…" remarked Tifa in a low voice, as they hung up their coats. Cloud gave her a look that spoke many words. "We're not. If I knew Shinra was here, I wouldn't have come in the first place," he muttered.

"Yeah?" Tifa asked, a bit puzzled, "He doesn't seem so bad to me, after all, he did get us in…"

Cloud ran a hand through his hair. "I… I just don't trust him. Besides, the only reason he helped us was because of…" his voice died down, and Cloud blinked several times, suddenly all uncomfortable. He refused to look at Tifa, and concentrated his eyes on the opposite wall instead. Damn it. He couldn't possibly say that Shinra liked his girls pretty, and tonight Tifa did look disturbingly good. He couldn't tell her what those black high heeled boots or that open back top did to him, and probably to every other guy in the club. He wasn't allowed. So, instead he dropped the subject.

"Because of what?" prompted Tifa, her brow furrowing. When he didn't answer, she started to frown. "Cloud?"

"Come on," said Cloud, and bit the inside of his cheek, feeling bad about ignoring Tifa, "I think I see Reeve." Immediately, he started walking, and didn't even take Tifa's hand when he dove inside the mass of bodies. Behind him, Tifa's frown deepened. It was clear that they were right back at the "weird place", scared to death of each other and what they felt.

Tifa tried to look for Yuffie, but couldn't find a single trace of the dark haired girl. She was probably busy hunting down Vincent. The club was packed with people, the dance floor a chaos and the long bar at the back wall was completely invisible behind the countless backs of people determined to get drunk tonight.

Finally, she managed to reach the booth that occupied Reeve, Reno, Rude, Elena, Tseng, a very sour looking Scarlet and lastly, Cloud. Their table was already flooding with empty glasses. In the next booth was Rufus, probably liquoring up his usual groupies. He gave Tifa a very long look as she slid in the booth next to Elena, and the brunette's eyebrows rose. Was he inviting her over…? But, the question vanished from her mind when her already slightly tipsy friends greeted her in a rather noisy way. The waiter came over with their apparently unforgivably delayed order, and Tifa found herself facing a very stiff drink that she didn't know the name of. She felt eyes on her, looked up, but when their eyes met, Cloud immediately looked away.

Tifa swallowed a sigh. She had just begun to feel like drinking.

* * *

A good hour later Tifa had made lots of progress in the name of her goal, which was erasing this whole night from her head. She had abandoned their booth somewhere between… well, she wasn't quite sure how many drinks she had gulped down before deciding that getting served in the tables took way too much time. So she had fought her way through the human wall before the bar, evaded countless hands trying to feel her up and turned down even more requests to go dance with some stranger.

She was just counting up the number of shots she'd poured down her throat when someone pushed the guy sitting next to her off his stool and jumped in his place.

"Hey, Yuffs, how ya doing?" Tifa asked, and a slow grin found its way on her face. The smaller girl just smacked her fist on the bar, demanding attention from the very busy bartender. "Ho," said Tifa, "that bad?" She reached over to pat her friend on the forehead. She missed, and her hand landed square on Yuffie's face.

The later batted her off, irritated, and tried again to wave the bartender over. No such luck. Tifa's hand gripped her shoulder and forced Yuffie to turn her eyes to the brunette. "So…" Tifa whispered, looking very serious.

"So what?" Yuffie said dryly, although she knew perfectly well what was on Tifa's mind. The brunette exhaled, and her breath hit Yuffie in the face. The smell of alcohol made her even thirstier. "Well, did you and Vincent get to talk properly…?"

Yuffie sighed deep with frustration and rubbed a hand down her face, probably ruining her make up in the process. "No. It's going horrible. He just keeps ignoring me or looks at me like I'm crazy." Her voice was laced with disappointment, and truthfully, a little bit of hurt. Yuffie was just a girl, despite all the overconfidence and the I-couldn't-care-less-what-you-think attitude.

Yuffie continued, "And that bastard Reno keeps giving me shit about it… I admit he's hot to look at, but then he has to open his stupid mouth…" Tifa shook her head too, feeling bad for her friend.

"Men, right? They're crap." She stated, after a while of contemplating silence.

Yuffie finally lifted her gaze and nodded. "… And yet, we continue to like them." She smiled faintly, and Tifa answered her smile, because it was good to have someone listen to your complaining. Moments like this made her so glad that Yuffie was here and not far away in Wutai.

Suddenly, the shorter of the girls cocked her head, a curious shine in her eyes. "Besides, Tifa, what do you even have to complain about? Last time I checked you weren't interested in anyone special…" Tifa's face turned to stone along with her friends words, and the brunette shook her head so furiously that her long hair hit anyone standing nearby in the face, "I'm not!"

Snorting, Yuffie just shot Tifa a dry look, "Whatever, then. Let's get hammered!"

Tifa grinned, and at that moment, the bartender happened to pass them. Tifa stood up, and the determination on her face was hard not to notice, "Bartender! Two Vodka Shivas – and keep them coming!"

* * *

The music pumped loud, bodies collided with each other, and the bass made the floor tremble. It was suffocating hot and the flashing lights colored everybody in their alien hues, making everything surreal. Tifa swayed her hips, twisted her hands in the air and shook her hair wildly. She was like floating with the music, the steady pump becoming one with the rapid beating of her heart and making it so easy to forget everything.

She reached over and twirled Yuffie, misplaced her step and their hips bumped together and, as a result, they both burst out in uncontrollable laughter.

Yuffie pulled her closer and shouted over the music, "I'm going back to the bar! Are you thirsty yet?" But Tifa just shook her head, and let Yuffie slip between the dancing bodies. Truthfully, Tifa's throat felt like sand and the heat was becoming unbearable, but she didn't want to stop just yet. She wanted to remain in that bliss of not caring, not thinking, not worrying. So she closed her eyes and started to move again, sometimes feeling a set of hands circle around her waist, but then she would just shake them off and dance away with herself.

Finally her knees started shaking with exhaustion, heels probably weren't the right choice of shoes, and she began to stumble towards the bar. Then she felt his stare. He was doing it again, and she couldn't escape his eyes or her own feelings. She was supposed to go find Yuffie, but instead her legs took involuntarily steps towards Cloud.

He sat alone in the booth, everybody had scattered either onto the dance floor or the bar. Tifa figured he was sentenced to be the designated driver.

Tifa gave him a weak smile as she sat down. All night she had been trying to ignore him, herself, everything about them, but now it started to spin out of her control. She didn't know whether it was the alcohol in her system or the simple fact that she just _couldn't_ stop feeling when he was near, but all she wanted to do now was relieve the tension between them. She didn't want to dance on thin ice anymore, she didn't want to be scared anymore.

"Hi," she whispered, staring deep into his beautiful blue eyes. He didn't answer, just nodded his head, but didn't break the contact and so Tifa scooted over and let her head drop on his shoulder. He was firm and yet soft at the same time. She sighed, and all the energy left her in that one breath, replaced by tiredness seeping into her muscles and into her head that was still a bit fuzzy from all the drinks. Maybe, just maybe, she could be allowed just this one stolen moment…

"It's so unfair, Cloud…" Tifa said, her eyes closing. Cloud tilted his head, still uncomfortable to feel her weight on him, "What is?" he asked softly, secretly admiring how her lashes pressed against the frail skin of her cheeks. Tifa shifted, and her hand drew an uncoordinated arc in the air, "You know," she said, eyes still shut tight, "us."

Cloud nearly flinched. He was starting to understand her, and with a quick glance he made sure that no-one was looking and slowly, hesitantly, put his arm around Tifa. She tensed for a moment, and then eased back into his side. Cloud, on the other hand, felt incredibly uneasy… but at the same time, it was the right thing to do. No-one knew, after all.

"We…" Tifa started shakily, almost like she was scared of continuing. Then, she let out a bittersweet little laugh, "We would've been so good together… so it's not unfair, it's just… stupid…" Her mouth wrenched into a smile that held no joy. She was happy to be near him, it felt good, but simultaneously she was only breaking herself on the inside.

After that, Cloud couldn't find any words. It wasn't his place to be comforting her in the first place, especially when he was the one making her say those words. They were true, that much he knew, that much was clear, but he couldn't answer her. So he just held her a little tighter, because right now words were much more dangerous than actions.

"… You tired?" He asked after a while, after the moment had passed and they were both getting hold of themselves. Tifa set her hand on his shoulder for support and pushed herself up. She nodded her head once, eyelids almost closing again.

"Okay. Let's get you home then." Cloud smiled a little. She had been partying pretty hard this evening. He stood up, his arm still around Tifa and his palm securely against her waist. She wobbled a little on her heels, but by leaning heavily against Cloud, they made it to the coat racks. That was when Tifa remembered something.

"Oh. Yuffie."

Cloud handed Tifa her coat, eyebrows rising, "Are you sure she wouldn't rather let Vincent drive her?"

"Not tonight," Tifa sighed and carefully put her arms through the sleeves of her jacket. Cloud let out a frustrated breath, "Alright, I'll go get her. Stay here."

Tifa nodded her head obediently and leaned against the wall to watch him go. She wasn't quite sure how long he had been, but after some time Cloud appeared into view, dragging Yuffie by the arm. Oh boy. She was going to suffer tomorrow… again. But Tifa suspected that her own morning wouldn't be so enjoyable either.

They got into their coats, went out and climbed – Yuffie and Tifa with some difficulties, of course – into Cloud's car. The club's music faded quickly behind them and Tifa leaned against her seat. She was in the front with Cloud, and Yuffie in the back where she would zoom out in no time.

The drive was done in silence, with Tifa just watching lazily as the houses and streets went by. The smooth rumble of the engine was like a lull to her, making her eyelids feel heavier and heavier, but she was resolved to stay awake. Finally, her house came into view and Tifa forced herself to sit up a little straighter. Cloud stopped at the street and killed the engine, got out and was just circling the car when Tifa got herself to stand on the pavement. She smiled sleepily, "You don't have to walk me, Cloud… I'll be fine."

He just shrugged, and slid his hands in his pockets when he drew up next to her. Tifa's walking was a little unsteady, but she could make it to the door without much difficulties. She started to look for her keys.

"You can go already, Cloud. Honestly. I've done this before…"

His hovering was terribly sweet, but completely unnecessary. Tifa squeaked with delight as she found her keys and got the door open. She begun to shoo him away, but he didn't even move, didn't blink an eye.

A very solemn look had come over his face, and his gaze kept leaping between Tifa's face and his shoes. "You… you'll be okay, right?" But now he wasn't talking about Tifa's current state. The brunette tilted her head, the smile dropping from her lips. Why did he have to bring this up?

"I need to go, Cloud," she said in a timid, tired voice and moved to go inside.

Both of his hands went to her shoulders, stopping her, "I… I don't want it to be like this. We just want to be together, right…? I can forget about her, for a while, it would be okay… I just don't want to hurt you, and continuing like this is…" Cloud's eyes went to the door, from where the smooth floors of her house could be seen, almost like a path leading up into her room and into her bed… and he felt horrible even for suggesting something like this. He couldn't help himself. He wanted to do something, anything, to take away that loneliness from her eyes. It reminded him too much of the emptiness he had inside his chest, somewhere where his heart used to be.

Tifa smiled sadly, gently, and grazed his cheek with a fleeting touch of her fingers. Such a small caress, but one that she shouldn't be experiencing, as it only revealed the true entirety of her unsaid wishes. She shook her head, "No. You can't. We can't. Not like this." She felt so bad for denying him when it inflicted such pain in his eyes, pain that he tried to hide but just couldn't. She lifted his chin so that he'd meet her eyes, "Don't worry, okay? We'll just have to make the best of things… And it'll be all right. I'll be alright. "

_Lies._

It took him a while, but finally he nodded and let his hands drop from her shoulders. "I'm sorry," he whispered. Tifa pulled away from him, opened the door fully and watched him go, without letting that wistful smile fade away.

"So am I," she said, and only silence of the night witnessed her answer.

Inside the car, Yuffie pretended to be asleep when Cloud started the engine and pulled away from Tifa's house. She wasn't quite sure of what she'd just seen. Or what she should feel about it. One thing was certain, though. Tifa was lying to her. She and Cloud were _not _just friends.

* * *

AN: ... I don't have the courage to tell how much I would appreciate feedback on this particular chapter so I'll just say see you in the next chapter! Which, I promise, won't take as long as this one did.  
PS. Wasn't I clever with how I named the drinks and the bar? ...not really. Oh ho ho.

_Lyrics from the song "Map Of The Problematique" by Muse._


	10. Chapter 10

AN: I've been avoiding it, but I finally went and changed the genres of this story around. I don't like the way 'angst' sounds but just like a review I got said, that's how this story really is. And it's only going to get worse.  
Otherwise, I have nothing to blab about so thanks to everyone who reviewed. I hope you have a great summer!

_Disclaimer: I own nothing._

**Chapter ten**

_"If, you were on my mind, all night and day, blame it on my youth_  
_If, I forgot to eat and sleep and pray, blame it on my youth_

_If I cried a little bit, when first I learned the truth,_  
_don't blame it on my heart, blame it on my youth"_

Just like intended, Cloud dropped off Yuffie in front of her building, made sure she got to bed and afterwards headed home. Inside the house he tried to be as quiet as he could when he checked on his mother, took a shower and went to bed. Now he sat on the mattress, thinking quietly. His body was dead tired, but his mind kept going in circles. Sleep was looming somewhere just out of his reach. He was restless. After a moment, he stretched his hand out towards the nightstand and his phone, flipped it open and let the artificial lights color his face.

Three new messages to his voicemail. Well, not that new since he got them earlier that day but he'd refused to give them a listen. Even now he hesitated but finally gathered his courage and lifted the phone to his ear. He knew without checking who all of the messages were from.

"_Hey, man," _came Zack's deep voice, lacking its usual laidback cheer.

"_How's Nibelheim treatin' ya?"_

There he went, pretending like he wasn't pissed off. A long pause ensued, with just Zack's breathing resounding in Cloud's ear. Then Zack sighed audibly.

"_Look, Cloud… what are you doing? It's been a month and not a single call… Hell, you could be dead or something and we wouldn't even know."_

"_She… she worries about you. We both do. You know that, right?"_

Another pause leaden with disappointment.

"_All right. That's it, I'm done preaching. Just... call us. I'll be waiting." _

The message ended, and a monotone female voice instructed Cloud what to do if he wished to replay the message. He didn't, and deleted the rest one by one. It was rare for Zack to get angry – and even rarer that he got angry at Cloud. But it was understandable. While Cloud wasn't the most social guy on the planet, it wasn't like him to end all contact, to not be there… that kind of loyalty; he'd picked it up from Zack. Among other things. It felt horrible to hear disappointment in his best friend's voice.

Zack… he always said he didn't expect anything of Cloud. That's the way he was… Seemingly dense, always being goofy and joking around to the point you thought he was incapable of anything else, but truthfully he was so sharp that he'd pick up on even the littlest of things; moods, feelings, even when Cloud didn't say anything, almost like reading his mind. He was more like a brother than a friend, built up from the same foundation.

Somehow, Cloud had felt the need to measure up in his company, and Zack sensed that. When was it he started saying that horrible line…? _Cloud should be Cloud_! He'd laugh and ruffle his friend's hair. Cloud shook his head at the memory, a ghost of a smile gracing his features.

Cloud should be Cloud.

Still, letting Zack down was the worst… Partly because he would never, ever do the same to Cloud. He was too good for that, too kind, too responsible. He would never turn his back on those who mattered to him.

Cloud stood up and ran a hand through his hair_. 'It's not just Zack… I keep letting everybody down… Mom, Aerith… Tifa.' _He'd promised himself he would be strong. But he was weaker than he'd ever thought possible. About Tifa… he still had a lot of explaining to do. Especially about why he was such a prick to her earlier, pretending she didn't exist in his world anymore, and as well the little fact that he'd suggested they cheat on his girlfriend together… Yes, there was that minor detail too. He sighed darkly.

He'd clearly been acting on pure impulse, wishing for a moment of forgetfulness. On some subconscious level he knew that getting to _know_ Tifa, getting to taste every inch of her would, for an instant at least, occupy his whole mind; a form of some relief. Self-protection, actually. It was like putting a curtain on all the bad feelings; desperation and helplessness that he feared would otherwise spin out of control.

Of course, suggesting something like that was unforgivable, painful and more importantly, unfair to Tifa. But he had thought she wanted it too. …No, he knew she did, from the way her breath got caught up and her skin shivered when he held her close in the bar, his skin brushing against hers where her top was more revealing. The attraction was there, constantly hovering in the background behind their best efforts at ignorance. It had always been there, since day one, and it had been what drove him to kiss her that one night. Cloud let out a humorless, almost bitter laugh. It was a pure miracle that he'd been able to fix things between them, considering what he had been doing before that… Seeing her for the first time in seven years, deciding to push her away, brush her off, but failing miserably – and kissing her after several days of acting like he didn't know her anymore. For all his effort, it had been futile.

Even the most common human being with no degree in Psychology whatsoever, could say that he was denying things when he chose to ignore Tifa that first day in school.

He hadn't been expecting to see her, hell, it shocked the hell out of him, and he panicked.

… Or that's how he liked to reason it, but the real answer lied probably within his own idiocy and cowardice. Too scared to face things, too scared of admitting the truth, too damn terrified of becoming part of this town his mother had chosen as the place to meet her end and, ultimately, leave him.

And Tifa… well, since their separation, he hadn't spared Nibelheim a single thought. No. He would only think of Tifa. To him, she was Nibelheim… or at least everything about it that was worth remembering. She embodied this place; the cold, the snow, the dark and long winter, the light in spring, the warmth slowly creeping into his bones when he lied before the fireplace after a long day of playing in the snow. She was here, in every corner, on every street, in every star that shined so much brighter here than in Midgar.

It wasn't her fault, but every glimpse of her brought back in mind the fact that he was here, that he wasn't in Midgar where his life had really begun, that his mother couldn't be cured, that she had already accepted death when he hadn't. But, he'd decided to look past all this because, to put it simply, being with Tifa made him feel a little better. Of course, saying they were friends was an overstatement, if not outright a lie. Cloud hadn't had a lot of friends in his life, but the ones he had, he did treasure. He didn't believe in lying or keeping secrets – or at least he thought he didn't. After all he was keeping one pretty huge thing from Tifa, and deliberately shutting her out.

About his mother, he didn't want to tell her. He didn't want them to meet, no matter what.

'_I don't want her pity. I don't want her sympathy. I just want to feel… whole.'_

Yes, there would be no sharing of feelings considering the death of a parent, there would be no emotional outbursts. Even if for a while, if only just with her, he wished to be normal. To talk about normal everyday things, subjects that were supposed to be boring and uninteresting but which, in reality, gave life meaning and a purpose. Without those trivial moments life was just a shell, a hollow play.

Growing tired of his thoughts, Cloud pulled an old t-shirt over his head and swiftly dove under the covers. His mind was heavy – all of his emotions sucked dry with this long, hard day. He fell into a nervous, light sleep, already anxious of what the pale dawn slipping into his room would bring with it.

* * *

Tifa awoke from her dream with a violent start. A ragged breath burst from her lungs as if chased. The covers fell to her lap and she just sat there for a second before giving a visible jump and pressing her fists tightly against her eyelids.

It was coming back. Her dream. Even a furious shake of her head couldn't dissolve the vivid flashes, because they were inside her. Clothes falling, hands exploring, lips colliding, tongues sliding over tender skin… It was so real. Too real. Like she knew from experience how it would feel when he was so close, when he touched everywhere. Even now she half expected him to be lying next to her, his breath even and sheets warm around him – as proof that the night wasn't just a part of her imagination.

But her bed was very, very empty.

For a while, she hated herself for wanting him so bad. Though she had refused him last night and denied what was growing inside her, the yearning wouldn't go away – it just locked itself deep inside her head and tormented her when she slipped into the realm of dreams, nightmares and unrealized wishes.

Unexpected pounding exploded behind her temples and released her from the strange trance the visions had sunk her in. They were so forbidden, wrong, yet so fascinating.

For once, she was grateful for this horrible hangover.

'_Just how am I to face him?'_ she would ask in her mind.

She didn't know the answer. Maybe everything, the slim chance they'd had as friends, had been blown to hell. Nothing had happened, and at the same time, so much. She marveled at how seemingly minor things - gestures, expressions - could change everything. They had crossed the line. It was impossible to go back.

Tifa got up, reached a hand for her robe, but instead froze to stare at herself in the mirror. The loose top hung over her features, but the backlight revealed her figure. Her hair fell in a dark disheveled waterfall, goosebumps rose on her skin, her eyes were tired and droopy from the long night.

'_I can't compete_,' she realized when she was mentally visited by the photograph of Aerith, _'I can't win. Not against her.'_

If she knew what was good for her, she should back down… she should make sure that nothing would happen between her and Cloud… ever. She should just say hi in that boring, polite, _banal_ voice that she used on so many irrelevant people …

The line can never be uncrossed.

The shudder was so intense it made her feet stumble. The feeling erupted simultaneously in her every cell and on the inside, she screamed.

'_I don't want to lose him,' _she realized_. 'Don't… don't… don't take him away! I don't want to lose him!'_

She could still imagine his arms around her. It was so very tempting to keep thinking.

No matter how she wanted, no matter how she wished, no matter how lovely the pictures of her mind were, she shouldn't give in to the dream. She turned away and went into the bathroom to take a very cold shower.

Afterwards she emerged with a large towel tied around her body and wet strands of hair clinging to her bare shoulders. She shivered from the cold and contemplated on diving back under the covers, to comfortably forget everything, when the demanding rumble of her belly reminded that she hadn't eaten anything in about sixteen hours. Her head still throbbed painfully, but all in all, she felt pretty good considering the amount of drinks she'd obliterated during the evening. Gulping down a steady dose of painkillers she trotted downstairs, each step creating a nasty spike of pain in her head.

She fixed herself a meal of leftovers, emptied her plate with record speed and buried herself in the couch, lazily flipping through channels.

It was awfully quiet, and the silence made her thoughts awfully loud, as if in contrast. She tried to lie as still as she could, willing for the headache to go away faster. Focusing on the endless game shows was proving to be more and more difficult by each minute. In the end, she was almost grateful when her phone rang and she had to drag herself upstairs.

It was Yuffie. A wave of relief washed over Tifa, but at the same time, a pang of regret hit her chest. It was hard to decide what she wanted, when she was feeling so many things all the time.

Faking cheer, she picked up the phone and learned that Yuffie had gotten home safely and was now feeling miserable. Tifa wasn't surprised at all.

Yuffie proved to be a welcome distraction, but after a while Tifa grew tired of her friends seemingly countless questions. Yuffie claimed she didn't remember anything and asked Tifa to fill her in on the evening; what she'd done, how much she'd drank, who'd she dance with and how'd she get home. For some reason, Tifa felt like she was being interrogated. This wasn't like Yuffie; usually she just asked not to be reminded of the crazy stunts she'd pulled during the night.

Yuffie was especially interested in the drive home, which only brought Tifa's thoughts back to uncomfortable stuff so she told her friend she had tons of homework to do, presentations to prep for, and after saying that she'd see Yuffie on Monday, she promptly hung up.

After a few minutes of fussing over it, she finally decided to turn her phone off completely.

* * *

The weekend flashed by and was of course followed by a Monday and, consequently, a new day in school. And everything was just as horrible as Tifa had dreaded it would be. She had to actually flee from the Biology class and into the toilet stalls to calm her nerves.

They couldn't look each other in the eye. They flinched every time they accidentally touched. There was nothing to talk about, because all the unsaid words threatened to spill, the weight of them looming over their heads. Even now, they roused a strangling feeling in her throat. It was like there was a wall of ice between them – they could see each other, hear each other, but the wall made everything distorted and foreign. It was almost as if they were strangers, back at the beginning again.

Tifa couldn't begin to describe her relief when she was finally home again. After school, she had just about run from the schoolyard, not giving Cloud the chance of offering her a drive home.

Well, he probably wouldn't have offered anyways. It would have been one painfully awkward fifteen minutes.

Tifa busied herself with house chores to distract herself from the mortification this day had been. But… it still tormented her. She really had intended to be normal with Cloud, but at the moment she saw him in school, everything came back. The dream, the guilt, the loneliness.

It was so selfish, wanting him to herself. Why? Why did it have to be him? It would have been so much easier with someone else. She would have been happy. She would have deserved a normal guy, and Cloud was not one of those. The more time they spent together, the more she felt not everything was okay with him.

But at the same time, it was impossible to go back now. _'I need to fix things now, or else…'_

Just then, her phone went off and the train of thought was snapped. She had been re-organizing their bookshelves when she heard the distant ringing coming from her room and echoing in the empty, quiet house. She stormed up the stairs, knowing it, just knowing in her bones that it was him.

Her bedroom door slammed against the wall when she pushed it open and dove at her bed where the phone was lying on top of the mattress. Her heart beat like it was about to burst when she finally had the phone in her hand.

She froze, with her eyes transfixed onto Cloud's name blinking on the screen.

'_I should answer him,'_ she told herself – but what would she say? The same horror that drove her to avoid him in school overtook her, the same doubt that things were at an end already…

Her trembling thumb moved towards the 'answer' icon, her throat going dry, but her heart swelling at the thought of hearing his voice again.

The call ended. She blinked.

"This… this kind of…" she stammered, staring at the now dead phone with disbelieving eyes. Then she got mad, "You've got to be kidding me!" Why couldn't he try calling for a t least two seconds longer!

After furiously dialing his number, she had the phone against her ear and was pacing back and forth in the limited floor space of her room. The dial tone was making her crazy. What the hell, he couldn't be that far from the phone yet!

A cracking sound, then, _"…Hello?" _

"Cloud!" the phone nearly went flying from her hand. "You called!"

"_Uh…" _ She could practically hear him scratch his head in confusion, _"that's right…"_

Silence. Tifa felt panic crawl under her skin. This was turning out to be just what she'd feared. Just as she was thinking about something – anything! – to kill the silence, his voice came through yet again.

"_I was thinking… maybe we could meet up? I mean I understand if you don't… want to, but… yeah…" _

With every word, she could hear his courage crumbling into nothing, and it made her heart miss a beat. Just because it was so real, so sincere.

Her fingers gripping the phone, knuckles almost white she heard herself whispering,

"Sure. I'd like that."

Immediately, she heard Cloud's probably unconscious breath of relief. She smiled a little. He was scared of being rejected, too.

"_So… what do you wanna do?"_

She needed to figure out something, and fast. Something which wouldn't require that much talking, something that friends did… Something to help them get back to normal, if it was indeed even possible.

"How about we go for that run now?" she asked after remembering that old promise she'd made what felt like ages ago. She heard her own nervousness even through the perky tone. "Do you remember where the track is? Near the mountain?"

After a brief silence, Cloud answered, _"Yeah. See you in an hour?"_

"Yup. See you." Tifa began to hang up, just like she thought Cloud was going to, but then her name came through yet again.

"_Tifa…? Should… should we talk about this…?"_ A very timid voice, almost scared of being heard.

Tifa's smile fell when she thought about it. She swallowed. "I… I don't know. Should we?"

But then to her relief – and regret – he backed right out.

"_I don't know. We'll figure it out… later, right? But, see you there. 'Bye." _

"Okay. 'Bye." Clack.

Tifa stared at her phone for a while and then nodded to herself. She turned around and walked to her window, watching how daylight slowly turned into a blue dim. Her feeling nervous didn't matter at all. This was right and shadows of distant girlfriends be damned.

Because, after all, she didn't want to lose him.

* * *

Yuffie's dark head leaned against the bus window and jumped in synch with the rest of the vehicle when there was a bump on the road. She stifled a yawn and blinked exhaustion away from her eyes. She couldn't doze off now, or else she'd miss her stop…

It was already nightfall and dark had cascaded over Nibelheim. The night would be very, very cold and the school uniform clad Yuffie wanted to get home as soon as possible. She didn't particularly enjoy feeling the breeze around her thighs.

She'd spent all of her afternoon in the library. Yeah yeah, Yuffie Kisaragi and books shouldn't get mixed up in the same sentence, she knew, but in order to stay abroad she needed to do better in school. Originally, Yuffie had thought that slacking off no more would improve her grades enough, but as it seemed, it wasn't that easy. She had fallen behind on more than one subject.

And to top it off, Godo was leaving her angry voice mails after he'd figured out the bogus report card she'd sent him earlier.

But, seriously, there were at least a million ways to spend your day a little better than sitting at school and being rooted to a chair… But just then Yuffie's mental whining was interrupted by a familiar pair of people standing at the street corner. Her stop wasn't until several blocks, but she pushed the button nevertheless and called a quick 'Sorry!' to the driver who had to make an abrupt stop. The doors opened and Yuffie jumped into the cold air with her heavy, book filled bag.

She strode briskly towards the two guys who had yet to notice her. Her chest tightened when she saw the all-too-familiar swish of jet black hair in the night breeze, and swallowed hard. Vincent was the first to see her, his unreadable eyes going over her in a long sweep before turning away again.

"Hey, Reeve," she was just a few steps away. The shorter one of the guys, hearing his name be called, looked over his shoulder and smiled politely – like he always did, regardless of who it was he greeted.

"Hi, Yuffie."

Yuffie acknowledged Reeve's partner with a nod as curt as she could muster at that time, "Vincent."

She was desperately trying to keep the mortifying memories of Friday night at the back of her mind. Vincent, gazing into distance, made a movement of his head so tiny that it was almost impossible to recognize as a nod.

"I'll give you two a minute," Reeve said, ever-so-considerable, before Yuffie could stop him. He started to step away, but then the short girl grabbed his sleeve.

"Actually, Reeve, I was wondering if we could talk." She told him in a tone that spurred no resistance, with her brows held high. Reeve seemed a bit puzzled, but obligingly followed her further down the street. Vincent was left to stand alone and make it extra clear that he didn't want or care about any part of their conversation.

As they came into a stop, Reeve motioned towards his quiet friend with a sheepish half-smile, "Sorry about that. He can be a little…" he paused, "unfriendly, I guess, but I assure you it's not because he dislikes you or anything…"

Yuffie rolled her eyes, "All right, great, whatever." She waved her hand in the air dismissively. "Listen, there's something I need to ask you."

Reeve tilted his head slightly. His cheeks were a little red from the cold. "Go ahead."

But Yuffie wasn't quite sure of how she should put it, so she bit her lip in thought.

"It's about Cloud and Tifa. Have you noticed anything… weird going on with them lately?" Well, she hadn't thought Reeve to know any juicy secrets anyway, but when she saw his confused look only deepen with her words, she felt a little worried. It couldn't be that she was just imagining things?

"I'm not sure I know what you mean, sorry," Reeve said after a moment of contemplative silence. He actually managed to look sincerely apologetic, and Yuffie wondered how the hell he could be so nice all the time? And what must his parents be like if they had produced something like this… Hell, they probably weren't even on first name terms with each other.

"Well," Yuffie started, crossing her arms on her chest, "you know, if they've gotten _closer_ to each other…" She stared at him impatiently. He sure did always take his time to answer. Maybe it was because he had been taught to choose his words carefully.

Reeve shook his head, "But they're just friends, right?"

But Yuffie immediately shook her head at that, "That's what they keep telling us but I myself am not quite buying it. There is something fishy here. You're friends with Cloud, so he really hasn't said anything to you that might imply… anything at all?"

"Not really." This time, his answer was pretty quick. "Though you are Tifa's best friend and you know her better than anyone – if you think so, then it must be true."

Yuffie's eyes went to her feet, "Yeah, well, I don't know about that. Best friends usually tell each other things." She didn't put too much effort into hiding her bitterness.

She went quiet and her forehead wrinkled with worry. This… thing between Tifa and Cloud – if there even was one – couldn't be all good, if she wasn't telling her friend about it. Yuffie knew her to be the kind of person to hide her troubles, thinking it was a burden to others.

Reeve was silent too, and for a moment, Yuffie got the impression that there was something bothering him as well. She lifted her gaze, eyes narrowing, "What?"

"Oh, it's just… If you're right, this is indeed going to be sad news for the male population of our school…"

But he wasn't talking about the very many guys in their school who had attempted to date Tifa.

Yuffie blinked, "…Reeve…" Her eyes widened.

He only smiled gently, but there was a slightly lamenting look in his eyes. "She's smart, funny, nice, pretty… I'd be a fool not to be attracted to her. Oh, woe me."

"Maybe you should just… tell her?" Yuffie suggested, growing a little self-conscious of watching Reeve who was still looking far away. She really didn't know Reeve that well, and it seemed like she was butting in on a private moment.

When Reeve finally met her gaze, he shook his head, and the wistful look was gone. He was back to his normal, pleasant self. "No. I don't want to possibly ruin a blossoming friendship."

Yuffie sighed almost exasperatedly, "Reeve… you're too admirable…" She kept an intentional pause.

"And that's why you two really suit each other." She smiled a little when Reeve's eyebrows rose.

"You shouldn't get my hopes up, you know," he said in a mock chiding tone.

"I'm serious!" Yuffie laughed and reached up to swat his arm gently, "And I know you would treat her with the respect that she deserves."

Reeve shrugged, pretending to rub the pain away from where her hand had connected, "I appreciate it, but that kind of talk is just plain dangerous…There's no telling what the future will bring. For the moment, it is better to remain doubtful, if not even skeptical."

Massaging her temples with her fingers, Yuffie finally nodded, although she didn't agree all the way with him when it came to the matters of the heart. "…I guess you're right. Anyways, we both probably agree on keeping this conversation between us for now?"

"Of course…" Reeve nodded without hesitation. "I should probably head back to Vincent now, unless you want me to walk you home? It is getting late." He smiled warmly, and Yuffie found herself answering the gesture with equal, heartfelt emotion.

"Nah, I'll manage. But thanks anyway." As she started to walk, she heard Reeve's steps gradually draw further away as well. But just after a couple of steps, something came into mind and she whirled around,

"Hey! Reeve! I'll be rooting for you – so don't you dare give up!"

Reeve's figure turned around to wave at her, and she knew he was laughing in his silent way.

"… And I'm giving you a hard time because I like you! See ya around!" Yuffie shouted, and disappeared around the corner.

* * *

A dark silhouette stood in the light of a lonely street lamp, nervously shifting his weight from one leg to another. Then he heard steps falling on the ground and turned.

"Hi," Cloud said softly, almost scared of what his mere voice would reveal.

Tifa walked slowly into the light, "…Hey."

It was completely quiet, as if darkness had enveloped them in a thick blanket. Tifa's eyes fell on his hand, the one that wasn't stuffed into the pocket of his sweats, and noticed his fingertips growing red with the cold. Immediately, she was struck with the desperate need to grab his hand and warm it with her own heat.

She looked away, _'I can do this. No big deal.' _

"I," Cloud started, hesitation showing in his eyes, "I should probably thank you -"

No. She was wrong. She couldn't do it. Not when he said something like that to her.

'_Thank me? Thank… me? For what…'_

"Don't worry about it!" Tifa cut him off in an uncharacteristically blunt way, "Let's get going then…"

Not meeting his eyes or the confused look in them, she bolted away in a steady jog pace. She felt guilty, but there was no way she could listen to his words calmly.

He believed she thought of him as a burden. She heard Cloud start to run after her, catching up fast.

He thought she was here because of some sense of duty or obligation. He thought she'd come because he asked her to, not because she wanted.

'_What would you thank me for?'_

Tifa almost let out the bitter laugh that was bubbling in her throat. It was so foolish, so utterly stupid and ridiculous… He was so out of it. Did he _really_ not see?

Tifa's heart started to settle down eventually when their steps fell into synch and into a pace of running that was brisk enough but not too fast. And, what was most important, concentrating on steady breathing made speaking impossible.

She sensed Cloud's incredulous eyes on her, but kept her eyes on the track. It was a funny situation, as Cloud was usually the one to avoid talking with her.

His eyes spoke so many words and his gaze was so intense it quickly grew unbearable for Tifa, and before she quite knew what she was doing she had sprinted forwards, leaving him behind and fast. Here came the panic again… She was a fool for believing things would work out by themselves if they just denied everything… She was being delusional… But first and foremost, she was an idiot…

Feeling desperate and humiliated, she ran even faster, so fast that the wind in her ears drowned out Cloud's voice calling her name over and over again.

She never even saw the ice through the haze in her eyes.

The road had been going in a low slope when her foot came down on the slippery patch and immediately, all the friction vanished from under her shoe. Automatically, she brought her other foot forwards to steady her weight but her balance was gone before her foot even touched the ice and she lurched forwards, arms flailing trough the air to soften the fall.

She tumbled hard on the ground, pain from the impact shooting up from her wrists and she rolled on her side when her arm gave out.

In a second, Cloud was kneeling by her side and it was then that her brain started to latch onto what had happened.

"…Tifa! Tifa, are you okay?"

His voice was a little loud and hurt her ears, but the urgent alarm in his tone made her come back to her senses completely. She blinked, lifting her head up from the cold, hard ground.

"…Eh…?"

Embarrassment hit like a tidal wave. Oh no. She did _not_ just fall flat on her face right before Cloud's very eyes. Tifa pushed herself into a half sitting position, her hands going to her cheeks that were flaming hot. It was hard to meet his gaze, since Cloud's face was too close for comfort, and his earnest, beautiful blue eyes looked impossibly big as they swept over Tifa's form in concern.

"…Are you okay…?" he asked again, now more softly when there were no clear traces of emergency.

"…Yeah, I'm fine…" Tifa whispered, words lined with mortification. Then her face scrunched with a painful grimace. Now that the immediate shock had worn out, she began to feel the after effects of her fall. Her palms hurt under her gloves as did her wrists that had taken the full blow of the impact, but what hurt most was her left ankle. She straightened her legs, and the movement made her inhale sharply as the pain increased. "Oww."

Immediately, Cloud's eyes widened and he leaned even closer – probably unconsciously. Tifa, on the other hand, was excruciatingly aware of his scent fuzzing her senses. Cloud supported his own weight by putting his hand on the ground behind Tifa's back, not touching but close enough_. _She was probably imagining it, but she thought she could feel the warmth of his skin through the layers of clothing.

'_Great,'_ thought Tifa rather darkly, _'I've probably got a sprained ankle and all I can think about is straddling him.'_

Yuffie would be proud.

She rolled up the leg of her pants to take a quick look. Granted, there were no visible marks yet but she should expect some swelling by tomorrow. Occupied by her frustration about possibly going to the doctor, she did not notice Cloud stare long at her skin where her calf was exposed. "Mild sprain, I think," said Tifa after a while, voicing her suspicions.

Getting a hold of himself, Cloud shook his head fiercely and got up.

"Gee, Lockhart," he mocked, "this is what you get for trying to prove yourself so hard." But before Tifa could respond, he offered her his hand. "Can you walk?"

Her fingers latched onto his and he started to carefully pull her off the ground, constantly watching Tifa's reactions in case she was in pain.

Tifa tried her best not to put any weight on the injured leg, but when she was upright and took a step, she cringed visibly.

"…Crap," she muttered.

Cloud stepped beside her and let her wrap an arm around him for support.

"I'll take that as a no," he sighed. "Hop on."

"What?" Tifa blurted, as if she didn't understand why he was motioning towards his back. No, it was better to feign oblivion. Cloud just sent her a flat look, reading past her blank face. He urged her, "Come on, it's not like you can walk anywhere."

Tifa just fidgeted for a moment, trying desperately to find a good excuse to weasel herself out of this, but he was right. She couldn't get far by herself, she was in the middle of a damn forest and she was freezing her ass off already. So she finally submitted with a nervous nod and watched him go down on his heels in front of her, making it easier for her to get on.

"Careful…" she whispered, voice weak, when her limbs were wrapped around him and he started to lift himself up. Putting his hands under her knees he hoisted her up a little higher and started walking.

He was carrying her.

It was extremely uncomfortable, and Tifa immediately became overly self-conscious. At first, Tifa was gripping his neck for life and all of her muscles were tense against him but after a while the cold started to get to her and she begun to relax and trust in his strength. Both of them were content in silence.

It was uncomfortable, but in a way, it was the most romantic thing to ever happen to her.

And before she knew it, she had already instinctively leaned in for his warmth and placed her head on his shoulder. Her eyes slowly closed as she indulged herself in his presence. It was alright, she told herself. She would feel guilty tomorrow, because right now there was nothing but the two of them, alone, and she was in a world where there was nothing but the scent of his hair and the warmth seeping through his clothes.

And Cloud's head would be filled with only the thoughts of how bad he felt for wanting her, how he was supposed to be immune against the feel of her legs so wound so tightly around him, how it was so wrong to have her shiver and then nuzzle against him…

The forest was silent around them. The sky was full of stars and the wind flew around dead autumn leaves. The universe seemed to shrink.

She kissed his neck. Ever so lightly, ever so slightly, her lips would graze his skin. Everything in his head went white.

There could be a time when everything else, this whole moment would fade from his mind, but the contrast of freezing air and burning lips would forever remain in his memory – a bright spark in the midst of a dark chaos.


End file.
